4 Common Misconceptions that Asians are Facing in the Workplace

As an Asian American, I’ve noticed that we face different assumptions from other racial groups. In the workplace, I’ve identified four common misconceptions that Asians are facing in the workplace that aren’t just held by non-Asian, but within our community as well. 

Here are 4 Common Misconceptions that Asians Face in the Workplace:

Misconception #1: Asians are all the same.

In the US, Asians come from over 20 countries in the East, Southeast, and Indian subcontinent. We’re not all Chinese. Included in that population are the pacific islanders and native Hawaiians.

Misconception #2: There are too many Asians in the workplace.

When there are more than a few of us, then there are too many of us. BeamJobs reported how this is particularly true in tech where Asians make up 29% of employees at the 35 largest tech companies. I remember seriously debating if I should bring on another team member who was Asian American on my already all-Asian team because I was worried people would think I only hired other people of Asian heritage. The impact is that some Asians can feel self-conscious and even guilty about taking up so much space, which can lead to Asians minimizing their presence and then perpetuating another stereotype of Asian silence.

Misconcpetion #3: Asians don’t “count” as people of color.

I believe Asians aren’t counted as “people of color” because that term is often conflated with those experiencing economic hardship who are entitled to aid. Therefore Asians, who have the highest median household income in King County, where I live, presumably don’t meet those criteria. For these reasons, there are Asian Americans who don’t see themselves as people of color. For Asians who do call ourselves “people of color,” we are compelled to remind others we are not white. The impact of this assumption is denying Asians experience racism in the workplace.

Misconception #4: Asians as the silent workhorses.

Asians are often described as “hard-working”. We are the silent workhorses. I am also guilty of holding this assumption. I have asked for help from Asian colleagues instead of non-Asian colleagues in off-hours because I think Asians are more likely to say yes.

Watch the Video Explainer

Which of these misconceptions that Asians are facing in the workplace have you unintentionally had? I’d love for you to share your thoughts in the comments section. If this was helpful, please share it with a friend or post it on social media.

6 Steps to Identify How You Feel Your Friends Should Treat You

We may have friends who don’t always treat us well, or might even hurt us, and we also have friends who treat us really well. We may instinctively know what we like or have an idea of how we feel friends should treat us, and yet most of us haven’t ever articulated it. Before we can ask people to treat us differently, we have to be really clear about how we want to be treated.

Here are six steps to help you identify how you feel your friends should treat you.

  1. Ask yourself who among your friends treat you well. I am fortunate I have a really long list of friends who have been amazingly supportive over the years.
  1. Write a list of examples of what these friends do for you. As I looked at the list of names, I thought about the specific things people did to support me. It could be text messaging me to check in, remembering my birthday, posting a photo of my book in an interesting place, etc.
  1. Analyze the list for themes and patterns and consolidate it to make the Iist shorter and more general. For example, you might have, “listens to me when I was feeling sad about losing my job” for one friend and for another friend, you wrote, “Listens to me when I was having health issues.” So the general theme here is someone who listens to you. For me, I have been really moved by all the acts of kindness from my friends. Every year, I design a different valentine card. This year, I decided to write out a list of all of these acts of kindness and highlight that particular ones people did. You can read my list here.
  1. Write a list of the friends who treat you badly. Oh, fortunately, this list is a lot shorter. People always listen. I’ve been in my life for a really long time and it’s more of legacy friendships out of habit. 
  1. Write a list of examples of what these friends do that hurt you. For me, they have unrealistic expectations of me.
  1. Analyze this list. Do you see something on the list that is the opposite of how you would like to be treated? Perhaps you should add that to your list of how you want to be treated. For example, you have a friend who constantly interrupts you. You can write, “Doesn’t  interrupt me when I’m talking.” For those of you who are familiar with the 7 Forms of Respect framework, you can even categorize how you want to be treated by the forms of respect. 

It’s so easy to say, “I want my friends to treat me better”, but “better” can mean different things to different people. We have to be specific about what we mean so there can be change. For example, one person might like it when other people buy them meals and another person might not like that because it feels condescending, as if their friends think they can’t afford to pay for their own meal. 

Also, let those friends who treat you well know you appreciate how they treat you and be specific with your examples. And next time you interact with the friends who hurt you, specify how you would like to be treated, referring to the list of examples from friends who treat you well. 

Watch the Explainer Video

If you need help specifying how you would like to be treated and respected, check out our free crash course, a 20-minute guide to asking for the respect you want.

Three Steps to Increase Your Empathy

“Can my empathy for others develop as my own life changes?” 

Empathy is about being able to share what others feel. Sympathy is understanding someone else is suffering. 

It’s easier to notice when other people lack empathy than to acknowledge that we may have less empathy than we think. Our ability to empathize can actually change as we get older. We can have less of it. 

Something that feels vulnerable to many people is asking for help. Unless we have to ask others for help, we usually won’t. The more power, wealth, and seniority we gain, the more we are shielded from having to ask. Over time, our ability to empathize with those who do have to ask for help fades. Instead of empathizing, we sympathize.

There are many people in this world who need help and who have to ask for it. When we ask others for help, we can deepen our ability to empathize with those who need help.

I often hear from friends wealthy friends who grew up poor that they worry about their children’s ability to empathize with those who don’t have as much. If you are in this predicament, you can teach your children how to ask for help. Teaching them how to help those who have less than them will teach them sympathy, not empathy.

Having empathy matters. Many studies show empathetic leaders are more effective at increasing trust, collaboration, and productivity. 

I share a three-step exercise I created to help people call forward experiences that will enable us to develop more empathy, at least around how vulnerable it can feel to ask for help out of need.

1) Think of what you’re going to ask for help.

The first step is to think of something you personally need. It could be something that would improve your life that you don’t have the resources for or that would be a financial hardship or great inconvenience. It could be asking for someone to take you to the doctor or lend you their vacation home or watch your pet.

This is not about asking for help on behalf of another individual or organization, like fundraising for a nonprofit. Also, this does not include sales transactions. Asking someone to compensate you for something that they will get value from is not the same as you asking for their help. 

You might be thinking “There’s nothing I want that I can’t get on my own” or “I don’t want anything that I can’t afford.” Then perhaps your ask is a “nice-to-have”, not a “must-have”.

Until you can think of something, you won’t be able to empathize with people who ask for help when they don’t want to.

2) Think of who you’re going to ask

  • Could fulfill your request directly, by  themselves
  • Might say no 
  • May change their opinion of you after you ask, whether good or bad
  • Is not in any way obligated or incentivized to say yes 

Don’t consider people who you think are likely to say “yes”. People who have said “yes” in the past or who offered to help you also don’t count. Don’t include people are financially incentivized or who might feel obligated to say yes to you. 

3) Make the ask 

The third step is to make the ask. Once you do that, you can draw from this experience as a source of empathy. 

I have to remind myself to practice this exercise too. I swallowed my pride recently when got invited to a VIP dinner. While I suspected it would be expensive, I still got sticker shock when I received the invoice. I was asked to make another contribution. I struggled over whether I should say something. Remembering this exercise, I decided to admit to the host, who I’ve never met, that I can’t afford the additional gift and asked her to waive the request. She did. 

It doesn’t matter what you’re asking for as long as you personally feel vulnerable. We all have different thresholds for what threatens to wound our pride. 

When we are able to acknowledge what help we need for ourselves, we’ll develop empathy and not just sympathize with others who ask for help.

Asking for help to build our empathy can’t be a theoretical exercise. You actually have to do it so that you can feel it.

Watch the Video Explainer


You might also be interested in reading my op-ed on “Learning to ask for help strengthens us as a community” in the Seattle Times.

How to Help People Get What They Need: Become a Resource Connector

Many people, including myself, want to be helpful, although oftentimes we cannot help others directly because we don’t have the exact resources they need. The second best thing is to help connect people to the resources they need with those who have the resources to give.

Years ago, I went to a conference where the keynote speaker talked about how Oprah doesn’t promote herself, she promotes other people. She’s constantly uplifting and recommending other people. And in that way, she is a connector. That lesson has stuck with me. I’ve been able to build an extensive network in Seattle. It’s because I’m always just trying to connect people to the resources they need and to the people they should get to know.

I realize that I don’t need to be the center and have all the answers and provide all the resources myself if I can just be someone who helps connect people. When I ran a cross-sector fellowship, we focused on helping people learn how to be resource connectors. We asked this question: “What is something that you want to give? What is something that you need?” What people shared was very powerful.

You can be a resource connector.

It requires seeing everyone as having resources and also having needs.

It doesn’t matter how little money or little time you think someone has. Everyone has something to offer. And everyone has needs. Sometimes what they need and what they have to offer are the same thing.

What you’re really doing is connecting the dots. It requires a lot of asking questions and listening to people.

Here are the 6 steps to becoming a resource connector:

  1. Ask people if they have any particular resource that they want to share with others. You can ask, “Is there anything you want me to spread the word about or any resource you have to share?” Oftentimes the thing they’re asking for help from is the same thing that they are offering. For example, they may need help spreading the word about a special program that they lead. They’re also offering the resource of their program. So you may not even need to ask them if they have something that they want to share because they may have answered it within their ask for help. Sometimes people don’t like to ask for help, so they will just frame it as something that they are offering. I remember talking to a coding school founder who wanted to help people with their career transitions into tech.
  1. Ask those same people, “Is there anything I can help you with? I might not be able to help you directly, though I might know someone who can.” Sometimes they only want to offer help and yet their offer of help is actually an ask. In this case, offering to teach coding is also an ask for help with recruiting students. 
  1. See if there’s anything that they need that is related to something someone else offered. As you talk to other people, look for opportunities to connect resources with the people who might be good candidates for them. For example, someone may say that they are looking for a way to learn how to code and you just met someone who runs a coding program and is looking for students.
  1. Before you make the connection, reaffirm with the person who is offering the resource that they are still offering it. So, I asked the coding school founder, “Are you still looking for students?” She was. 
  1. Make the connection. It can be as simple as an email. 
  1. Bonus: Follow-up and check on if a connection was made. Sometimes I find out that one party never replied and I might nudge the to reply. At the very least, I know who is good to follow through and who isn’t and who I should and shouldn’t make connections for in the future.

Your efforts will generate goodwill and perpetuate a spirit of generosity. When people are helped, they will want to help others. And even if it doesn’t turn out exactly as people hoped, they were further along than before. 

For example, I talked to a friend, “Alex”, who is looking for a job as a project manager at a biotech and then I asked another friend who founded biotech if he would be willing to chat with this friend. It turns out that he was looking for a project manager and he interviewed my friend for the role. Although it didn’t work out, my friend got a lot further than he would’ve before.

Watch the Video Explainer

17 Signs of Curious People (A Learn-It-All)

I haven’t met anyone who doesn’t want to think of themselves as a curious person and yet their know-it-all attitude suggests otherwise. Here are some signs of a learn-it-all, or those who practice curiosity regularly in their lives.

For three years, I ran a 6-month fellowship program. I noticed some people did really well and other people really struggled and it took me a while to figure out what differentiated the two. And then I landed on curiosity. By the third cohort, we started interviewing for that. Curiosity helps people persevere when times are difficult, it helps them be resourceful when facing a challenge, or to be empathetic to other people, because they want to know. 

There are some people who are so focused on getting to a particular outcome or result that they would be the naysayers and they didn’t wanna move forward. For the longest time, I thought curiosity was a trait. Now I think of it as a practice, because I realize that when you have more people on a team who are practicing curiosity, they can actually uplift the morale of everyone else. And when you have people who just care about the outcomes and not the process, then they can actually take down the morale. Here are some signs of someone who is a learn-it-all:

Here are the 17 signs of a learn-it-all:

  1. Is comfortable with not knowing all the answers, and admitting “I don’t know”
  2. Admits that they are not a perfectionist 
  3. Asks questions to clarify, not to show off how much they know
  4. Listens to understand, not respond
  5. Likes to try new things 
  6. Talks more about “learning” than about “knowing”
  7. Talks about what they want to learn, instead of what they want to accomplish or what the results are going to be
  8. When they talk about mistakes they’ve made, they talk about the lessons they learned, instead of talking about what they would’ve done to avoid those mistakes
  9. Has a diverse group of friends (However you can define “diversity”)
  10. Talks about the people that they learn from
  11. Reads books, listens to podcasts, or pursues hobbies that don’t have anything to do with their job or profession 
  12. Tries to learn things that they know there is a chance they might never excel at it
  13. Listens to different genres of music 
  14. Watches different genres of films 
  15. Reads both fiction and nonfiction 
  16. Looks up things to learn more, not to check if they were right or wrong
  17. Thinks more about the journey than the destination 

Now, you don’t have to have all these signs to be a learn-it-all. I certainly don’t. 

This is just the starter list. I’d love to hear your suggestions as well. I want to add to this list.

Watch the Video Explainer

Get Your Dream Job Through Volunteer Work

I’m a big believer in volunteering as a way to build your skills and eventually get your dream job. I got my real-life MBA when I was running my family’s newspaper. Aside from that job, I did a lot of volunteering on various boards that taught me how to sell, market, and publicize.  I remember when I interviewed for my first corporate job, which was in marketing, I was able to point to leading the Seattle chapter of the National Association of Asian American Professionals to place first in the nation in marketing.

There are many small nonprofit boards who need board members or committees that need volunteers. While this is skills-based volunteering, you don’t necessarily need the skills to do the work in the beginning. You just need to make the time and commitment to learn the skills.

It’s like getting an unpaid internship when you’re already a professional or you’ve already graduated. But not all volunteer opportunities are created equally. And just because a nonprofit needs you, they might not be a good fit for what you need. 

Here are 6 questions to ask to help you determine if this is a good opportunity or not:

1. Is this organization okay with me “learning on the job”? 

Some organizations think it’s too risky to have a volunteer do skills based work and others see it as a way to build capacity by having a pipeline of inexperienced volunteers they can train. Large and/or well staffed nonprofits might not take on volunteers. There are many small nonprofits that don’t have staff who will gladly take on skilled volunteers. I find that an ideal nonprofit to volunteer at is either a small one that has no staff, an organization that has been around for a while, or a bigger one that has some staff and a committed board. 

2. Are the people who I’m going to volunteer with willing to teach me and mentor me in exchange for my time?

Are the people who head the committee and board actually willing to mentor you? If they are too busy or they themselves are actually not skilled to teach you, then it’s not a good fit. I know someone who is going to become the treasurer of her HOA board of her condo building, even though she has no experience in finance. The outgoing treasurer is going to teach her how to read financial reports. This is a skill that usually people have to take classes to learn. When I was on the Celebrate Asia Seattle Symphony committee, I learned a lot about how to sell from founder, Yoshi Minegishi, who had been an executive at IBM. When I was later on marketing chair of NAAAP, where there was no one to teach me and no staff, I reached out to past board members who could guide me. The benefit to marketing was that there was an already established audience. I didn’t have to test those skills on my own. Even if you don’t have a mentor, if you have a platform, that’s still okay.

3. Are the other volunteers also committed?

For you to be able to learn, you have to be able to work with other people who are committed. Ask to sit in on a board meeting or a committee meeting to see how engaged the other volunteers are. Once I was invited to join a prestigious board of directors, and I went to a meeting and I saw how unprepared the board members were. I realize they were committed and that it wasn’t going to be a productive board if we were going to have to reset expectations at every board meeting, regardless of how prestigious the board was. So it’s really important that you find out if the other volunteers are committed. Otherwise, it’s not gonna be worth your time. Just ask to sit in on a board meeting or committee meeting and you’ll see.

4. Does the organization’s volunteer needs align with my interests? 

Skills-based volunteering can be a lot more time-consuming and frustrating, especially if you’re learning something new, than volunteering for just a few hours for a food drive or planting a garden. For example, you may want to learn how to sell and they need help on their fundraising committee. You can learn from the head of the fundraising committee on how to sell. If they just need someone to plan their event, and you have no interest in planning an event, then there is a mismatch. Or if you are an IT expert and the organization may need help with IT, and you want to do something different during your volunteer time, then there’s a mismatch. If you’re going to use volunteering to help you get your dream job by building skills, you have to be a bit selfish about what your learning goals are. They may need something that you don’t want to do. And it’s OK for you to say that. I know people who do bookkeeping for their day job and they don’t want to do it and they volunteer because they want to learn something new. And then there are other people who want to volunteer what they are already good at.

5. Is the organization responsive in its communications? 

Some organizations say they need help, but they are so swamped, they can’t even respond to volunteers. If you find that you are chasing them, then that’s a bad sign that they don’t have the capacity to actually work with volunteers. If they’re super responsive, that means they are organized and you don’t have to spend a lot of time chasing them down so that you can give your time. Many nonprofits are so small that they don’t even have someone to coordinate their volunteers. So if you email and you’re not getting a response within two weeks, that’s a bad sign. Yes, people are busy. But you can still be busy and say, “I’ll get back to you.” You don’t want to be chasing down opportunities to do free work.

