Welcome to the 7 Forms of Respect (FoR)® Over the next few months, we’ll introduce you to these concepts and give examples of how to apply them to your life to learn more about which forms of respect you like to “give” and which ones you like to “get”. The 7 FoR tool provides a vocabulary to describe what matters to you and to others. Inturn, it builds mutual understanding and trust. Respect is relative. What is important to you might not be important to someone else. The 7 FoR is a framework to describe the different forms of respect.
In this post, we will be going in-depth on “Procedure” as a form of respect. The others include: punctuality, information, candor, consideration, acknowledgement and attention. Procedure as a form of respect is about adherence to and making of rules, clearly stated expectations, and protocol.
How Procedure Shows Up as a Form of Respect
Everyday Scenarios of Procedure
Imagine you’re invited to speak at an event. Afterward, a long line of audience members forms to talk with you privately. As the line shortens, several acquaintances walk by to say goodbye before leaving. Do you pause the line to greet your friends, or do you continue speaking with those patiently waiting?
If you choose to greet your acquaintances, you’re showing them Acknowledgement as a form of respect—but at the expense of those waiting.
If you choose to stay focused on the line, you’re demonstrating Procedure as a form of respect by honoring the established order.
Years ago, I stood in that line as an audience member. The speaker chose to greet acquaintances first. While I don’t believe he intended disrespect, I felt disregarded because he broke the implied order of Procedure. Others in line may not have minded—but I did. For me, Procedure carries meaning, especially when it comes from those in positions of power.
What Procedure Looks Like
Procedure as a form of respect involves valuing structure, clarity, and established norms. It can look like:
- Setting clear expectations for how something should be done.
- Creating detailed written rules or guidelines.
- Using titles, honorifics, or formal salutations.
- Focusing on process and consistency over flexibility.
When Procedure Feels Lacking
A lack of Procedure can appear as:
- Vague or missing expectations.
- Unclear or unwritten rules.
- Casual communication that skips formalities.
- Prioritizing outcomes or relationships over processes.
Neither approach is inherently wrong—it depends on the individual’s preferences and values.
Why Procedure Matters
People value Procedure for different reasons. Some associate it with fairness, clarity, and accountability, while others view it as rigid or unnecessary. These differences often stem from cultural background, upbringing, or professional experience.
The 7 Forms of Respect® (FoR) framework offers a shared language for discussing these differences. When you use this framework, you can explain why certain behaviors—like following or breaking procedure—matter to you personally and professionally.
Scenario 1: When Following Instructions Equals Respect
Kim and Mike are teammates working on a project. Kim sends detailed instructions, but Mike doesn’t read them carefully. Although he finishes on time, Kim feels frustrated because he skipped steps.
She tells Mike, “I value Procedure because it shows you care enough to follow the instructions I’ve thoughtfully written. These steps come from experience and expertise.” She also explains that past coworkers have dismissed her input, so following Procedure makes her feel respected.
Mike now understands her perspective. Without that explanation, he might have thought she was being overly rigid. Their conversation turns tension into understanding.
Scenario 2: When Procedure Feels Controlling
Eric, a manager, gives frequent, detailed instructions to his direct report, Ann. She begins feeling micromanaged. One day, she tells him, “When you give me step-by-step directions, it reminds me of my parents treating me like a child.”
Eric explains, “I give Procedure as a form of respect. Growing up, I translated for my parents, who spoke limited English. Creating structure and clarity was how I showed I cared.”
Hearing this, Ann understands Eric’s intentions. Meanwhile, Eric learns that too much structure makes Ann feel disrespected. They agree to adjust their communication.
Building Empathy Through Shared Experience
Our preferences for different forms of respect often stem from past experiences. By sharing those stories, we can build empathy and strengthen relationships. When someone values Procedure differently than you, use FoR as a conversation tool. Ask questions such as:
- What experiences shaped your view of structure and rules?
- Who influenced your approach to following or setting procedures?
Procedure, at its core, is a form of respect centered on structure, process, and fairness. If you don’t prioritize it, that doesn’t make you disrespectful—it simply means you value flexibility or autonomy more.
What’s Next
Check out Dr. Julie Pham’s book, 7 Forms of Respect: A Guide to Transforming Your Communication and Relationships at Work.
To learn more about the 7 Forms of Respect, you can also sign up for a workshop and get access to our full 7 Forms of Respect Assessment. CuriosityBased is also available to consult with your company or team about applying the 7 Forms of Respect to improve communication, collaboration, and trust.
Is Procedure a form of respect for you?
Take the free quiz here.
