I love hosting dinner parties for people who don’t know each other and who I also might not know very well. This is a really great way to get to know people better, and to build new relationships
I define a dinner party that is limited to the number of people who can sit around one table. Otherwise, I think of it as just a party where dinner is served. I’ve been to dinner parties that are as large as 30 people around a cluster of tables and I’ve also been to dinner parties as small as three people.
Some people think you need to have a fancy home to host. You don’t. You just have to focus on giving people a memorable experience through what is shared. My preference is 6 to 8 people, which is the number of people who can sit around my dining room table.
Some people think that the food is the most important thing for a dinner party and I disagree. I think it’s actually the conversation and who you bring together. Before the pandemic, I hosted about 10-15 dinner parties with guests who didn’t know each other each year at my home.
The following advice is based on my experience, which is for a dinner party among acquaintances.
- Brainstorm the invite list
The first priority for a dinner party is to figure out who you want to invite and think on why these people might have something in common that they will enjoy talking to one another about. Create a primary and secondary invite list.
- Secure a time/date
Then think about the first 30 to 50 percent of guests who you definitely want to attend and find out their availability. Once you secure their availability, then start to reach out to other people on the list to see when they’re available. Now you may want to wait until everyone is available, but that can be really hard to do.
- Send out your invites
It doesn’t matter if it’s email, text, or phone. Unless it’s a very special occasion, I wouldn’t invite via snail mail. I like to invite those on your primary list out 4-8 weeks ahead of time. Definitely let them know when you need to hear from them by. If people on your primary list don’t respond by the RSVP deadline, you can move on to ask those on your secondary list. Ask for dietary restrictions and accessibility needs. You might feel awkward asking people to bring things. Yet I find if I don’t specify, people will bring random things. So, I usually say, “No need to bring anything but if you would like to, a bottle of wine is appreciated.”
- Create the menu based on dietary needs
I usually cook to save money. If you can afford to cater, go for it. I try, whenever possible, not to have to create multiple versions of menu items. So to simplify things, I’ll cook to accommodate whoever has the most dietary restrictions or do a mix of dishes. If someone’s vegan, the whole meal will be vegan.
- Design discussion prompts
The worst dinner parties are when people are just talking in pairs around a dinner table. That’s not the point of bringing people together. Yet you have to be intentional about facilitating a conversation. So I like to have two rounds of prompts–a quick one and a deeper one.
Examples of quick openers: What’s the origin story behind your first name? What do you spend most of your time doing? What is one thing you’d like this group to know about you? And my personal favorite: What are three communities you belong to?
Examples of deep questions: What advice would you tell your 18 year old self? When is a time you’ve asked for help? Who is a role model in your life and why?
If there’s a common thread across the group, design some prompts that reflect that. I’ve often hosted dinner parties just for entrepreneurs. For the opener you could ask, “who is an entrepreneur you admire?” and for the deeper question, “What is something in your business that keeps you up at night?
- Send out a reminder email 1 to 2 week before your dinner party
Let people know what to expect, including all the directions, the menu, and the prompt questions. This is also enough time to see if there are any drop offs. And you can remind them to tell you if they can’t make it after all
- Enjoy the conversation!
Focus on bringing people together. Remember what Maya Angelou said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” My dinner party twist on this is, “People will forget what you fed them, how you decorated, but they will never forget the dinner conversation.”
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