6. Is there a clearly defined period of time that I will volunteer for?

Think of this volunteer gig like school. Find out how long you will be studying for. Is it going to be two years? Three years? Or do you work on a special project that will last just weeks or months? Maybe you’ll end up taking on multiple special projects and at the end of each project, you will decide to renew so you can learn more skills. Just have a clear idea of how long the term lasts so that you understand what you’re getting yourself into when you volunteer and you know that you are able to follow through with this commitment. We all want to give our time and what I see a lot of people saying they want to volunteer and then they flake. If you do decide to do skilled volunteering, know that people are counting on you and need you to get that work done and you should only commit to what you think you can follow through on. So get clear on how long the projects going to last or how long the commitment will be and ask yourself if you can actually give that time.

Bonus

Notice a question I haven’t posed is, “Am I going to support a cause that I care about personally?” It’s a bonus if you can find an organization that has a cause that you care about personally. However, if you are volunteering so that you can also learn new skills, I think it’s much more important for you to get yes for other questions. 

Volunteering is a really great way to build skills if you’re unemployed. Also, sometimes people are wary of hiring those who haven’t been working for a while. Volunteering shows that you’ve been doing something with your time, not just idling. Aside from all the skill building, you’re also building relationships and networks. I have hired people who volunteered with me. And I’ve been hired by those I volunteered with. It’s because they were able to actually see my work product. I gave them a lot more confidence in hiring me.

Watch the Video Explainer

Check out my other posts on 6 Tips on How to Get a Job You Love and 6 Tips on How to Make the Most of Informational Interviews When You’re Looking For A Job 

2023 Leadership Books Authored By Women

In honor of Women’s History Month, we created this list of books authored by people who identify as women. This list is meant to be a resource, not an official endorsement. The books are not ranked in any particular order.

