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2 Ways to Manage Expectations with Others

Managing expectations is a never-ending exercise in clearly articulating our needs, wants, and hopes. It requires activating all three elements of practicing curiosity: self- awareness, relationship building, and communication.

Here’s what I learned to help me navigate the dynamics of managing expectations that I’ve applied to both my personal and professional life. Here are two ways to manage expectations with others so that they’re not surprised or disappointed with you.

  1. Explicitly describe what people can expect from you

I have to constantly remind myself that people can’t read my mind and I have to be more explicit. In regard to their own expectations, some people think in terms of what they will gain and benefit. For my clients, I describe what they will get with specific examples. For my team, I try to anticipate their questions and concerns. This is especially important now as people worry about layoffs. For my friends, I let them know what kind of support I can provide. 

  1. Explicitly describe what people can’t expect

Other people think in terms of what they might lose or won’t get, so I also list what I won’t be doing and what they will not get so that I can manage their expectations. For example, I often tell people my 7 Forms of Respect framework will NOT teach them how to be respectful, that it’s not like 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. For my team, I’ve made it clear that until we become consistently profitable, I can’t increase hours or provide more benefits. For my friends, I let them know when I can’t provide support in the ways they asked of me.

When you manage others’ expectations, they’ll manage yours. People will often meet your level of transparency.

Last year, I was clear about expenses outpacing revenue. I told my team that I understand they have to consider their individual financial needs because I don’t know when I can provide higher salaries. I just ask them to keep me updated if they do search for work elsewhere. When a team member left for a great career opportunity, I was not surprised. My expectations were managed. 

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Also check out the blog post on “4 Tips To Managing Expectations of Yourself”.

4 Tips to Managing Expectations of Yourself

Managing expectations is a never-ending exercise in clearly articulating our needs, wants, and hopes. It requires activating all three elements of practicing curiosity: self- awareness, relationship building, and communication.

Here’s what I learned to help me navigate the dynamics of managing expectations that I’ve applied to both my personal and professional life. Here are four tips to manage your own expectations of yourself:

Differentiate between expectations and hope

It’s easy to let expectations slide into hopes, which often don’t have any basis in reality. I realized expectations should be based on my previous experiences to determine what is realistic and possible. For example, I was a bit too optimistic in my second year in business. I was hopeful. I didn’t have any evidence that supported my expectations, meaning they were really just hopes.

Don’t compare myself to others in creating expectations for myself

If I only look at those who I think have more than me, I will always feel I don’t have enough. So, I can’t compare. This is a hard one to admit that I do. I constantly have to remind myself not to compare. I have close friends who are also authors of wildly successful books. As a self-published author without a long track record of prestigious publications or public speaking, I can’t apply the same expectations of success to myself.

Continue to do things I love even if they don’t meet my expectations 

There are so many things I love doing, such as writing essays like this, that don’t meet my expectations of desired outcomes. I often remind myself that I don’t write because I expect a lot of views; I write to have an impact, even if that impact is limited to a few readers. Think about what things you love to do and that you would do no matter what, even if they don’t live up to your expectations. This lesson is also connected to the one on differentiating between expectations and hope (see lesson #7).

Lower my expectations to “good enough” so I can experiment faster

I sometimes slip into perfectionist standards. This past year, I pushed myself to create content with less and sometimes no outside editing before I post. I’ve been surprised by how my raw content can resonate with people, like my 2021 reflections on managing my energy instead of my time or my Instagram reel that went viral when I made fun of myself. This lesson is one I will lean into even more in 2023.

I’ve learned to accept that managing expectations is an iterative process in which I have to be asking questions and listening carefully to both others and to myself. 

Do any of these lessons resonate with you? You can listen to me reading the original essay at: https://drjuliepham.substack.com/p/2022-reflections

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Also check out the blog post “2 Ways to Manage Expectations with Others“.