2023-Leadership-Books-Authored-by-Women-2Download
  1. [Un]framing the “Bad Woman”: Sor Juana, Malinche, Coyolxauhqui, and other rebels with a cause by Alicia Gaspar de Alba
  2. #Not Your Princess: Voices of Native American Women by Lisa Charleyboy & Mary Beth Leatherdale
  3. #Values by Dr. Betty Uribe
  4. 101 Reasons to Get Out of Bed by Natasha Mine 
  5. 50 Billion Dollar Boss: African American Women Sharing Stories of Success in Entrepreneurship and Leadership by Kathey Porter
  6. A House of My Own: Stories From My Life by Sandra Cisneros
  7. A Mythic Life: Learning to live our greater story by Jean Houston
  8. A Passion for the Possible: A guide to realizing your true potential by Jean Houston
  9. A to Z: Your Navigator to Success by Chin-Ning Chu
  10. Abandon Me: Memoirs by Melissa Febos
  11. Act Like a Leader, Think Like a Leader by Herminia Ibarra
  12. After the Rain: Gentle Reminders for Healing, Courage, and Self-Love by Alexandra Elle
  13. Ain’t I a Woman: Black Women and Feminism by Bell Hooks 
  14. All Bout Love by Bell Hooks
  15. All In: An Autobiography by Billie Jean King
  16. All the Leader You Can Be by Suzanne Bates
  17. Almost a Woman by Esmerelda Santiago
  18. American Indian Stories by Zitkala-Sa
  19. And A Voice to Sing With: A Memoir by Joan Baez
  20. And Now We Are Going to Have a Party: Liner Notes to a Writer’s Early Life by Nicola Griffith 
  21. Annapurna: A Woman’s Place by Arlene Blum
  22. AOC: The Fearless Rise and Powerful Resonance of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortes by Lynda Lopez
  23. Apocalyptic Best Practices: A unique approach to fear and change by Dr. Elisebeth VanderWeil 
  24. As Long As Grass Grows: The Indigenous Fight for Environmental Justice, from Colonization to Standing Rock by Dina Gilio-Whitaker
  25. As We Have Always Done: Indigenous Freedom Through Radical Resistance by Leanne Betasamosake Simpson
  26. Ask For It: How women can use the power of negotiation to get what they really want by Linda Babcock & Sara Aslchever
  27. ASL Saved My Life… Until it Didn’t by Jenni Kleinman Berebitsky 
  28. Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience by Brene Brown
  29. Awakening Compassion at Work by Jane Dutton & Monica Worline
  30. Bad Indians: A Tribal Memoir by Debora Miranda
  31. Balancing Work and Life: The Nia Guide for Black Women by Sheryl Huggins & Cherly Mayberry McKissack
  32. Bamboozled: How God Tricked Me into the Life of My Dreams by Yvonne Orji
  33. Be Water, My Friend: The Teachings of Bruce Lee by Sharon Lee
  34. Becoming by Michelle Obama
  35. Believe Bigger: Discover the Path to Your Life Purpose by Marshawn Evans Daniels 
  36. Being Heumann: an unrepentant memoir of a disability rights activist by Judith E. Heumann
  37. Biased: Uncovering the hidden prejudice that shapes what we see, think, and do by Jennifer Eberhardt
  38. Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert
  39. Bird of Paradise: How I became a Latina by Raquel Cepeda
  40. Black Futures by Kimberly Drew, Jenna Wortham
  41. Black Indian: A memoir by Shonda Buchanan
  42. Black Power Inc.: The New Voices of Success by Cora Daniels
  43. Blaze Your Own Trail: An Interactive Guide to Navigating Life with Confidence, Solidarity, and Compassion by Rebekah Bastian
  44. Blood, Bones & Butter: The Inadvertent Education of a Reluctant Chef by Gabrielle Hamilton
  45. Blue Ocean Strategy by Renee Mauborgne
  46. Borderlands / La Frontera: The New Mestiz by Gloria Anzaldúa
  47. Boss Bride: The Powerful Woman’s Playbook for Love and Success by Charreah Jackson
  48. Boundaries by Maya Lin 
  49. Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous wisdom, scientific knowledge, and the teachings of plants by Robin Wall Kimmerer
  50. Branding Pays by Karen Kang
  51. Bridge Builders by Maria Keckler
  52. Bridges to Heal US: Stories and Strategies for Racial Healing by Erin Jones
  53. Brotopia: Breaking Up the Boy’s Club of Silicon Valley by Emily Chang
  54. Business as Unusual by Anita Roddick
  55. Caring: A feminine approach to ethics and moral education by Nel Noddings
  56. Climb: Taking Every Step with Conviction, Courage, and Calculated Risk to Achieve a Thriving Career and a Successful Life by Michelle Gadsden-Williams & Carolyn M. Brown
  57. Come into My Office: Stories from an HR Leader in Silicon Valley by Mai Ton
  58. Common Fire: Leading lives of commitment in a complex world by Sharon Parks, et. al.
  59. Confidence by Rosabeth Moss Kanter
  60. Courage: The Backbone of Leadership by Gus Lee & Diane Elliott-Lee
  61. Crazy Brave: A Memoir by Joy Harjo
  62. Critically Sovereign: Indigenous Gender, Sexuality, and Feminist Studies by Joanne Barker
  63. Crux: A cross-border memoir by Jean Guerrero
  64. Crying in H Mart: A Memoir by Michelle Zauner
  65. Dancing at the Edge of the World: thoughts on words, women, place by Ursula LeGuin
  66. Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts. by Brene Brown
  67. Darling, You Can’t Do Both by Janet Kestin & Nancy Vonk
  68. Dear Female Founder: 66 Letters of Advice from Women Entrepreneurs Who Have Made $1 Billion in Revenue by Lu Li
  69. Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets & Advice for Living Your Best Life by Ali Wong
  70. Disability Visibility: First-Person Stories from the Twenty-First Century by Alice Wong
  71. Disarm Your Limits: The flight formula to lift you to success and propel you to the next horizon by Jessica Cox
  72. Dog Flowers: A Memoir by Danielle Geller
  73. Double Down: Bet on Yourself and Succeed on Your Own Terms by Antionette M. Clarke, Tricia Clarke-Stone
  74. Dream Big by Deborah Rosado Shaw
  75. Dream in Color: How the Sánchez Sisters are Making History in Congress by Linda Sánchez
  76. Driven by Intention: Own Your Purpose, Gain Power, and Pursue Your Passion as a Woman at Work by Michelle Gadsden-Williams
  77. Drop the Ball: Achieving more by doing less by Tiffany Dufu
  78. Dwellings: A Spiritual History of the Living World by Linda Hogan
  79. Eat, Pray, Love: One woman’s search for everything across Italy, India, and Indonesia by Elizabeth Gilbert
  80. Edge: Turning Adversity Into Advantage by Laura Huang
  81. Elegy for a Disease: A Personal and Cultural History of Polio by Anne Finger
  82. Emergent Strategy: Shaping Change, Changing Worlds by adrienne maree brown
  83. Empress: The Astonishing Reign of Nur Jahan by Ruby Lal
  84. Enduring Conviction: Fred Korematsu and His Quest for Justice by Lorraine K. Bannai
  85. Engaging Emergence: Turning Upheaval into Opportunity by Peggy Holman
  86. Entrepreneurial You: Monetize Your Expertise, Create Multiple Income Streams, and Thrive by Dorie Clark
  87. Everybody’s Got Something by Robin Roberts & Veronica Chambers
  88. Expect to Win: Proven Strategies for Success From a Wall Street Vet by Carla A. Harris
  89. Extraordinary Bodies: Figuring Physical Disability in American Culture and Literature by Rosemarie Garland-Thomson
  90. Farmworker’s Daughter: Growing up Mexican American by Rose Castillo Guilbault
  91. Fault Lines: A Memoir by Meena Alexander
  92. Feeling Power: Emotions and education by Megan Boler
  93. Female Firebrands: Stories and Techniques to Ignite Change, Take Control, and Succeed in the Workplace by Mikaela Kiner
  94. Feminist Queer Crip by Alison Kafer
  95. Field Mice: Memoirs of a Migrant Child by Emma Gonzalez
  96. Fierce Conversations: Achieving success at work & in life, one conversation at a time by Susan Scott
  97. Find Another Dream by Maysoon Zayid
  98. Finding Beauty in a Broken World by Terry Tempest Williams
  99. Finding Latinx: In Search of the Voices Redefining Latino Identity by Paola Ramos
  100. Finding Me: A Memoir by Viola Davis
  101. Finding My Voice: My Journey to the West Wing and the Path Forward by Valarie Jarret
  102. Finding Our Way: Leadership for uncertain times by Margaret Wheatley
  103. Finding the Edge: My Life on the Ice by Karen Chen (sports)
  104. Force Majeure: A Futurist’s Guide to Boldly Thriving on Your Terms in the Future of Work by Dr. Terri Horton
  105. Frida by Barbara Mujica
  106. FutureProofed: How to Navigate Disruptive Change, Find Calm in Chaos, and Succeed in Work & Life by Natalia Peart
  107. Gathering Moss: A Natural and Cultural History of Mosses by Robin Wall Kimmerer
  108. Girl Code: Unlocking the Secrets to Success, Sanity, and Happiness for the Female Entrepreneur by Cara Alwill Leyba
  109. God is Red: A Native View of Religion by Vine deLoria, Jr.
  110. Great Asian Americans: Ellison Onizuka by Stephanie Cham
  111. Great Asian Americans: Michelle Kwan by Stephanie Cham
  112. Great Asian Americans: Patsy Mink by Stephanie Cham
  113. Great Asian Americans: Tammy Duckworth by Stephanie Cham
  114. Great Asian Americans: Yo-Yo Ma by Stephanie Cham
  115. Grit: The power of passion and perseverance by Angela Duckworth
  116. Groundswell by Charlene Li
  117. Haben: The deafblind woman who conquered Harvard Law by Haben Girma
  118. Hawaii’s Story by Liliuokalani 
  119. Heart Berries by Terese Marie Mailhot
  120. Heart of Fire: An Immigrant Daughter’s Story by Mazie K. Hirono 
  121. Hermanas: Deepening our identity and growing our influence by Natialia Kohn Rivera
  122. Hidden Figures: The American Dream and the Untold Story of the Black Women Mathematicians Who Helped Win the Space Race by Margot Lee Shetterly
  123. Hiding in the Bathroom: An Introvert’s Roadmap to Getting Out There by Morra Aarons-Mele
  124. Hispanic Women Seeking Higher Leadership Roles in Business by Syliva C. Motta, PhD
  125. Hood Feminist: Notes from the Women that a Movement Forgot by Mikki Kendall
  126. Hot Sports by Lynda Gratton
  127. How Remarkable Women Lead: The Breakthrough Model for Work and Life by Joanna Barsh
  128. How to Get Stupid White Men Out of Office: The Anti-Politics, Un-Boring Guide to Power by adrienne maree brown 
  129. How to Raise a Feminist Son: Motherhood, Masculinity, and the Making of My Family by Sonora Jha
  130. How to Wow by Francsis Cole Jones
  131. How Women Rise: Break the 12 habits holding you back from your next raise, promotion, or job by Sally Helgesen (& Marshall Goldsmith)
  132. Humor, Seriously: Why Humor is a Secret Weapon in Business and Life by Jennifer Aaker & Naomi Bagdonas
  133. Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body by Roxane Gay
  134. I Am Schizophrenic: Poetry from a beautiful brain by Kerenza Ryan
  135. I Got This: To Gold and Beyond by Lauren Hernandez
  136. I Love a Broad Margin to My Life by Maxine Hong Kingston 
  137. I Shouldn’t Be Telling You This: How to Ask for the Money, Snag the Promotion, and Create the Career You Deserve by Kate White
  138. I’d Rather Be In Charge by Charlotte Beers
  139. I’m Judging You: The do-better manual by Luvvie Ajayi
  140. I’m the One That I Want by Margaret Cho 
  141. In a Different Voice: Psychological theory and women’s development by Carol Gilligan
  142. In Search of Our Mothers’ Gardens: Womanist prose by Alice Walker
  143. In the Company of Women: Inspiration and Advice from over 100 Makers, Artists, and Entrepreneurs by Grace Bonney
  144. In the Country We Love: My Family Divided by Diane Guerrero
  145. In The Dream House: A Memoir by Carmen Maria Machado
  146. In the Shadow of the Eagle: A Tribal Representative in Maine by Donna M. Loring
  147. In-N-Out Burger: A Behind-the-Counter Look at the Fast-Food Chain That Breaks All the Rules by Stacy Perman
  148. Inclusion on Purpose: An Intersectional Approach to Creating of Culture of Belonging at Work by Ruchika Tulshyan
  149. Inclusion Revolution: The Essential Guide to Dismantling Racial Inequity in the Workplace by Daisy Auger-Dominguez
  150. Inclusion: Diversity, the New Workplace, & The Will To Change by Jennifer Brown
  151. Invent It, Sell It, Bank It!: Make Your Million-Dollar Idea into a Reality by Lori Greiner
  152. Inventing Latinos: A New Story of American Racism by Laura E. Gómez
  153. Isabel’s Hand-Me-Down Dreams by Isabel Lopez
  154. It Takes Moxie by Maureen Francisco
  155. It’s About Damn Time by Arlan Hamilton
  156. It’s About Time: The Art of Choosing the Meaningful Over the Urgent by Valorie Burton
  157. It’s Not Rocket Science: 7 Game Changing Traits for Uncommon Success by Mary Spio
  158. Journey to the Future: A Roadmap for Success for Youth by Ltc. Consuelo Castillo Kickbusch
  159. Just as I am by Cicely Tyson
  160. Key to Yourself by Dr. Venice Bloodworth
  161. Know What Makes Them Tick: How to successfully negotiate almost any situation by Shonda Rhimes
  162. Know Your Value: Women, Money, and Genting What You’re Worth by Mika Brzezinski
  163. Lakota Woman by Mary Brave Bird
  164. Latina Empowerment Through Leadership: Mindful Stories from Inspiring Women by Catherine Munos Garces, Monica Rivera, et al
  165. Latinas in Aviation by Jacqueline S. Ruiz
  166. Latinas Rising Up in HR: Inspirational Stories of Human Resources Professionals Leading, Thriving, and Breaking Barriers by Priscilla Guasso
  167. Latinos in American Society: Families and Communities in Transition by Dr. Ruth Enid Zambrana
  168. Lead from the Outside: How to Build Your Future and Make Real Change by Stacey Abrams
  169. Leadership and the New Science: Discovering Order in a Chaotic World by Margaret Wheatley
  170. Leadership the Eleanor Roosevelt Way: Timeless strategies from the first lady of courage by Robin Gerber
  171. Leading by My Ponytail by Karen M. Walker & Judy Ducharme
  172. Leading So People Will Follow by Erika Andersen
  173. Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg
  174. Leapfrog: The New Revolution for Women Entrepreneurs by Nathalie Molina Niño
  175. Leaving Isn’t the Hardest Thing: Essays by Lauren Hough
  176. Leaving Little Havana: A Memoir of Miami’s Cuban Ghetto by Cecilia M. Fernandez
  177. Legal Heroes in the Trump Era: Be Inspired. Expand Your Impact. Change the World. by Tahmina Watson (lawyer, writer)
  178. Life in Motion: An Unlikely Ballerina by Misty Copeland
  179. Limitless: The Power of Hope and Resilience to Overcome Circumstances by Mallory Weggemann 
  180. Little Black Book: A Toolkit for Working Women by Otegha Uwagba 
  181. Living for Change by Grace Boggs
  182. Love, Loss, and What We Ate: A Memoir by Padma Lakshmi 
  183. Mad at School: Rhetorics of Mental Disability and Academic Life by Margaret Price
  184. Madame Wu Chien-shiung: The First Lady Of Physics Research by Tsai-chien Chiang
  185. Marbles: Mania, Depression Michelangelo, and Me by Ellen Forney
  186. Martina by Martina Navratilova
  187. Mean by Myriam Gurba
  188. Men Explain Things to Me by Rebecca Solnit
  189. Men We Reaped: A Memoir by Jesmyn Ward
  190. Mexican Enough: My Life Between the Borderlines by Stephanie Elizondo Griest
  191. Million Dollar Women: The Essential Guide for Female Entrepreneurs Who Want to Go Big by Julia Pimsleur
  192. Mindset: The new psychology of success by Carol Dweck
  193. Minor Feelings: An Asian American Reckoning by Cathy Park Hong
  194. Miss Jessie’s: Creating a Successful Business From Scratch — Naturally by Micho Branch
  195. More Myself: A Journey by Alicia Keys
  196. More than Enough: Claiming Space for Who You Are (No Matter What They Say) by Elaine Welteroth
  197. More Than Pretty: Doing the Soul Work that Uncovers Your True Beauty by Erica Campbell
  198. More than Ready: Be Strong and Be You… and Other Lessons for Women of Color on the Rise by Cecilia Muñoz
  199. Multipliers: How the best leaders make everyone smarter by Liz Wiseman
  200. Muscogee Daughter: My sojourn to the Miss America Pageant by Susan Supernaw
  201. My (Underground) American Dream: My True Story as an Undocumented Immigrant Who Became a Wall Street Executive by Julissa Arce
  202. My Beloved World by Sonia Sotomayor
  203. My Life in Full: Work, Family, and Our Future by Indra Nooyi (business)
  204. My Life: Queen of the Court by Serena Williams
  205. My Own Words by Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Mary Hartnett, Wendy Williams
  206. My Time to Speak: Reclaiming Ancestry and Confronting Race by Ilia Calederon
  207. Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office: Unconscious Mistakes Women Make that Sabotage Their Careers by Lois P. Frankel, PhD
  208. Night Flying Woman: An Ojibway Narrative by Ignatia Broker
  209. Nimble, Focused, Feisty: Organizational Cultures that Win in the New Era and How to Create Them by Sara Roberts
  210. Nisei Radicals: The Feminist Poetics and Transformative Ministry of Mitsuye Yamada and Michael Yasutake by Diane C. Fujino
  211. Nooping: The Cure for White Ladies by Leanne Betasamosake Simpson
  212. Notorious BIG: The Life and Times of Ruth Bader Ginsburg by Irin Carmon & Shana Knizhnik
  213. Octavia’s Brood: Science Fiction from Social Justice Movements by adrienne maree brown
  214. Once I Was You: A Memoir of Love and Hate in a Torn America by María Hinojosa
  215. One Life by Megan Rapinoe & Emma Brockes 
  216. Open Leadership by Charlene Li
  217. Option B by Sheryl Sandberg
  218. Own It: The Power of Women at Work by Sallie Krawcheck
  219. Own Your Phenomenal Self: A Guide on Character, Success, & Leadership by Rita P. Mitchell
  220. Perfectly You: Embracing the Power of Being Real by Mariana Atencio
  221. Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good by adrienne maree brown
  222. Poet Warrior: A Memoir by Joy Harjo
  223. Portage Lake: Memories of an Ojibwe Childhood by Maude Kegg
  224. Postcolonial Leadership, A: Asian Immigrant Christian Leadership and Its Challenges by Hee An Choi
  225. Power Moves: How Women Can Pivot, Reboot, and Build a Career of Purpose by Lauren McGoodwin
  226. Presence: Bringing your boldest self to your biggest challenges by Amy Cuddy
  227. Pressure is a Privilege: Lessons I’ve Learned from Life and the Battle of the Sexes by Billie Jean King
  228. Presumed Incompetent: The Intersections of Race and Class for Women in Academia by Gabriella Gutiérrez y Muhs, Yolanda Flores Niemann, Carmen G. González
  229. Professional Troublemaker: The Fear-Fighter Manual by Luvvie Ajayi Jones
  230. Profit from the Positive by Senia Maymin & Margaret H. Greenberg
  231. Purpose Driven Leadership: Building and fostering effective teams by Brigette Tasha Hyacinth
  232. Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain
  233. Radical: Fighting to Put Students First by Michelle Rhee 
  234. Radical Candor: Be a kick-ass boss without losing your humanity by Kim Scott
  235. Radical Dharma: Talking Race, Love and Liberation by Rev Angel Kyodo Williams
  236. Reality Is Broken: Why games make us better and how they can change the world by Jane McGonigal
  237. Recovering the Sacred: The power of naming and claiming by Winona LaDuke
  238. Redefining Realness: My Path To Womanhood, Identity, Love & So Much More by Janet Mock
  239. Representation Matters: How Victory Fund, Victory Institute, and LGBT Leaders are Transforming America by Karen Ocamb
  240. Reset: My Fight for Inclusion and Lasting Change by Ellen Pao
  241. Resonate by Nancy Duarte
  242. Right Within: How to Heal From Racial Trauma in the Workplace by Minda Harts
  243. Rising Strong: How the ability to reset transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead by Brene Brown
  244. Rising to the Challenge, My Leadership Journey by Carly Fiorina
  245. Rita Moreno: A Memoir by Rita Moreno
  246. ROAR: How to Build a Resilient Organization by Sandy Asch
  247. Rookie Smarts by Liz Wiseman
  248. Run: Lessons in Leadership for Women Changing the World by Stephanie Schriock & Christina Reynolds
  249. Salsa, Soul, and Spirit: Leadership for a multicultural age by Juana Bordas
  250. See No Stranger: A Memoir and Manifesto of Revolutionary Love by Valarie Kaur
  251. Self Made: Becoming Empowered, Self Reliant and Rich in Every Way by Nely Galán
  252. Seriously…I’m Kidding by Ellen Degeneres
  253. Serving in Silence by Margarethe Cammermeyer
  254. Show Your Work by Jane Bozarth
  255. Show Your Worth: 8 Intention Strategies for Women to Emerge as Leaders at Work by Shelmina Babai Abji
  256. Silencing Gender, Age, Ethnicity and Cultural Biases in Leadership by Camilla A. Montoya, Julieta V. García. et al.
  257. Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story by Jacob Tobia
  258. Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches by Audre Lorde
  259. Sitting Pretty: The View from My Ordinary Resilient Disabled Body by Rebekah Taussig
  260. Slide-ology by Nancy Duarte
  261. Small Doses: Potent Truths for Everyday Use by Amanda Seales
  262. Small Victories: Spotting Improbable Moments of Grace by Anne Lamott
  263. So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo
  264. Speedbumps: Flooring it through Hollywood by Teri Garr
  265. Stand Out: How to find your breakthrough idea and build a following around it by Dorie Clark
  266. Staring: How We Look by Rosemarie Garland-Thomson
  267. Still Life with Rice by Helie Lee
  268. Strategize to Win: The New Way to Star Out, Step Up, or Start Over in Your Career by Carla Harris
  269. Successful Women Think Differently: 9 Habits to Make You Happier, Healthier & More Resilient by Valorie Burton
  270. Surviving Autocracy by Masha Gessen
  271. Swimming with Sharks in Dark Waters by Athene Brinson
  272. Take Charge of your Brand: Quick and simple techniques to help you own and manage your personal brand for professional and personal success by Guisselle Nuñez
  273. Teaching to Transgress: Education as the practice of freedom by Bell Hooks
  274. Thanks for the Feedback by Sheila Heen & Douglas Stone
  275. That’s What She Said: What Men Need to Know (And Women Need to Tell Them) About Working Together by Joanne Lipman
  276. The 100 Year Life by Lynda Gratton
  277. The 1619 Project: A New Origin Story by Nikole Hannah-Jones
  278. The 9 Steps to Financial Freedom: Practical and Spiritual Steps So You Can Stop Worrying by Suze Orman
  279. The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why it Matters by Priya Parker
  280. The Black Widow’s Guide to Killer Pool: Become the Player to Beat by Jeanette Lee 
  281. The Book of Awesome Black Americans: Scientific Pioneers Trailblazing Entrepreneurs, Barrier-Breaking Activists and AFro-Futurists by Monique jones
  282. The Buena Salud Guide to Understanding Depression and Enjoying Life by Jane Delgado
  283. The Change Masters by Rosabeth Moss Kanter
  284. The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance – What Women Should Know by Katty Kay & Claire Shipman
  285. The Confidence Game by Maria Konnikova
  286. The Cooked Seed: A Memoir by Anchee Min
  287. The Disability Experience: Working Toward Belonging by Hannalora Leavitt
  288. The Diversity Advantage: Fixing Gender Inequality In The Workplace by Ruchika Tulshyan
  289. The Education of an Idealist: A Memoir by Samantha Power
  290. The End of Competitive Advantage by Rita Gunther McGrath
  291. The Far Away Brothers: Two young migrants and the making of an American life by Lauren Markham
  292. The Gloria Anzaldúa Reader (Latin America Otherwise) by Gloria Anzaldua
  293. The Hill We Climb by Amanda Gorman
  294. The Holly Woodlawn Story: A Low Life in High Heels by Holly Woodlawn
  295. The Holy Intimacy of Strangers by Sarah York
  296. The Injustice Never Leaves You: Anti-Mexican Violence in Texas by Monica Muñoz Martinez
  297. The Latina Guide to Health: Consejos and Caring Answers by Jane Delgado
  298. The Leadership Shift: The Strategic Positioning of Latino Business Leaders by Dr. Nilda Perez
  299. The Likeability Trap: How to Break Free and Succeed As You Are by Alicia Menendez
  300. The Little Black Book of Success: Laws of Leadership for Black Women by Elaine Meryl Brown; Marsha Haygood; Angela Burt-Murray
  301. The Making of a Manager: What to Do When Everyone Looks To You by Julie Zhuo
  302. The Man Without a Face: The Unlikely Rise of Vladimir Putin by Masha Gessen
  303. The Memo: What Women of Color Need to Know to Secure a Seat at the Table by Minda Harts
  304. The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl by Issa Rae
  305. The Moonshot Effect by Kate Purmal & Lisa Goldman
  306. The New IT: How Technology are Enabling Business Strategy in the Digital Age by Jill Dyche
  307. The New Social Learning by Marcia Conner
  308. The Next Generation of Women Leaders: What You Need to Lead but Won’t Learn in Business School by Selena Rezvani
  309. The No Club: Putting a Stop to Women’s Dead End-Work by Linda Babcock, Brenda Peyser, Lise Vesterlund, and Laurie Weingart
  310. The Obsessive Joy of Autism by Julia Bascom
  311. The One Week Budget by Tiffany Aliche
  312. The Power of Latino Leadership: Culture, inclusion, and contribution by Juana Bordas
  313. The pretty one: on life, pop culture, disability, and other reasons to fall in love with me by Keah Brown
  314. The Race Whisperer: Barack Obama and the political uses of race by Melanye Price
  315. The Road to Someplace Better: From the Segregated South to Harvard Business School and Beyond by Lillian Lincoln Lambert
  316. The Sacred Hoop: Recovering the Feminine in American Indian Traditions by Paula Gunn Allen
  317. The School Days of an Indian Girl, and an Indian Teacher Among Indians by Zitkala-Sa
  318. The Shift by Lynda Gratton
  319. The Signals are Talking by Amy Webb
  320. The Silent Master: Awakening the Power Within by Tae Yun Kim 
  321. The Soul of a Woman by Isabel Allende
  322. The Tao of Raven: An Alaska Native Memoir by Ernestine Hayes
  323. The Death and Life of Great American Cities by Jane Jacobs
  324. The Transformational Consumer: Fuel a lifelong love affair with your customers by helping them get healthier, wealthier, and wiser by Tara-Nicholle Nelson
  325. The Truths We Hold: An American Journey by Kamala Harris
  326. The Turquoise Ledge by Leslie Silko
  327. The Undocumented Americans by Karla Conejo Villavicencio
  328. The Virtuous Circle: Restore Your Confidence, Bounce Back, and Emerge Stronger by Gaby Natale
  329. The White Album by Joan Didion
  330. The World I Live In by Helen Keller
  331. Thick Face, Black Heart: The warrior philosophy for conquering the challenges of business and life by Chin-Ning Chu
  332. Think Like a Negotiator by Eldonna Lewis Fernandez
  333. Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a Life of Well-Being, Wisdom, and Wonder by Arianna Huffington
  334. Too Late to Die Young: Nearly True Tales from a Life by Harriet McBryde Johnson
  335. Truth or Dare: Encounters with power, authority, and mystery by Starhawk
  336. Unfinished Business by Anne-Marie Slaughter
  337. Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships: Decoding social mysteries through autism’s unique perspectives by Temple Grandin
  338. Upper Hand: The Future of Work for the Rest of Us by Sherrell Dorsey
  339. Waist-High in the World: A Life Among the Nondisabled by Nancy Mairs
  340. We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
  341. We Will Not Cancel Us by adrienne maree brown
  342. Weapons of Math Destruction by Cathy O’Neil
  343. Werk 101: Get Your Life Together Guide by Koereyelle DuBose
  344. What I Know for Sure by Oprah Winfrey
  345. What Will it Take to Make a Woman President? by Marianne Schnall
  346. When I Was Puerto Rican by Esmeralda Santiago
  347. When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron
  348. Where the Past Begins: Memory and Imagination by Amy Tan 
  349. Whiteness Visible: The meaning of whiteness in American literature and culture by Valerie Babb
  350. Wiping the War Paint off the Lens: Native American Film and Video by Beverly Singer
  351. Wishful Drinking by Carrie Fisher
  352. WOLFPACK: How to Come Together, Unleash Our Power, and Change the Game by Abby Wambach
  353. Women and Leadership: Real Lives, Real Lessons by Julia Gillard & Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala
  354. Women of Color in Tech: A Blueprint for Inspiring and Mentoring the Next Generation of Technology Innovators by Susanne Tedrick
  355. Women’s Ways of Knowing: The development of self, voice, and mind by Mary Field Belenky, et. al.
  356. Year of Yes: How to dance it out, stand in the sun, and be your own person by Shonda Rhimes
  357. You Are a Mogul: How to Do the Impossible, Do It Yourself, and Do It Now by Tiffany Pham
  358. Your Next Level Life: 7 Rules of Power, Confidence, and Opportunity for Black Women in America by Karen Arrington
  359. The Color of Courage: Crushing Racism in Corporate America by Cindi Bright
  360. The Extraordinary Power of Leader Humility: Thriving Organizations – Great Results by Marilyn Gist, PhD
  361. 7 Forms of Respect: A Guide to Transforming Your Communication and Relationships at Work by Julie Pham, PhD
  362. Power Your Purpose: A Leader’s Guide to Creating a Better Life and a Better World by Sian Chuan
  363. Somebody’s Daughter: A Memoir by Ashley C. Ford
  364. Red Paint: The Ancestral Autobiography of a Coast Salish Punk by Sasha LaPointe
  365. Black and Blue: A Memoir of Racism and Resilience by  Veronica Gorrie
  366. Spílexm: A Weaving of Recovery, Resilience, and Resurgence by Nicola I. Campbell
  367. White Magic by Elissa Wshuta
  368. An Indian Among Los Indígenas: A Native Travel Memoir by Ursula Pike
  369. Carry: A Memoir of Survival on Stolen Land by Toni Jensen
  370. A Mind Spread Out on the Ground by Alicia Elliott
  371. Native American DNA by Kim TallBear
  372. Raising Ourselves: A Gwitch’in Coming of Age Story from the Yukon River by Velma Wallis
  373. Blonde Indian: an Alaska Native Memoir by Ernestine Hayes
  374. Cormorant Hunter’s Wife by Joan Naviyuk Kane
  375. Roughly for the North by Carrie Ayagduk Ojanen
  376. Tales of Ticasuk: Eskimo Legends & StoriesT by Ticasuk Emily Ivanoff Brown
  377. Our Brave Foremothers: Celebrating 100 Black, Brown, Asian & Indigenous Women Who Changed the Course of History by Rozella Kennedy
  378. Black Fatigue: How Racism Erodes the Mind, Body, and Spirit by Mary-Francis Winters
  379. Year of Yes: How to Dance it Out, Stand in the Sun, and Be Your Own Person by Shonda Rhimes
  380. How Boards Work and How They Can Work Better in a Chaotic World by Dambisa Moyo
  381. Chasing Youth Culture and Getting it Right: How Your Business Can Profit by Tapping Today’s Most Powerful Trendsetters and Tastemakers by Tina Wells
  382. Unapologetically Ambitious: Take Risks, Break Barriers, and Create Success on Your Own Terms by Shellye Archambeau
  383. The Rise: Creativity, the Gift of Failure, and the Search for Mastery by Sarah Lewis
  384. Black Entrepreneur Survival Guide: The complete guide to becoming a successful African American entrepreneur by Dunneille D. Anderson
  385. CEO of My Soul: The Self-Love Journey of a Small Business Owner by Nic Cober Esquire
  386. Success Never Smelled So Sweet: How I Followed My Nose and Found My Passion by Lisa Price & Hilary Beard
  387. We Should All Be Millionaires: A Woman’s Guide to Earning More, Building Wealth, and Gaining Economic Power by Rachel Rodgers
  388. 9 Laws of Success: Attracting the Life, Love, Health & Success You Want! by Stormy Wellington
  389. Self-Esteem is the New Black: How to become the confident woman you have always wanted to be! by Monique Mays
  390. Get Good with Money: Ten Simple Steps to Becoming Financially Whole by Tiffany “The Budgetnista” Aliche
  391. How We Show Up: Reclaiming Family, Friendship, and Community by Mia Birdsong
  392. Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay
  393. Eloquent Rage: A Black Feminist Discovers Her Superpower by Brittney Cooper
  394. Mom and Me and Mom by Maya Angelou
  395. The Black Woman Millionaire: A Revolutionary Act that DEFIES Impossible by Dr. Venus Opal Reese
  396. When the Miracle Drops: How Instagram Helped Turn a Quick Fix Into a Million-Dollar Product by Jessica Dupart
  397. The Path Made Clear: Discovering Your Life’s Direction and Purpose by Oprah Winfrey
  398. Mental Detox: The Power and Guidance to Implement Peace, Joy, Balance, and Financial Abundance in Your Life by Cheyenne Bryant
  399. Quantam Leaps: 10 Steps to Help You Soar by Gloria Mayfield Bangs
  400. Meaty: Essays by Smantha Irby
  401. Where You Are is Not Who You Are by Ursula Burns
  402. Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A guide to reclaiming yourself by Nedra Glover Tawwab
  403. I’m Not Yelling by Elizabeth Leiba 
  404. Responsible Marketing by Lola Bakare 
  405. The Urgent Life by Bozoma Saint John 
  406. Feeding the Soul by Tabitha Brown
  407. Hurdles in the Dark by Elvira K. Gonzalez
  408. In the Shadow of the Mountain: A Memoir of Courage by Silvia Vasquez-Lavado
  409. Through the Dark by Yolanda Nava
  410. Thriving in the Fight: A Survival Manual for Latinas on the Front Lines of Change by Denise Padin Collazo
  411. Justice & Space Matter in a Strong, Unified Latino Community by Kathy Bussert-Web, Maria Eugenia Diaz, Krystal A Yanez
  412. Breaking Ground and Barriers: Hispanic Women Developing Effective Leadership by Gloria Bonilla-Santiago, Ph.D.
  413. Latinization and the Latino Leader: How to Value, Develop, and Advance Latino Professionals by Cristina Benitez & Marlene Gonzalez
  414. Latino and Latina Leaders of the 21st Century: Ordinary Beginnings, Extraordinary Outcomes by Kay (Kayla) S. Garcia
  415. Latina Empowerment Through Leadership: Mindful Stories from Inspiring Women by Catherine Munoz-Garces, Monica Rivera, Lizza Monet Morales, Celia Garcia, Veronica Corona, Maggie Antillon Mathews, Roxana Damas, and Jennifer Ibarra
  416. The More or Less Definitive Guide to Self Care by Anna Borges
  417. Act Like a Leader, Think Like a Leader by Hermina Ibarra
  418. You Don’t Have to Like Me: Essays on Growing Up, Speaking Out, and Finding Feminism by Alida Nugent
  419. Demystifying Disability: What to Know, What to Say, and How to Be an Ally by Emily Ladau
  420. Year of the Tiger: An Activists Life by Alice Wong
  421. What Doesn’t Kill You: A Life with Chronic Illness – Lessons from a Body in Revolt by Tessa Miller
  422. Resistance and Hope: Essays by Disabled People edited by  Alice Wong
  423. A Face for Picasso: Coming of Age with Crouzon Syndrome b: Ariel Henley
  424. Just Human: The Quest for Disability Wisdom, Respect, and Inclusion by Arielle Silverman, PhD
  425. How I See It: A Personal and Historical View of Disability by H Penny Mishkin
  426. Successful to Burnt Out: Experiences of Women on the Autism Spectrum by Karletta Abianac
  427. Why Not Me? by Mindy Kaling
  428. Not a Poster Child: Living Well with a Disability – A Memoir by Francine Falk-Allen
  429. Not a Poster Child: Living Well with a Disability – A Memoir by Francine Falk-Allen
  430. My Body is Not a Prayer Request: Disability Justice in the Church by Amy Kenny
  431. More the Same than Different: What I Wish People Knew About Respecting and Including People with Disabilities by Lorraine Cannistra
  432. Glue: How Project Leaders Create Cohesive, Engaged, High-Performing Teams by Anh Dao Pham
  433. Thick Face, Black Heart: The warrior philosophy for conquering the challenges of business and life by Chin-Ning Chu
  434. Uplifted: Journeys of Abundance, Community, and Identity by Geena Chen
  435. Sheer Determination: Swimming Upstream in a Downstream World by Kay Hirai
  436. Fierce and Fearless: Patsy Takemoto Mink, First Woman of Color in Congress by Judy Tzu-Chun Wu & Gwendolyn Mink
  437. The Next American Revolution: Sustainable Activism for the Twenty-First Century by Grace Lee Boggs
  438. The Death of Truth: Notes on Falsehood in the Age of Trump by Michiko Kakutani
  439. The Woman Warrior: Memoirs of a Girlhood Among Ghosts by Maxine Hong Kingston
  440. America for Americans: A History of Xenophobia in the United States by Erika Lee
  441. Somewhere Inside: One Sister’s Captivity in North Korea and the Other’s Fight to Bring Her Home by Laura Ling & Lisa Ling
  442. I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For: Now What? 21 Days to Confidence and Clarity by Dr. Sweta Chawla
  443. The Asian American Achievement Paradox by Jennifer Lee, Min Zhou
  444. The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why it Matters by Priya Parker
  445. Breaking the Bamboo Ceiling: Career Strategies for Asians by Jane Hyun
  446. Perfect Enough: How to be happier and more productive by letting go of perfectionism by Judy T. Dang
  447. The Wake Up: Closing the Gap Between Good Intentions and Real Change by Michelle Mijung Kim
  448. Innovation Starts With I: Increase Your Influence. Ignite Your Impact. by Saleema Vellani
  449. Unapologetically Ambitious: Take Risks, Break Barriers, and Create Success on Your Own Terms by Shellye Archambeau
  450. Sound Is Not Enough: The Art of Captioning for Universal Access by Svetlana Kouznetsova
  451. I’m Speaking: Every Woman’s Guide for Finding Your Voice and Using It Fearlessly by Jessica Doyle-Mekkes
  452. Insight by Tasha Eurich
  453. Build your dream team: Leadership based on a passion for people by Candela Iglesis
  454. Conversational Intelligence: How great leaders build trust and get extraordinary results by Judith Glaser
  455. Dare to Inspire by Allison Holzer
  456. Disrupt it Yourself by Simone Ahuja
  457. Disrupters: Success strategies from women who break the mold by: Patti Fletcher
  458. Fearless Growth by Amanda Setili
  459. Managing Up by Mary Abbajay
  460. Power Your Tribe by Christine Comaford
  461. Teaming: How organizations learn, innovate and compete in the knowledge economy by Amy Edmondson
  462. The Future Workplace Experience by Jeanne Meister and Karen Mulcahy
  463. The myth of the nice girl by Fran Hauser
  464. Brave Leadership: Unleash your most confident, powerful and authentic self by Kimberly Davis
  465. Emotional Agility by Susan David
  466. Fierce Leadership by: Susan Scott
  467. Leading gracefully: A women’s guide to confident, authentic and effective leadership by Monique Tallon
  468. The Fearless Organization by Amy C. Edmondson
  469. The Insiders guide to culture change by Siobhan McHale
  470. Thinking in Bets: Making smarter decisions when you don’t have al the facts by Anne Duke
  471. The Good Boss: 9 Ways Every Manager Can Support Women at Work by Kate Eberle Walker
  472. The Gray Rhino by Michele Wucker
  473. The Long Game: How to Be a Long-Term Thinker in a Short-Term World by Dorie Clark
  474. The Art of Change Leadership: Driving Transformation In a Fast-Paced World by Cheryl Cran
  475. What I Wish I Knew When I Was 20: A Crash Course on Making Your Place in the World by Tina Seelig
  476. Quirky: the remarkable story of how traits, foibles and genius of breakthrough innovators who changed the world by Mellisa Schilling
  477. The 9 types of leadership by Beatrice Chestnut
  478. How Innovation Really Works by Ann Knott
  479. How Women Decide by Therese Huston
  480. The Culture Map by Erin Meyer
  481. The Managers Path by Camille Fournier
  482. Becoming a Fearless leader: A simple guide to taking control and building happy, productive, highly performing teams by Elizabeth Shassere
  483. Build an A team: Play to their strengths and lead them up the learning curve by Whitney Johnson
  484. From Supervisor to Super Leader by Shanda Miller
  485. Leading With Grit by Laurie Sudbrink
  486. Know My Name by Chanel Miller
  487. Open Leadership: How Social Technology Can Transform the Way You Lead by Charlene Li
  488. Powerful: Building a culture of freedom & responsibility by Patty McCord
  489. The Art of Authenticity by Karissa Thacker
  490. The Art of Quiet Influence by Jocelyn Davis
  491. The Female Advantage by Sally Helgesen
  492. The Influence Effect: A new path to power for women leaders by Kathryn Heath
  493. Women Make Great Leaders by Jill Griffin
  494. Leadership Unchained: Defy Conventional wisdom for breakthrough performance by Sara Canady
  495. Move: How decisive leaders execute strategy despite obstacles, set backs and stalls by Patti Azzarello
  496. The language of emotional intelligence by Jeanne Segal
  497. Rule Makers, Rule Breakers by Michele Gelfand
  498. The Hope Driven Leader by Libby Gill
  499. Bad Leadership: What it is how it happens why it matters by Barbara Kellerman
  500. The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women byValerie Young

9 Ways to Support the Entrepreneurs in Your Life Without Being a Customer

Your friend started a business and you want to support them but it doesn’t make sense to buy their product or service. As an entrepreneur, as a family of entrepreneurs who served entrepreneurs, entrepreneurship is hard. Here are easy, free ways to support the entrepreneurs in your life. 

  1. Follow their company’s social media channels
  2. Subscribe to their marketing newsletter 
  3. Like or Share something they posted about their business on social media 
  4. Offer to be a sounding board for their ideas
  5. Connect them to people who might be able to give them valuable advice
  6. Connect them to people who might be potential clients
  7. Ask about their business, the way you would ask about their family
  8. Understand that they may have to prioritize their business—the way you’d be sympathetic to parents with their kids
  9. Understand that their work is personal, that the boundary between work and life for entrepreneurs is thin and sometimes nonexistent
Watch the Video Explainer

How to Write a Proposal to Get a Job You Love

In my blog post about  6 Tips on How to Get a Job You Love, I mentioned writing a proposal to pitch yourself as a candidate for a job, even one that doesn’t exist yet.

Taking the time to write this proposal will also force you to articulate your pitch why you want this job. As you go through the exercise, you may realize that you don’t want it. Or you may realize that you’re still super excited about it.

Every time I’ve written such a proposal, people have been impressed by my ability to communicate, process large amounts of information, and synthesize what needs to be done. I’ve also been on the hiring end where I’ve gotten a proposal and it signaled to me how committed the candidate was to the role.

Ideally, you should write the proposal after you’ve had at least an informational interview, and perhaps even the full interview loop.

Here are the 6 elements of a proposal:

  1. Why do you want to be at that company or in a new role?

Define clearly why you want to be there. Reference specific aspects of the company or of that role that appeal to you. The more detailed you can be, the more believable you will be.

  1. Why do your skill sets and experience make you a good fit for the company or for a different role in the company

Help the hiring manager understand why you would be a good fit, which is different from you being a strong candidate. Being a good fit means that you understand what this role and company needs and you fulfill those needs. You could be really skilled, but not a good fit for their needs. When you describe your experiences, that’s what sets you apart from other candidates. This also helps them understand that you understand what they need.

  1. What you see as the company’s strengths, needs, and opportunities

It might feel uncomfortable for you to give an analysis of both the good and the bad, and yet it shows that you are a critical thinker and listener. You were able to digest what they shared with you and to show a vision of what’s possible. You can literally do this as a SWOT analysis.

  1. What you would do to address the needs, weaknesses, and opportunities

And after you write the SWOT analysis, then talk about what you would do to reinforce their strengths, improve the areas where they are weak, pursue their opportunities, and address their threats.

  1. Create a sample timeline of your plan to add value

Write out a plan of how you would go about fulfilling this role in the first three, six, or nine months on the job. You don’t want to go too far in the future because there could be a lot of things that change. Make it just long enough so that you have done enough to make progress and know what to do next. Keep in mind that you won’t necessarily exit on this plan, but that it shows your ability to prioritize and plan and that you were action-oriented.

  1. Compensation

Think about what you would want to be compensated for this role. Do your research. It might be uncomfortable for you to write it out. But it might even be more uncomfortable for you to say it to them. Think about other benefits and parks that are important to you and you can put them in here.

Whenever I’ve written these proposals, they’ve been at least 3.5 to 5 pages long. Remember, you are writing this proposal for both you and the employer, not just the employer. 

Watch the Video Explainer

Check out my blog post on 6 Tips on How to Make the Most of Informational Interviews When You’re Looking For A Job. You can watch the video explainer versions by subscribing to the CuriosityBased YouTube channel.

Why Increasing Rejection Can Be Good For Your Business

As a business owner, hearing “no” can be painful and yet necessary. I actually think that it can be helpful for business owners to hear “no”. Here are three scenarios in which it’s actually good to hear “no”.

No to my sales pitch

If I’m not getting enough “no’s”, then I’m not pitching enough. I did an analysis of my close rate, and I realized I was getting an 80% win rate, which means eight out of 10 people who I asked said “yes” to my request. I realized that is way too high. It means that I’m actually not asking enough people. I was playing it safe. 

What is your “win” rate? How many people say “yes” to you versus how many people say “no”? I am aiming to increase the number of people I ask, which will inevitably lower my win rate, but I’m okay with that because I’m expanding my overall potential to gain new business.

No to my price

If some people aren’t telling me that I’m too expensive, then I’m probably not charging enough. I have to be okay with some people not being able to afford my services, just like I’m okay with the services that I can’t afford, so I go with other options. 

This also requires you to know what is your bottom line price that you need to make for you to feel valued and compensated. If you’re willing to lower your price, are you going to feel resentful afterward because you did so? Once I said no to a good project, but they changed their scope of work, and it would’ve been much more expensive. They were saying no to my price, and I was okay with not changing my price to accommodate their needs.

No to your method or idea

Not hearing “no” enough means that your content is too generic. Getting “no” means that you are not trying to please everyone and you can focus on what makes you special. 

There is a popular sales book called Getting to Yes, about how you overcome objections in sales pitches, and negotiations. I actually think that it can be helpful for business owners to hear “no” and be grateful about it rather than being super pushy.

When I started out my business, I tried to get as many “yeses” as possible. Saying “yes” in the beginning could help us figure out what we’re doing. I asked “who is willing to pay me something?”, because something is better than nothing. As my business progressed, and I got more focus, I realized I couldn’t say yes to everything because it would mean taking focus away from the work that I started the business for in the first place. So, don’t be afraid of getting no. We don’t always have to try to get to yes.  This recently happened to me when a prospective client said they were “too advanced” and CuriosityBased workshops weren’t helpful to those who were “further along in their equity journey.” They’re spot on. Their “no” reflected how they wanted training workshops, which takes participants through a linear progression of different levels of mastery. 

CuriosityBased designs experiences to enable people to have vulnerable conversations so they can learn from one another instead of from a single instructor. People have taken the same CuriosityBased workshop over and over again with different people and still learn something new each time. The idea that people can be “being further along” conflicts with my philosophy on learning. (You can read more here). Understanding this potential client’s “no” reminds me it’s okay not to compromise or change myself to get to a yes. 

When I hear, no, it makes me think, what am I willing to do to get yes? What are they telling me?

I’m not saying you should aim to have 100% “no”. When you hear “no” though, it means you’re pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, which is important for you to focus and grow your business. 

Watch the Video Explainer

Also check out the blog post on “4 Surprising benefits to getting rejection.”  

2 Ways to Manage Expectations with Others

Managing expectations is a never-ending exercise in clearly articulating our needs, wants, and hopes. It requires activating all three elements of practicing curiosity: self- awareness, relationship building, and communication.

Here’s what I learned to help me navigate the dynamics of managing expectations that I’ve applied to both my personal and professional life. Here are two ways to manage expectations with others so that they’re not surprised or disappointed with you.

  1. Explicitly describe what people can expect from you

I have to constantly remind myself that people can’t read my mind and I have to be more explicit. In regard to their own expectations, some people think in terms of what they will gain and benefit. For my clients, I describe what they will get with specific examples. For my team, I try to anticipate their questions and concerns. This is especially important now as people worry about layoffs. For my friends, I let them know what kind of support I can provide. 

  1. Explicitly describe what people can’t expect

Other people think in terms of what they might lose or won’t get, so I also list what I won’t be doing and what they will not get so that I can manage their expectations. For example, I often tell people my 7 Forms of Respect framework will NOT teach them how to be respectful, that it’s not like 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. For my team, I’ve made it clear that until we become consistently profitable, I can’t increase hours or provide more benefits. For my friends, I let them know when I can’t provide support in the ways they asked of me.

When you manage others’ expectations, they’ll manage yours. People will often meet your level of transparency.

Last year, I was clear about expenses outpacing revenue. I told my team that I understand they have to consider their individual financial needs because I don’t know when I can provide higher salaries. I just ask them to keep me updated if they do search for work elsewhere. When a team member left for a great career opportunity, I was not surprised. My expectations were managed. 

Watch the Video Explainer


Also check out the blog post on “4 Tips To Managing Expectations of Yourself”.

4 Tips to Managing Expectations of Yourself

Managing expectations is a never-ending exercise in clearly articulating our needs, wants, and hopes. It requires activating all three elements of practicing curiosity: self- awareness, relationship building, and communication.

Here’s what I learned to help me navigate the dynamics of managing expectations that I’ve applied to both my personal and professional life. Here are four tips to manage your own expectations of yourself:

Differentiate between expectations and hope

It’s easy to let expectations slide into hopes, which often don’t have any basis in reality. I realized expectations should be based on my previous experiences to determine what is realistic and possible. For example, I was a bit too optimistic in my second year in business. I was hopeful. I didn’t have any evidence that supported my expectations, meaning they were really just hopes.

Don’t compare myself to others in creating expectations for myself

If I only look at those who I think have more than me, I will always feel I don’t have enough. So, I can’t compare. This is a hard one to admit that I do. I constantly have to remind myself not to compare. I have close friends who are also authors of wildly successful books. As a self-published author without a long track record of prestigious publications or public speaking, I can’t apply the same expectations of success to myself.

Continue to do things I love even if they don’t meet my expectations 

There are so many things I love doing, such as writing essays like this, that don’t meet my expectations of desired outcomes. I often remind myself that I don’t write because I expect a lot of views; I write to have an impact, even if that impact is limited to a few readers. Think about what things you love to do and that you would do no matter what, even if they don’t live up to your expectations. This lesson is also connected to the one on differentiating between expectations and hope (see lesson #7).

Lower my expectations to “good enough” so I can experiment faster

I sometimes slip into perfectionist standards. This past year, I pushed myself to create content with less and sometimes no outside editing before I post. I’ve been surprised by how my raw content can resonate with people, like my 2021 reflections on managing my energy instead of my time or my Instagram reel that went viral when I made fun of myself. This lesson is one I will lean into even more in 2023.

I’ve learned to accept that managing expectations is an iterative process in which I have to be asking questions and listening carefully to both others and to myself. 

Do any of these lessons resonate with you? You can listen to me reading the original essay at: https://drjuliepham.substack.com/p/2022-reflections

Watch the Video Explainer

Also check out the blog post “2 Ways to Manage Expectations with Others“.

2023 Black-Authored Leadership BookList

In honor of Black History Month, we created this list of books authored by Black leaders. This list is meant to be a resource, not an official endorsement. The books are not ranked or listed in any particular order.

2023-Black-Authored-Leadership-Books-1Download
  1. In Search of Our Mother’s Garden: Womanist Prose by Alice Walker 
  2. Purpose Driven Leadership: Building and fostering effective teams by Bridgette Tasha Hyacinth 
  3. The Transformational Consumer: Fuel a lifelong love affair with your customers by helping them get healthier, wealthier, and wiser by Tara-Nicholle Nelson 
  4. Haben: The Deafblind Woman Who Conquered Harvard Law by Haben Girma
  5. Unprecedented: The Masters and Me by Tiger Woods 
  6. The Truths We Hold: An American Journey by Kamala Harris 
  7. The Fire Next Time by James Baldwin 
  8. Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches by Audre Lorde 
  9. Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body by Roxane Gay 
  10. Everybody’s Got Something by Robin Roberts & Veronica Chambers 
  11. This is the Fire: What I say to My Friends About Racism by Don Lemon 
  12. On the Other Side of Freedom: The Case for Hope by DeRay Mckesson 
  13. White Girls by Holton Als 
  14. Nothing Personal by James Baldwin 
  15. Revelations: The Autobiography of Alvin Ailey by Alvin Aily & A. Peter Bailey
  16. Emergent Strategy: Shaping Change, Changing Worlds by Adrienne Maree Brown
  17. We Will Not Cancel Us by Adrienne Maree Brown
  18. Love and Rage by Lama Rod Owens
  19. Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good by Adrienne Maree Brown
  20. How to Get Stupid White Men Out of Office: The Anti-Politics, Un-Boring Guide to Power by Adrienne Maree Brown
  21. It’s About Damn Time by Arlan Hamilton
  22. My Story of Embracing Purpose, Healing & Hope by Kamaro Brown
  23. The Mentor Leader by Tony Dungy
  24. Uncommon: Finding Your Path to Significance by Tony Dungy
  25. The Secrets to Success: When you want to Succeed as Bad as You Want to Breath by Eric Thomas
  26. Produced by Faith: Enjoy real success without losing your true self by DeVon Franklin
  27. Super Rich: A guide to having it all by Russell Simmons
  28. It Worked for Me: In life and leadership by Colin Powell
  29. Reach: 40 Black men speak on living, leading, and succeeding by Ben Jealous & Trabian Shorters
  30. Black Faces in White Places: 10 game-changing strategies to achieve success and find greatness by Randal Pinkett & Jeffrey Robinson
  31. The Gatekeepers are Gone: Hustle + Technology = Success by Lamar Tyler 
  32. Know What Makes Them Tick: How to successfully negotiate almost any situation by Shonda Rhimes
  33. The Autobiography of Malcolm X: As told to Alex Haley by Malcolm X & Alex Haley
  34. What I Know for Sure by Oprah Winfrey
  35. Hidden Figures: The American Dream and the Untold Story of the Black Women Mathematicians Who Helped Win the Space Race by Margot Lee Shetterly
  36. The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl by Issa Rae
  37. The One Week Budget by Tiffany Aliche
  38. I’m Judging You: The do-better manual by Luvvie Ajayi
  39. We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngoni Adichie
  40. The Awkward Thoughts of W. Kamau Bell by W. Kamau Bell
  41. Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates
  42. My Bondage and My Freedom by Frederick Douglass
  43. Drop the Ball: Achieving more by doing less by Tiffany Dufu 
  44. Biased: Uncovering the hidden prejudice that shapes what we see, think and do by Jennifer Eberhardt
  45. Stamped from the Beginning: The definitive history of racist ideas in America by Ibram X. Kendi 
  46. Lovesong: Becoming a Jew by Julius Lester
  47. Becoming by Michelle Obama
  48. The Race Whisperer: Barack Obama and the political uses of race by Melayne Price
  49. A Promised Land by Barack Obama
  50. Strength to Love by Martin Luther King, Jr. 
  51. My Grandmother’s Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies by Resmaa Menakem
  52. Just As I Am by Cicely Tyson
  53. Black and White: The Way I See It by Richard Williams
  54. Uncomfortable Conversations With a Black Man by Emmanuel Acho
  55. A Way Out of No Way: A Memoir of Truth, Transformation, and the New American Story by Raphael Warnock
  56. Professional Troublemaker: The Fear Fighter Manual by Luvvie Jayi Jones
  57. Finding Me: A Memoir by Viola Davis 
  58. More than Enough: Claiming Space for Who You Are (No Matter What They Say) by Elaine Welteroth 
  59. My Life: Queen of the Court by Serena Williams 
  60. Small Doses: Potent Truths for Everyday Use by Amanda Seales 
  61. Bamboozled: How God Tricked Me into the Life of My Dreams by Yvonne Orji 
  62. After the Rain: Gentle Reminders for Healing, Courage, and Self Love by Alexandra Elle
  63. The 1619 Project: A New Origin Story by Nikole Hannah-Jones 
  64. The Mind of a Winner by Steve Canal 
  65. All Bout Love by Bell Hooks 
  66. The Little Black Book of Success: Laws of Leadership for Black Women by Elaine Meryl Brown, Marsha Haygood & Angela Burt-Murray 
  67. Your Next Level Life: 7 Rules of Power, Confidence, and Opportunity for Black Women in America by Karen Arrington 
  68. Playing the Game Without a Coach: How Courage, Resilience and Forgiveness Helped One Man Seize the American Dream by Benjamin Raymond 
  69. The Wealth Choice: Secret Success of Black Millionaires by Dennis Kimbro 
  70. Beating the Odds: Eddie Brown’s Investing and Life Strategies by Eddie Brown 
  71. Strategize to Win: The New Way to Star Out, Step Up, or Start Over Your Career by Carla Harris 
  72. Rise and Grind: Outperform, Outwork, and Outhustle Your Way to a More Successful and Rewarding Life by Daymond John & Daniel Paisner 
  73. Life in Motion: An Unlikely Ballerina by Misty Copeland 
  74. The Work: Searching for a Life that Matters by Wes Moore 
  75. The Last Black Unicorn by Tiffany Haddish 
  76. Lead from the Outside: How to Build Your Future and Make Real Change by Stacey Abrams 
  77. 50 Billion Dollar Boss: African American Women Sharing Stories of Success in Entrepreneurship and Leadership by Kathey Porter 
  78. Black Business Secrets: 500 Tips, Strategies, and Resources for the African American Entrepreneur by Dante Lee 
  79. Black Fortunes: The Story of the First Six African Americans Who Escaped Slavery and Became Millionaires by Shomari Wills 
  80. Black Power Inc.: The New Voices of Success by  Cora Daniels 
  81. Climb: Taking Every Step with Conviction, Courage, and Calculated Risk to Achieve a Thriving Career and a Successful Life by Michelle Gadsden-Williams, Carolyn M. Brown 
  82. Boss Bride: The Powerful Woman’s Playbook for Love and Success by Charreah Jackson 
  83. Conversations in Black: On Power, Politics, and Leadership by  Ed Gordon 
  84. Double Down: Bet on Yourself and Succeed on Your Own Terms by  Antionette M. Clarke & Tricia Clarke-Stone 
  85. Expect to Win: Proven Strategies for Success From a Wall Street Vet by  Carla A. Harris 
  86. It’s About Time: The Art of Choosing the Meaningful Over the Urgent by  Valorie Burton
  87. Little Black Book: A Toolkit for Working Women by  Otegha Uwagba 
  88. Miss Jessie’s: Creating A Successful Business from Scratch – Naturally by Micho Branch 
  89. Mo’s Bows: A Young Person’s Guide to Start-up Success: Measure, Cut, Stitch Your Way to a Great Business by Moziah Bridges & Tramica Morris 
  90. More Than Pretty: Doing the Soul Work that Uncovers Your True Beauty by  Erica Campbell 
  91. The Book of Awesome Black Americans: Scientific Pioneers Trailblazing Entrepreneurs, Barrier-Breaking Activists and Afro-Futurists by Monique Jones 
  92. The Memo: What Women of Color Need to Know to Secure a Seat at the Table by Minda Harts 
  93. The Merchant Prince of Black Chicago: Anthony Overton and the building of a Financial Empire by Robert E. Weems 
  94. Balancing Work and Life: The Nia Guide for Black Women by Sherly Huggins & Cheryl Mayberry McKissack 
  95. The Road to Someplace Better: From the Segregated South to Harvard Business School and Beyond by Lillian Lincoln Lambert 
  96. You Got This!: Unleash Your Awesomeness, Find Your Path, and Change Your World by Maya Penn 
  97. Women of Color in Tech: A Blueprint for Inspiring and Mentoring the Next Generation of Technology Innovators by Susanne Tedrick 
  98. Finding My Voice: My Journey to the West Wing and the Path Forward by Valarie Jarret 
  99. Believe Bigger: Discover the Path to Your Life Purpose by Marshawn Evans Daniels 
  100. Swimming with Sharks in Dark Waters by Athene Brinson 
  101. FutureProofed: How to Navigate Disruptive Change, Find Calm in Chaos, and Succeed in Work & Life by Natalia Peart 
  102. Own Your Phenomenal Self: A Guide on Character, Success, & Leadership by Rita P. Mitchell 
  103. Werk 101: Get Your Life Together Guide by Koereyelle DuBose 
  104. Illogical: Saying Yes to a Life Without Limits by Emmanuel Acho 
  105. Impolite Conversations: On Race, Politics, Sex, Money, and Religion by Cora Daniels & John L. Jackson Jr. 
  106. Driven by Intention: Own Your Purpose, Gain Power, and Pursue Your Passion as a Woman at Work by Michelle Gadsden-Williams 
  107. Right Within: How to Heal From Racial Trauma in the Workplace by Minda Harts
  108. Gracism: The Art of Inclusion by Dr. David A. Anderson 
  109. So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo 
  110. All Bout Love by Bell Hooks 
  111. Ain’t I a Woman: Black Women and Feminism by Bell Hooks 
  112. You’ve Got to Be Hungry: The Greatness Within to Win by Les Brown 
  113. The Art of Ronin Leadership by Mike Howard 
  114. Hood Feminist: Notes from the Women that a Movement Forgot by Mikki Kendall 
  115. Where Do We Go from Here: Chaos or Community by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. 
  116. Upper Hand: The Future of Work for the Rest of Us by Sherrell Dorsey 
  117. Will by Will Smith 
  118. More Myself: A Journey by Alicia Keys 
  119. Undrowned: Black Feminist Lessons from Marine Mammals by Alexis Pauline Gumbs 
  120. These Wilds Beyond our Fences: Letters to My Daughter on Humanity’s Search for Home by Bayo Akomolafe 
  121. Black Futures by Kimberly Drew & Jenna Wortham 
  122. Radical Dharma: Talking Race, Love and Liberation by Rev Angel Kyodo Williams 
  123. Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption by Bryan Stevenson 
  124. Good Night Stories for Rebel Girls: 100 Real-Life Tales of Black Girl Magic by Sonja Thomas & Lilly Workneh 
  125. How to Be an Antiracist byIbram X. Kendi
  126. Bridges to Heal US: Stories and Strategies for Racial Healing by Erin Jones 
  127. The Color of Water: A Black Man’s Tribute to His White Mother by Andre Braugher, James McBride, Lainie Kazan 
  128. The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference by Malcolm Gladwell 
  129. David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants by Malcolm Gladwell 
  130. Allow Me to Retort: A Black Guy’s Guide to the Constitution by Ellie Mystal 
  131. Fire Shut Up in My Bones by Charles Blow 
  132. The Devil You Know: A Black Power Manifesto by Charles Blow  
  133. Speaking Truth to Power by Anita Hill 
  134. Writings on the Wall: Searching for a New Equality Beyond Black and White by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar 
  135. Becoming Kareem: Growing Up On and Off the Court by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar 
  136. Up from Nothing: The Untold Story of How We (All) Succeed by John Hope Bryant 
  137. The Memo: Five Rules for Your Economic Liberation by John Hope Bryant
  138. Love Leadership: The New Way to Lead in A Fear Based World by John Hope Bryant 
  139. The Purpose of Power: How We Come Together When We Fall Apart by Alicia Garza 
  140. I’m Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness by Austin Channing Brown 
  141. Standing Above the Crowd by James Donaldson
  142. The Extraordinary Power of Leader Humility: Thriving Organizations – Great Results by Marilyn Gist, PhD
  143. Talk it Up!: A Guide to Successful Public Speaking by David Suk Brown & Danny Suk Brown
  144. Our Brave Foremothers: Celebrating 100 Black, Brown, Asian & Indigenous Women Who Changed the Course of History by Rozella Kennedy
  145. You Owe You: ignite Your Power, Your Purpose, and Your Why by Eric Thomas, PhD
  146. Black Fatigue: How Racism Erodes the Mind, Body, and Spirit by Mary-Francis Winters
  147. Outliers: The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell
  148. Year of Yes: How to Dance it Out, Stand in the Sun, and Be Your Own Person by Shonda Rhimes
  149. Acting Up: Winning in Business and in Life Using Down-Home Wisdom by Janice Bryant Howroyd
  150. How Boards Work and How They Can Work Better in a Chaotic World by Dambisa Moyo
  151. Chasing Youth Culture and Getting it Right: How Your Business Can Profit by Tapping Today’s Most Powerful Trendsetters and Tastemakers by Tina Wells
  152. Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking by Malcolm Gladwell
  153. Why Should White Guys Have All the Fun? by Reginald Lewis & Blair S. Walker
  154. Unapologetically Ambitious: Take Risks, Break Barriers, and Create Success on Your Own Terms by Shellye Archambeau
  155. The Rise: Creativity, the Gift of Failure, and the Search for Mastery by Sarah Lewis
  156. Display of Power by Daymond John
  157. Black Entrepreneur Survival Guide: The complete guide to becoming a successful African American Entrepreneur by Dunneille D Anderson
  158. Black Wall Street: From Riot to Renaissance in Tulsa’s Historic Greenwood District by Hannibal B. Johnson
  159. CEO of My Soul: The Self-Love Journey of a Small Business Owner by Nic Cober Esquire
  160. Mom and Me and Mom by Maya Angelou
  161. How to Succeed in Business Without Being White: Straight Talk on Making It in America by Earl G. Graves
  162. Success Never Smelled So Sweet: How I Followed My Nose and Found My Passion by Lisa Price & Hilary Beard
  163. We Should All Be Millionaires: A Woman’s Guide to Earning More, Building Wealth, and Gaining Economic Power by Rachel Rodgers
  164. 9 Laws of Success: Attracting the Life, Love, Health & Success You Want! By Stormy Wellington
  165. Self-Esteem is the New Black: How to become the confident woman you have always wanted to be! by Monique Mays
  166. Everyday Millionaires: How Ordinary People Built Extraordinary Wealth – And How You Can Too by Chris Hogan
  167. Get Good with Money: Ten Simple Steps to Becoming Financially Whole by Tiffany “The Budgetnista” Aliche
  168. How We Show Up: Reclaiming Family, Friendship, and Community by Mia Birdsong
  169. Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay
  170. Eloquent Rage: A Black Feminist Discovers Her Superpower by Brittney Cooper 
  171. The Pursuit of Happyness by Chris Gardner
  172. Green Power: The Successful Way of A.G. Gaston by A.G. Gaston
  173. The Black Woman Millionaire: A Revolutionary Act that DEFIES Impossible by Dr. Venus Opal Reese
  174. When the Miracle Drops: How Instagram Helped Turn a Quick Fix Into a Million-Dollar Product by Jessica Dupart
  175. Building Atlanta: How I Broke Through Segregation to Launch a Business Empire by Herman J. Russell 
  176. The Path Made Clear: Discovering Your Life’s Direction and Purpose by Oprah Winfrey
  177. Mental Detox: The Power and Guidance to Implement Peace, Joy, Balance, and Financial Abundance in Your Life by Cheyenne Bryant
  178. Quantum Leaps: 10 Steps to Help You Soar by Gloria Mayfield Bangs
  179. Air Traffic: A Memoir of Ambition and Manhood in America by Gregory Pardlo
  180. A Lucky Man by Jamel Brinkley
  181. Heavy: An American Memoir by Kiese Laymon
  182. Invisible Man, Got the Whole World Watching: A Young Black Man’s Education Book by Mychal Denzel Smith
  183. Meaty: Essays by Samantha Irby
  184. Unbowed by Wangari Maathai
  185. Writing My Wrongs: Life, Death and Redemption in an American Prison by Shaka Senghor 
  186. Where You Are is Not Who You Are by Ursula Burns 
  187. The Perfect Day to Boss Up by Rick Ross & Niel Martinez-Belkin
  188. Feeding the Soul by Tabitha Brown
  189. Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A guide to reclaiming yourself by Nedra Glover Tawwab

4 Surprising Benefits of Getting Rejection

How do you feel about getting “no” for an answer?

I don’t like to get “no.” And yet not ever getting “no” could be a sign of complacency or lack of self-awareness. 

While it’s natural to want to hear yes to the things we ask for, there’s a lot of benefit in getting no’s. 

I’m referring to the requests we make that actually matter to us. There is the popular Rejection Therapy game that challenges people to make often ridiculous requests of strangers in order to condition ourselves to accept rejection. I’m not talking about asking a stranger to lend you $100 or knocking on someone’s door and seeing if they’ll host you for a meal.

Instead, think about asking for things you care about.

Here are four reasons why getting “no” to the requests that matter to can actually help us:

Ego-check: Getting a “no” keeps our egos in check and helps us understand the goal is not to always get a yes. If I got “yes” all the time, I’d get an inflated sense of self and I’d start to believe I’m invincible. For example, I have a big network of friends, acquaintances, and supporters; I hear people tell me, “You know everyone in Seattle.” In reality, I reach out to a lot of people to reconnect, and some of them say they’re too busy, and many of them just ignore me. Am I disappointed? Yes. I’m always a little disappointed and sometimes, very disappointed. The rejection or lack of response reminds me that there are a lot of people out there who don’t care enough about me and that’s okay. Getting the “no’s” doesn’t detract from those who did say “yes.”.

Empathy: Getting “no” actually can strengthen our ability to empathize with others, who get rejected. For example, I’ve been rejected for jobs I really wanted that I interviewed for, so I can understand and empathize with others who have gotten job rejections. If we’re getting a lot of people saying yes to our asks, one possible reason is because we hold positional power that we might not even recognize. If we have been thinking people don’t say “no” because we’re exceedingly charming or persuasive, it could be because they feel they can’t say no and we may even need to check our ego (see Ego Check). At work, this might happen if we’re in a leadership role. Among our friends, it could be because we have higher social status. In our family, we may have a position of authority or others have financial dependence on us. If we don’t get “no’s” ourselves, we will lose our ability to empathize with those we decline or with those who get rejected. 

Push our boundaries– Getting no’s expands our opportunities to learn and push beyond our comfort zone. When I’m selling services for my company, CuriosityBased, I remind myself if I’m not hearing that many no’s, then I’m probably not making enough asks. Hearing “no” tells me I’m out there, asking from people who I don’t know if they will say yes. For example, I could ask 10 people and 8 say yes. If I were to ask 20 people and 10 people said yes, I’ve just pushed my boundaries and I can work on learning from the 10 no’s instead of just the 2 no’s. A high “yes” rate may mean we’re limiting ourselves to those we think will say “yes” to us, which inherently increases our chance of getting a “yes.” 

Reinforce your own boundaries– Getting a “no” helps me understand what I’m not willing to do to get someone to say “yes”. It reminds me that I can set my own boundaries too. When someone says no because they don’t agree with me, it pushes me to ask myself, “Is there a need for me to change so I can get them to say yes? What would I be losing if I tried to accommodate them?” In answering these questions, I might realize their “no” means we weren’t a good fit. This recently happened to me when a prospective client said they were “too advanced” and CuriosityBased workshops weren’t helpful to those who were “further along in their equity journey.” They’re spot on. Their “no” reflected how they wanted training workshops, which takes participants through a linear progression of different levels of mastery. CuriosityBased designs experiences to enable people to have vulnerable conversations so they can learn from one another instead of from a single instructor. People have taken the same CuriosityBased workshop over and over again with different people and still learn something new each time. The idea that people can be “being further along” conflicts with my philosophy on learning. (You can read more here). Understanding this potential client’s “no” reminds me it’s okay not to compromise or change myself to get to a yes. 

If you realize you seldom get turned down, ask yourself why. Is it because you’re actually not making that many requests? And what would happen if you asked more often, even if it means increasing the risk people will say no.

Try asking those who you’re not sure will say yes to you. See if it changes how you feel about getting your ask rejected by them. 

Watch the Video

5 Common Mistakes When Asking for Help

Have you been asking for help and yet you can’t figure out why people don’t say yes to you? I wrote earlier about the SMART method and asking for help. If you’re getting no’s all the time though, it might be because you’re making some mistakes in asking for help.

I’ve identified five common mistakes people make when they think they’re asking for help:

  1. Not asking and just hoping someone will offer 

That’s right. The biggest mistake you can make when asking for help is you’re not actually asking. You’re just talking about how you need help and you hope someone will offer you help. You may even feel like you’re asking by talking about how you need help. Unless you actually make an ask for something that ends with a question mark, then you’re not really asking for help. If you don’t ask, explicitly, then the person that you think you’re asking might not realize that you are actually asking. They might not want to presume that you’re asking and that you might actually even be insulted if they offer, so they don’t. Then there are some people who think it’s really important that whoever needs help actually ask for it. Unless you actually know someone well, it’s unlikely that they will just offer help. I remember talking to this political candidate who was telling me her life story and all the reasons why she ran and how she needs money to run her campaign and then there was this really long pause, and then I said, “are you asking me to help you with your campaign?” And then she said, “yes, yes I am.” I actually had to prompt someone who is bringing a political campaign to make an ask. You may appear like you’re lacking a lot of confidence or even being embarrassed in your ask if you don’t actually ask.

  1. Being vague about what you need 

This means not being specific about what you need. It can be hard to say yes to something, if you don’t know what you’re getting into. That’s why it’s important to be specific about what you need, so that other people can envision being able to help you or not. But what I really like about the SMART method developed by Wayne Baker is that it’s very specific and detailed in how to make an ask. A big request can make the other person feel like they’re not really knowing what they’re getting themselves into if they say yes and they might not care enough to ask you follow-up questions, causing you to lose your opportunity because you were vague. When you are specific in your request, it shows that you have thought it through. If you’re vague in your request, it could signal that the request is casual and you have not thought it through.

  1. Not sharing why you need help 

If you’re asking for help, you have to be prepared to share why you need that help. You have to convey a sense of genuine need. If you don’t share, you can come off as though you’re hiding something, or as though you don’t trust the person, which is really bad if you’re actually asking them for something. So imagine saying “I need a job because I just got laid off. Could you help me with my job search for a tech role?” or “ my car broke down and I can’t afford to take an Uber. Would you be willing to take me to the airport?” That could be why you need the help. They don’t have to guess, and if you leave them to guess, they might think it’s something much more negative than it is.

  1. Trying to make the ask into a transaction

This is when someone says, if you do this for me, I will do this for you. There’s good intent here. I understand that it could be hard to ask for help without offering something in return. The fact is, what you’re offering in return is a “thank you” and actually making use of whatever you’re asking for help with. When you try to offer something for something, it can make the request feel really transactional. The person on the giving end doesn’t want to feel like they’re only saying yes, because you offer them something. For example, if you say, can you help me with my job search? I’ll buy you dinner if you do.” Chances are the person would’ve helped even without the dinner and now because you said it, they might look like they are interested in the dinner instead of just hoping for altruistic reasons. People want to feel altruistic. Help them by tapping into their generous spirit, not their desire to get something in return.

  1. Asking someone when you haven’t been in contact and not acknowledging that 

Sometimes you need some help from someone you haven’t been in contact with for a while. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t ask for help, especially if you thought you had enough of a relationship that you could ask. What’s important though is that you acknowledge that you haven’t talked to them in a while. Maybe look up when was the last time you talked to them and comment on some things that they use on their social media or some other platform that shows that you’ve also been keeping track of their activities. The point of this is not to pretend that no time has passed. You don’t wanna look like you’re just coming in for a favor and then you feel entitled to their help because you knew each other from before. 

Have you unconsciously been making any of these mistakes when you’ve asked for help? If so, stop it!  And also check out my blog post on asking for help in this SMART method.

Watch the Explainer Video

How to Ask for Help Using the SMART Method

Before you ask someone else for help, you have to get clear on what you’re asking for. No one can read your mind. 

My favorite way to ask for help is using the SMART  method, developed by Wayne Baker, a professor at the University of Michigan, from his book, All You Have to Do is Ask. I like it because it’s really clear and memorable. Just think about smart goals, and how popular that structure is. The smart goal is specific, measurable, actionable, realistic, and time bound. 

A SMART has a lot of similarities to a smart goal.

The SMART method stands for 

  • Specific
  • meaningful 
  • action-oriented 
  • realistic 
  • Time-bound

Specific means that you’re asking for something specific, not for something vague or they have to guess.

Meaningful means that it’s personally meaningful to you. If this person were to say, yes, it would have a positive impact on you.

Action oriented means that the person can take action on it, that there’s something they can do. Yeah that doesn’t have to be physical. The action could just be. I want you to spend five minutes thinking about this.

Realistic means that with something that the person can realistically do. You’re not asking them for something that is really out of their means. For example, maybe you think they can lend you $500 but it might be difficult for them to lend you $5000. So be realistic about your ask. This is a personal assessment of the situation on your part. It’s not a discrete element of the ask itself.

Time bound means that you’re asking for it to be done by a specific time. So you might ask for something, but you don’t say when. When you’re asking for something and you want it done now, you may think that people understand that you mean “now” but if you don’t say it, they may not think it’s that urgent. Of all the elements of a SMART ask, this is the one that I often forget.

You can use this in your personal and professional life. Here are some examples I’ve used:

Since we live in the same suburb, would you be willing to give me a ride to this Friday’s event in Seattle? It will be really difficult for me to attend if I can’t get a ride.

Would you be willing to make introductions to organizational leaders who might be interested in hiring CuriosityBased for team building services? I’m really working on growing my business. To make it easy for you, I could give you some introductory text.

Are you available and interested in speaking on this panel for Leadership Tomorrow, an organization that I volunteer with? It will take about one hour of prep and one hour of actually speaking on the panel.  It will take place on May 2 and I’d like to know by April 2 if you can do it.

So you can see that each of these asks have all of the elements of a SMART ask. 

Try this for yourself. Go out and ask for what you need, just check if it has all of the elements of a SMART ask. Asking someone for help can feel uncomfortable, and having this structure might make it easier for you, because you’re focusing on the elements of the ask and not the feelings of hesitation or discomfort around making the ask itself.

I’ve written a lot about the benefits of asking for help. You can read more here.

Watch the Explainer Video

6 Tips on How to Make the Most of Informational Interviews When You’re Looking For A Job

How to Make the Most of Informational Interviews

If you’re looking for a job, you might think the best strategy is to apply everywhere and talk to anyone who can help. However, in my experience, what I thought I wanted was not always what I truly wanted. Informational interviews helped me gain clarity.

What Is an Informational Interview?

An informational interview gives you insight into a job, company, or industry—and helps you get advice from someone already in that field. It’s a chance to make a strong impression on someone who might later connect you with others.

Importantly, an informational interview is not a job interview. Don’t treat it like one. If you do, you’ll likely feel disappointed. The goal is to learn, not to get hired immediately.

My Experience with Informational Interviews

I’ve done many informational interviews throughout my career. When I transitioned from working at my family’s newspaper to big tech, I spoke with five new people each week for eight weeks—forty interviews total.

These conversations helped me refine what kind of career I wanted. They also gave me new language to describe my skills. For example, someone might tell you that what you call a “coordinator” role is known as a “project manager” in their industry. Small insights like that help you talk about your goals more clearly and discover roles you didn’t even know existed.

Make a Positive Impression

An informational interview is also your chance to leave a good impression. Show that you’re smart, articulate, and curious. Ask thoughtful questions and listen closely.

If you come across as pushy or unprepared, people will hesitate to introduce you to others. But if you’re engaged and attentive, you’re more likely to expand your network naturally.

How to Get Informational Interviews

Start with your network. Reach out to friends, volunteers, mentors, and colleagues for introductions. Form a small group of accountability partners who can help you find connections.

I rarely do cold outreach, so I focus on referrals and warm introductions. If you want more strategies, check out my blog post on Six Tips to Get a Job You Love.

Tips for a Successful Informational Interview

1. Do Your Research

Before the conversation, spend a few minutes learning about the person. Review their LinkedIn profile, company website, or recent talks. Mention something specific—like “I watched your panel discussion on career growth”—so they know you came prepared.

Avoid basic questions such as “What do you do?” That shows you didn’t prepare and wastes valuable time. Doing your homework signals professionalism and helps you ask more meaningful questions.

2. Prepare Three Specific Questions

Some informational interviews last an hour, but others might be just 15 minutes. Prepare for the shorter version. Think of three focused questions that are relevant to your interviewee.

For example: “Since you’ve worked in corporate settings for years, what advice would you give to someone transitioning from nonprofit work?”

When I once asked a Director-level professional a question like that, he later referred me for a job. His recruiter note said, “She’s a precise, concise communicator and a clear thinker.” That’s the impression you want to make.

3. Ask for Referrals

If the conversation goes well, ask whether they can recommend anyone else you should talk to. They may not think of someone right away, so follow up later.

To make it easier, write an introductory blurb they can forward. Many people forget this step, but it’s crucial. If you’re not willing to write your own blurb, it’s harder for them to use their social capital to connect you.

4. Offer to Help Them

At the end of the interview, ask if there’s anything you can do to help them. Even small offers matter and show that you were listening.

For instance, if they mention their child plays in a youth symphony, you could share information about a music program. Or if they love a certain cuisine, you might offer restaurant recommendations.

I always appreciate when people ask this question—it shows generosity. Personally, I often suggest they subscribe to the CuriosityBased newsletter or follow our social channels.

5. Follow Up with a Thank-You Email

Always send a thank-you email after your interview. Reference something they said to show you listened. If you forget, don’t worry—it’s never too late. A quick note such as, “I’ve been meaning to thank you for our conversation last month” still makes a great impression.

6. Keep Them Updated

If they introduce you to someone, follow up to let them know how it went. A short message like, “Thank you again for the introduction. We spoke last week, and it was a great conversation,” helps strengthen the relationship.

And when you eventually land a job—even if it’s in a different field—send an update. People appreciate knowing their effort made a difference.

Final Thoughts

Informational interviews are one of the most effective ways to explore careers and build meaningful professional relationships. When you approach them with curiosity, preparation, and gratitude, they can open doors you didn’t even know existed.

I hope you’ve had these tips helpful. If you did, please share on social media and with your friends. 

Watch Informational Interview Tips

6 Tips on How to Get a Job You Love

Since the layoffs started last fall, I know a lot of talented people looking for work.

I empathize. I’ve been laid off twice, in 2012 and 2014. Before that, I had to prove I could work in the corporate world when my work experience was limited to academia and working at my family’s newspaper. In 2011, I met Paul Anderson, the founder of Prolango, a career search firm. I invested in the Prolango job search boot camp and followed the Prolango method, which emphasizes intense networking, and I landed my first 6-figure salary job two months later. 

I don’t think applying to jobs through online portals works. I did that for six months and only got a few invitations for candidate screens that went nowhere, despite my Cambridge PhD and my experience working at two established tech companies. The last time I got a job outside my network was as a research assistant in college. That’s why I can empathize with those trying to switch their careers, get a new job after a layoff, get their first job out of college or grad school, or find a job that will sponsor their visa to stay in the US.

Over time, I developed some of my own job search tips honed from my own experience, in addition to Prolango’s.

1) Outreach to people you know first.

You have to be willing to check in and ask your existing network to help you expand your network. The way I like to do this is by creating a newsletter, that is, an update email about what’s happening in your life. Some people will create a PDF and email this out. I actually like to write a text email with various links that people can click OK if they’re interested in learning more. This update email should include personal and professional updates about you, like “I just graduated from school and I’m looking to do this” or “I just left my job” along with details like, “this is where I’m living now, this is how my family is doing and this is how I’m doing healthwise”. You have to be willing to share enough personal details so that the email feels personal. I like to include both highs and lows. 

I recommend sending this email through your email provider using a mail merge app. If you’re on Outlook, you can use the built-in mailmerge app. I’m a huge fan of yet another mail merge, which is a plug-in for Gmail. It’s free for up to a certain number of emails to send out every day. A merge field is that personalized part of an email, like a person’s name. I always have a personal note merge field in the opening paragraph. When I think about who I should email, my rule of thumb is that I need to be able to write about something personal in their life. It could refer to the last conversation we had or to something I saw on their social media. I need to be able to say something like, “How is your daughter? Last time we talked, she was graduating from high school.” If I can’t think of something personal to write, I won’t write. Including a personalized line does take a lot more effort, and I also think it’s a lot more effective.

2) Volunteer as a way to network, learn, and get endorsed.

I’ve made some major career pivot in my life, going from academia to working at my family’s newspaper to working in tech as a digital marketer, and then as a nonprofit executive, and now as an entrepreneur. My academic background is as a historian, which is very specialized and not directly relevant to what I do today. I made up for this by volunteering so that I could gain new skills by doing, and also to expand, see what might not work. I volunteered to head marketing for the local chapter of the National Association of Asian American Professionals (NAAAP), even though I had just joined social media a few months prior and I had never blogged before. I joined a lot of other committees and boards of small nonprofit, so that I could have a platform to learn by doing. The great thing about volunteering is that unless you do something illegal, they’re not really going to fire you. I learned so much about selling when I served on a committee for a concert at Seattle Symphony, and the other volunteers, who are much more senior in their career, mentored, and coached me on how to sell. 

The other benefit of this is that by doing a good job as a volunteer, you have people who can endorse you later on, and who are willing to introduce you to people. So, even though I had no formal marketing experience, I learned enough where I was able to lead this Seattle chapter to place number #1 in the country in marketing at the national NAAAP convention. And I cited that experience as proof of my ability to learn on the job.

3) Do a lot of informational interviews.

An informational interview is a conversation where you learn about someone’s specific job, industry, and expertise, and it also gives them an opportunity to learn about you. It’s not intended to lend you a job, though it may. You’re really just getting background information. My friend, Paul Anderson, the founder of Prolango consulting, which helps people find their dream jobs, gave me this formula for how many informational interviews: He said if you wanna get a job in three months, you reconnect with five people a week you know. If you want to get a job in two months, you have five informational interviews per week with people you don’t know. And if you want to get a job in one month, you talk to 10 new people each week. I did the two month version, and I consistently had five informational interviews per week and I was able to land my first six-figure salary job at a major tech company, after working 60 hr a week for my parents for about $1,500 a month plus free rent. As you meet people, always in the conversation, asking if they think that there is someone else that they could introduce you to. The point of these conversations is not to get a job, the point is to increase your opportunities to make a good impression on someone who could introduce you to someone who could give you a job. I’m going to write a separate blog post and video about informational interviews, so subscribe to our YouTube channel to get alerts. 

4) Write short bios about you that are easily share-able.

As you meet people, make it really easy for them to introduce you to other people. I like to prepare a short, 4 to 6 sentence bio that is personalized with a specific ask. Create a generic boilerplate version, and then always personalize the last sentence of it. When people ask me to connect them with someone in my network, I always ask them to write this in third person so I can copy and paste it and it looks like I wrote it. The bio should be short and impressive. It’s more powerful if you can include a sentence about why you want to meet that particular person. 

Here’s an example: 

Kim Doe Is an experienced lawyer who has worked at (companies) for the past (number of years). She specializes in (various specialties). She has been recognized for (listening awards, recognitions). She is now Interested in pursuing a career in (new field). She would like to talk to you about (specific questions/topics Kim would ask)

Make it really easy for the person that is going to introduce you. Also, you get to emphasize  what you want to emphasize with, not have them guess. 

5) Find other job seekers as networking partners. 

Looking for a job can be very lonely and depressing. One of the key things that I learned with Prolango was to have a small group of accountability partners. Part of the Prolango job search Boot Camp was having to report every week how many people I reached out to, who I met with, how those meetings went, and what I learned. The mere fact that I knew I had to do made me more likely to do the work of reaching out to get the informational interviews. These accountability partners could be looking for similar jobs, or they could be looking for very different jobs. That’s up to you. As they are networking, they can be listening for opportunities for you, and you can be listening for opportunities for them. It’s just getting more people out there to be your eyes and ears. They can also commiserate with you when times get hard.

6) Write a proposal about why you’re right for the job.

In one informational interview, I talked to the CEO of a big company and asked him for advice. I will never forget his words. He said, “You’re very smart, and have an impressive background. And there are a lot of people who are very smart, and have impressive backgrounds. You have to tell me what value you are going to bring to my company.“ A lot of people want to help, but you have to be clear about how you’re going to help them. If there is a job or company that you really want to work for, then writing a proposal about the value you could bring would be a good exercise to help you think through what you would do with the company, and also to demonstrate to your potential future employer, your ability to think critically, and to communicate through writing. 

Ideally, you write the proposal after you’ve had a chance to talk to some people at the company so you can get a little more information for which you could base your proposal. In the proposals I’ve written, I like to include a list of reasons why I am perfectly suited for that company, why I am physically interested in it, a SWOT analysis of the company, and what my unique skills could do to address the challenges and needs of the company. Bonus: include a timeline of when you think you can do it by. 

If you’re already at the interview stage, you may also want to set salary expectations. My proposals have been 4 to 5 pages, which may sound long, but you’re actually giving extra evidence to people that’s why they should hire you. I’ve also been on the receiving end when someone voluntarily put together a proposal and it’s sealed the deal for me.

I hope that these job tips have been helpful. Even though I have my own company now and I’m not looking for a job, I still have a practice of sending out an update email every 12 to 18 months and I still volunteer so I can build new skills. Please leave comments below about which tips you found most valuable.

You can also watch short video versions of this blog post along with other job search tips on our YouTube channel. Please subscribe to get alerted when that video comes out.

Watch Job Search Tips

Prolango’s founder, Paul Anderson, still offers career coaching. You can reach out to him on LinkedIn. 

Being “trained” isn’t necessarily “learning”

We assume that “training” and “learning” are the same, when they are not. Learn how they are different and which one is a better fit for your needs.

If you can’t explain the difference between training and learning, you aren’t alone. You likely use these words interchangeably, as I have, or know there is a difference, but you might struggle to explain what that difference might be. I looked up the definitions:

“Training” is about transmitting knowledge or information, while “learning” is about the process of absorbing information to build skills that can be used in a variety of contexts. 

With “training,” you’ll get information. For a lot of people, getting information is enough, especially if you already know how to apply knowledge. “Learning” is equivalent to building critical thinking skills. A lot of people assume they’re the same when they’re not. You may also think of the difference between the two as “training” being “passive learning,” while “learning” is “active learning.”

Training Versus Learning

Employers say they want “training” for their teams. That might be because we often describe anything educational in the professional setting as “training.”

While I outline these two categories below, I understand that there are many professional development offerings that fall in between the two poles. There are many classes that provide training with strong learning elements to practice what is being taught.

I’m a big advocate for “learning” experiences over “training.” The difference can be summed up with this comment we heard from a participant in a learning experience I held on listening effectively. She said, “I’ve been to a lot of trainings about how to listen, where we just sat there, listening to the instructor tell us how to listen better. This is the first time I’ve spent practicing listening in a training about listening.”

Professional development is dominated by training to the point that if people don’t get a massive list of new vocabulary and worksheets, they don’t think they are learning anything new or valuable. 

When I take people through a learning experience, I use the Socratic method, and I ask lots of questions to stimulate critical thinking and invite people to draw out their own learning. I’ve had people leave learning experiences I’ve led saying, “I now have more questions than answers.” That can be incredibly frustrating for some people, and eye opening and empowering for others.

At the end of a training session, If you asked the participants what they learned, the answers should be fairly consistent And they came to be tested on their knowledge. With the learning experience, I ask people to describe a take away. I’m always surprised by how people have different takeaways and I as a facilitator and content creator get to learn something as well. One person described this closing reflection as “naming our own meaning.”

Choosing What’s Right For You

There are times when training is the more appropriate choice and other times when learning is what is needed. These questions are designed to help you determine what you need to give to your team, especially while many of us are working remotely.

  1. Do you need to deliver the same content to as many people as possible at one time or can you have multiple sessions with smaller groups of people?
  2. Do you prefer people to something in a particular way or are you open to different ways of achieving the same/similar results?
  3. Do you have deep trust across your different departments or are you looking to build more trust across silos?
  4. Are your employees asking you for more content to help them do their work better or for more connection with each other?
  5. Is your team or company made up of individual contributors or collaborators?
  6. Do you want your team to have a shared language or a shared culture?
  7. Are you prioritizing serving external clients or internal clients?
  8. Are your team members more interested in listening passively or engaging actively?

If you mostly chose the first choice, then training is probably a better option for you. If your answers fell primarily toward the second choice, then you should explore learning experiences. 

Prior to the pandemic, when we could be in person with one another, a good training was an efficient way to transmit substantial amounts of content. We took for granted the connection that came from being physically present together. Now, as we work remotely, taking the time to slow down and learn from and alongside one another allows colleagues to connect meaningfully. Before you default to training, explore what learning experiences could do for your team.

This post was based on “Being “trained” isn’t necessarily “learning”, which was originally posted on Dec. 14, 2020.

Check out the video explainer

What I learned in managing expectations with others and with myself

Feb 1, 2022 to Jan. 21, 2023 marked the Year of the Tiger. This is a display at Wing Luke Museum. 

In my second year as an entrepreneur, I learned a lot about how to manage expectations with others and especially managing my own expectations of myself. 

Managing expectation is a never ending exercise in clearly articulating our needs, wants, and hopes. It requires activating all three elements of practicing curiosity: self- awareness, relationship building, and communication.

Here’s what I learned to help me navigate the dynamics of managing expectations that I’ve applied to both my personal and professional life.

  1. Don’t expect people to change, yet believe them if they do change

Changing behavior is difficult for those who want to change, and impossible for those who don’t want to change. I’ve learned not to expect people to change. At the same time, people can change and I have to let go of grudges and old expectations to believe that they have changed. This has been especially true in my personal life. I’ve seen my mom change after my dad passed, in positive ways I didn’t expect. Just as I want others to see that I am capable of change, I have to be willing to believe others can change too, even if I shouldn’t expect it.

  1. Explicitly describe what people can expect from me

I have to constantly remind myself that people can’t read my mind and I have to be more explicit. In regards to their own expectations, some people think in terms of what they will gain and benefit. For my clients, I describe what they will get with specific examples. For my team, I try to anticipate their questions and concerns. This is especially important now as people worry about layoffs. For my friends, I let them know what kind of support I can provide. 

  1. Explicitly describe what people shouldn’t expect from me

Other people think in terms of what they might lose or won’t get, so I also list what I won’t be doing and what they will not get, so that I can manage their expectations. For example, I often tell people my 7 Forms of Respect framework will NOT teach them how to be respectful, that it’s not like 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. For my team, I’ve made it clear that until we become consistently profitable, I can’t increase hours or provide more benefits. For my friends, I let them know when I can’t provide support in the ways they asked of me.

  1. Accept that people will have expectations of me I can’t fulfill

It’s natural for people to make assumptions about me that lead to certain expectations. I have found that people often think because I’m a woman of color in leadership development, my work will focus on diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) when it doesn’t. I don’t get upset by this expectation; I just explain that I’m not a DEI expert.

  1. Name incorrect expectations 

Painful learning experiences made me learn how to name incorrect expectations before I reset their expectations. For example, I now sometimes start workshops with, “You may think this is racial justice training and it’s not. This is what we’ll be doing instead and why.” 

  1. Ask people to manage my expectations by managing theirs 

In being clear that expenses outpaced revenue this past year, I tell my team that I understand they have to consider their individual financial needs because I don’t know when I can provide higher salaries. I just ask them to keep me updated if they do search for work elsewhere. When a team member left for a great career opportunity, I was not surprised. My expectations were managed. 

  1. Differentiate between expectations and hope

Entrepreneurship requires optimism. I was wildly overly optimistic in my revenue projections coming into my second year. I realized expectations should be based on my previous experiences to believe what is realistic and possible, not from strangers’ success stories I read on the Internet!  

  1. Don’t compare myself to others in creating expectations for myself

This is a hard one to admit that I do. I constantly have to remind myself not to compare. I have

close friends who are also authors of wildly successful books. As a self-published author without a long track record of prestigious publications or public speaking, I can’t apply the same expectations for success to myself. If I only look at those who I think have more, I will always feel I don’t have enough. So, I can’t compare.

  1. Continue to do things I love even if they don’t meet my expectations 

There are so many things I love doing, such as writing essays like this, that don’t meet my expectations of desired outcomes. I often remind myself that I don’t write because I expect a lot of views; I write to have an impact, even if that impact is limited to a few readers. Think about what things you love to do and that you would do no matter what, even if they don’t live up to your expectations. This lesson is also connected to the one on differentiating between expectations and hope (see lesson #7).

  1. Lower my expectations to “good enough” so I can experiment faster

I sometimes slip into perfectionist standards. This past year, I pushed myself to create content with less and sometimes no outside editing before I post. I’ve been surprised by how my raw content can resonate with people, like my 2021 reflections on managing my energy instead of my time or my Instagram reel that went viral when I made fun of myself. This lesson is one I will lean into even more in 2023.

I’ve learned to accept that managing expectations is an iterative process in which I have to be asking questions and listening carefully to both others and to myself. 

Listen to this essay on Substack.

2022 American Indian and Alaskan Native Authored Leadership Books

2022-American-Indian-Alaskan-Native-Authored-Books-V2Download

We created this list to promote leadership narratives written by people of American Indian and Alaskan Native Heritage. This list is meant to be a resource, not an official endorsement. The books are not ranked or listed in any particular order.

  1. Recovering the Sacred: The power of naming and claiming by Winona LaDuke
  2. Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous wisdom, scientific knowledge, and the teachings of plants by Robin Wall Kimmerer
  3. The Tao of Raven: An Alaska Native Memoir by Ernestine Hayes
  4. Black Indian: A memoir by Shonda Buchanan
  5. Custer Died for Your Sins: An Indian manifesto by Vine deLoria Jr. 
  6. Where White Men Fear to Tread: The Autobiography of Russell Means by Russell Means and Marvin J. Means
  7. Prison Writings: My life is my Sun Dance by Leonard Peltier
  8. The School Days of an Indian Girl, and an Indian Teacher Among Indians by Zitkala-Sa
  9. The Man Made of Words: Essays, stories, passages by N. Scott Momaday
  10. Muscogee Daughter: My Sojourn to the Miss America Pageant by Susan Supernaw 
  11. Life of Black Hawk, or Ma-ka-tai-me-she-kia-kiak: Dictated by himself by Black Hawk
  12. Our History Is the Future: Standing Rock Versus the Dakota Access Pipeline, and the Long Tradition of Indigenous Resistance by Nick Estes
  13. Everything You Know About Indians is Wrong by Paul Chatt Smith
  14. Code Talker: The first and only memoir of the original Navajo Code Talkers of WWII by Chester Nez
  15. Abandon Me: Memoirs by Melissa Febos
  16. Heart Berries by Terese Marie Mailhot
  17. As Long As Grass Grows: The Indigenous Fight for Environmental Justice, from Colonization to Standing Rock by Dina Gilio-Whitaker
  18. Crazy Brave: A Memoir by Joy Harjo
  19. Gathering Moss: A Natural and Cultural History of Mosses by Robin Wall Kimmerer
  20. God is Red: A Native View of Religion by Vine deLoria Jr. 
  21. The Heartbeat of Wounded Knee by David Treuer
  22. The Inconvenient Indian: A Curious Account of Native People in North America by Thomas King
  23. Lakota Woman by Mary Brave Bird
  24. #Not Your Princess: Voices of Native American Women by Lisa Charleyboy and Mary Beth Leatherdale (editors)
  25. The Turquoise Ledge by Leslie Silko
  26. Men We Reaped: A Memoir by Jesmyn Ward 
  27. Dwellings: A Spiritual History of the Living World by Linda Hogan
  28. Bad Indians: a Tribal Memoir by Deborah Miranda 
  29. Night Flying Woman: An Ojibway Narrative by Ignatia Broker
  30. Dog Flowers: A Memoir by Danielle Geller
  31. Portage Lake: Memories of an Ojibwe Childhood by Maude Kegg
  32. Everything You Wanted to Know about Indians But Were Afraid to Ask by Anton Treuer
  33. The Assassination of Hole in the Day by Anton Treuer
  34. As We Have Always Done: Indigenous Freedom Through Radical Resistance by Leanne Betasamosake Simpson
  35. Nooping: The Cure for White Ladies by Leanne Betasamosake Simpson
  36. The People and the Word: Reading Native Nonfiction by Robert Warrior
  37. Tribal Secrets: Recovering American Indian Intellectual Traditions by Robert Warrior
  38. Like a Loaded Weapon by Robert A. Williams Jr. 
  39. Bear Island: The War at Sugar Point by Gerald Vizenor
  40. The Third Space of Sovereignty by Kevin Bruyneel
  41. Navajo Courts and Navajo Common Law: A Tradition of Tribal Self-Governance by Raymond D. Austin
  42. Firsting and Lasting: Writing Indians out of Existence in New England by Jean O’Brien
  43. X-Marks by Scott Richard Lyons
  44. Red Skin, White Masks: Rejecting the Colonial Politics of Recognition by Glen Sean Coulthard
  45. The Queerness of Native American Literature by Lisa Tatonetti
  46. Speaking of Indigenous Politics: Conversations with Activists, Scholars, and Tribal Leaders by J. Kehaulani Kauanui and Robert Warrior
  47. Standing with Standing Rock: Voices from the #NoDAPL Movement by Nick Estes and Jaskiran Dhillon
  48. Hungry Listening: Resonant Theory for Indigenous Sound Studies by Dylan Robinson
  49. Written by the Body: Gender Expansiveness and Indigenous Non-Cis Masculinities by Lisa Tatonetti
  50. You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me by Sherman Alexie
  51. Remembering Our Intimacies: Mo’olelo, Aloha ‘Aina, and Ea by Jamaica Heolimeleikalani Osario
  52. Red Nation Rising: From Bordertown Violence to Native Liberation by Nick Estes, Melanie K. Yazzi, Jennifer Nez Denetdale, and David Correia
  53. Wiping the War Paint off the Lens: Native American Film and Video by Beverly Singer
  54. The People Shall Continue by Simon Ortiz
  55. Poet Warrior: A Memoir by Joy Harjo
  56. The Four Hills of Life: Ojibwe Wisdom by Thomas Peacock and Marlene Wisuri
  57. The Sacred Hoop: Recovering the Feminine in American Indian Traditions by Paula Gunn Allen
  58. Critically Sovereign: Indigenous Gender, Sexuality, and Feminist Studies by Joanne Barker
  59. For Indigenous Eyes Only: A Decolonization Handbook by Waziyatawin and Michael Yellow Bird
  60. Mark My Words: Native Women Mapping Our Nations by Mishuana Goeman
  61. The Beginning and End of Race: Confronting Sexual Violence in Native America by Sarah Deer
  62. When My Brother Was an Aztec by Natalie Diaz
  63. A History of my Brief Body by Billy-Ray Belcourt
  64. Starvation Mode by Elissa Washuta
  65. The Roots of Ticasuk by Ticasuk (Emily Ivanoff Brown)
  66. Native American DNA by Kim TallBear
  67. Fresh Banana Leaves: Healing Indigenous Landscapes Through Indigenous Science by Jessica Hernandez, PhD
  68.  Pollution is Colonialism by Max Libioron
  69. Making Love with the Land by Joshua Whitehead
  70. Nulato: An Indian Life on the Yukon by Poldine Carlo
  71. Cold River Spirits: Whispers from a Family’s Forgotten Past by Jan Harper-Haines
  72. Two Old Women: An Alaska Legend of Betrayal, Courage and Survival by Velma Wallis 
  73. Bad Girl and the Man who Followed the Sun by Velma Wallis
  74. Raising Ourselves: A Gwitch’in Coming of Age Story from the Yukon River by Velma Wallis
  75. We Have Not Stopped Trembling Yet: Letters to my Filipino-Athabascan Family by E.J.R David 
  76. Qulirat Qanemcit-Ilu Kinguvarcimalriit: Stories for Future Generations by Paul John 
  77. Yuuyaraq: The Way of the Human Being by Harold Napoleon
  78. A Yupiaq Worldview: A Pathway to Ecology and Spirit by Anagyuqaq Kawagley
  79. Qanruyuteput IInruugut: Our Teachings Are Medicine by Alice Rearden
  80. Yupiit Qanruyutait: Yup’ik Words of Wisdom by Ann Fienup-Riordan
  81. Rock Piles Along the Eddy by Ishmael Hope
  82. Blonde Indian: An Alaska Native Memoir by Ernestine Hayes 
  83. Indian Stories: Ahtna India Stories from Cantwell, Alaska by Jake Tansy
  84. Cormorant Hunter’s Wife by Joan Naviyuk Kane
  85. Roughly for the North by Carrie Ayagduk Ojanen
  86. People of Kauwerak: Legends of the Northern Eskimo by William A. Oquilluk
  87. Takes of Ticasuk: Eskimo Legends and Stories by Ticasuk Emily Ivanoff Brown
  88. Fifty Miles from Tomorrow: A Memoir of Alaska and the Real People by William Iggiagruk Hensley
  89. Sand Talk: How Indigenous Thinking Can Save the World by Tyson Yunkaporta
  90. Red Paint: The Ancestral Autobiography of a Coast Salish Punk by Sasha Lapointe
  91. Black and Blue: A Memoir of Racism and Resilience by Veronica Gorrie
  92. Spílexm: A Weaving of Recovery, Resilience, and Resurgence by Nicola I. Campbell 
  93. Peyakow: Reclaiming Cree Dignity by Darrel McLeod
  94. White Magic Elissa Washuta 
  95. An Indian Among Los Indígenas: A Native Travel Memoir by Ursula Pike 
  96. Carry: A Memoir of Survival on Stolen Land by Toni Jensen
  97. A Mind Spread Out on the Ground by Alicia Elliott

Practice curiosity by reframing our expectations

“Picture Frames at Photo LA” by ricardodiaz11 is licensed under CC BY 2.0. To view a copy of this license, visit https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/?ref=openverse.

Changing my expectations of myself and of others is easy and hard at the same time. It’s easy because it doesn’t require any physical change or financial investment. Yet it is hard because it demands that I challenge my own beliefs.

I’ve developed a list of what I call “reframes,” that can help to spark our thinking and re-frame our expectations. A popular reframe is changing a thought from “I have to…” to “I get to…” 

Instead of seeing a task like picking up your kids from school as a burden that “you have to do,” you might think of it as an opportunity that “you get to do.” It is a way to shift our perspective, especially when we feel stuck.

We often think of things as “a glass half empty” or as “a glass half full” situations. The classic framing of an optimist would consider the glass half full.

While I’m an unapologetically optimistic person, I don’t use reframing to trick myself into thinking positively. Instead, I reframe to explore different possible interpretations for any given situation, while also acknowledging that how I feel in any given moment will be influenced by external factors beyond my control.

The glass can be half empty and half full simultaneously. There is no particular “right” interpretation, just different.

All of these reframes I offer are opportunities to practice curiosity and to ask ourselves, is there another way to understand this situation, to examine our own expectations?

Reframing reminds us of all the different, contradictory feelings and thoughts we can hold at the same time.

I’ve loosely categorized these reframes into three buckets that align with how we at CuriosityBased describe the three elements of practicing curiosity:

1) increasing self-awareness (getting curious about myself)

2) building relationships (getting curious about other people and let them get curious about me)

3) communicating clearly (listening and asking questions with curiosity)

Each reframe is a set of two to three different interpretations of the same thing, usually stated as questions, as written below.  Here they are:

Increase self-awareness (Get curious about myself)

  1. What should matter to me?/What does matter to me?
  2. What does success look like to me?/ What does success feel like to me?
  3. Am I not being heard?/ Am I not getting what I want?
  4. Am I Managing my energy /Am I managing my time?
  5. Is this a problem to solve?/Is this problem teaching me something?
  6. Is someone judging me/Am I judging myself?
  7. What will I achieve?/What will I learn?
  8. Am I feeling pain?/Am I feeling change?
  9. Do I own my possessions?/Do my possessions own me?
  10. Am I the victim?/Am I the persecutor?
  11. They made me feel bad/I made myself feel bad
  12. What should do in this situation?/What could do in this situation?/What would I do in this situation?

Building relationships (get curious about other people and let them get curious about me)

  1. Is someone judging me?/Am I judging someone?
  2. Am I waiting for an invitation?/Should I extend an invitation?
  3. Are they asking me for something?/Are they offering me something?
  4. Was I wrong?/Was I in the wrong?
  5. Do I feel superior to…?/Do I feel inferior to…?
  6. Does their behavior reflect disrespect?/ Does their behavior reflect a lack of respect?
  7. Am I anti-(fill in the blank)? Am I pro-(fill in the blank)
  8. Am I Code switching? Am I strategically adapting?
  9. You make me whole/I am already whole
  10. Was their intention good?/ Was their intention bad?/ What was their intention?
  11. Is someone making assumptions about me?/ Am I making an assumption about them?

Communicate clearly (listening and asking questions with curiosity)

  1. Do we have different perspectives?/ Do we have different approaches?
  2. Do we have different values?/ Do we have different priorities?
  3. What should we do?/ What could we do? What would we do? 
  4. Are we thinking of the present in this situation? Are we thinking of the future in this situation? Are we thinking of the past in this situation?
  5. Are we talking about a need?/ Are we talking about a want?
  6. What does success look like to us? What does success feel like to us?

Which of these reframes resonate with you? Do you have some reframes you’d like to share?

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This was originally published in Dr. Julie Pham’s Substack on Oct. 5, 2022 as “Practice curiosity by reframing our expectations

Simple, inexpensive vacation tips to help you rest and reconnect

When I decided to leave my executive job a few years ago, I had to make a lot of personal budget cuts so I could self-fund my company.

These constraints forced me to be more creative and scrappy. “Vacations” used to mean trips far from here. I would use this time to travel to Vietnam, Burma, England, the East Coast, the mid-West or at least California. I now “vacation” by reconnecting with friends who live 10, 20, at most 40 miles away. 

Through these trips, I’ve deepened my appreciation for the natural beauty of local parks and waterfronts, as well as for the familiarity of long-time friendships. 

I’ve put together a list of easy, low-cost hyperlocal travel tips, including guest-room hopping (i.e., upscale couch surfing). I hope they help you both rest and reconnect with yourself and with your friends.

  1. Don’t over schedule/overbook
    My natural impulse is to try to do and see as many things with as many people as possible. I constantly have to remind myself that running to meet back-to-back visits is stressful. Also, leaving open space on my schedule allows for spontaneous activities. Recently, I went on a walk with a friend and then she asked me if I was available for dinner that night. And I was free! 
  2. Housesit for friends
    I recently house sat for a friend in her charming Columbia City home. It was a great way to change scenery for me, and I used it as an opportunity to visit with many of my friends in the area. She thought I was doing her a favor by watering her plants on a daily basis but I really felt like she was doing me the favor.
  3. Invite yourself over for a meal or coffee
    I contact friends who live in the area where I’ll be vacationing and I invite myself over. People often thank me for initiating and breaking us out of the cycle of saying, “we should get together sometime.” For more, read my essay on “Being a bit rude can deepen relationships.”
  4. Local sleepovers and guest room surfing
    My friend and website designer, Stacy Nguyen, and I have an annual summertime tradition of me coming over for a sleepover at her place in Lynnwood. I have since added more cities on this “Northern tour” of Washington by visiting friends in Edmonds and Marysville. I also do a 5-day long West Seattle trip so I can easily visit my friends out there. Fortunately, many of my friends have guest rooms, so I don’t have to couch surf. Bonus: Sleepovers allow for late night conversations. 
  5. Take walks
    I often suggest going for walks at local parks with friends whose neighborhood I’m visiting. It’s a free and healthy alternative to Happy Hour. I just discovered how delightful the illustrated Seattle Walk Report guides are. 

My hyperlocal vacations usually involve me asking for friends to pick me up or drop me off at the bus stop or at another friends’ place, to plan a meal, to host me. These are not just people I’m visiting, they are helping make my vacation possible.

Let me know which tips you found helpful! And please share with me your own tips.

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I originally posted this essay on Substack on Aug 22, 2022. You can also listen to me reading it. Please subscribe to my Substack newsletter.

2022 Authors with Disability Leadership Booklist

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We created this list to promote leadership narratives written by authors with disabilities. This list is meant to be a resource, not an official endorsement. The books are not ranked or listed in any particular order.

  1. Disarm Your Limits: The flight formula to lift you to success and propel you to the next horizon by Jessica Cox
  2. The White Album by Joan Didion
  3. Chef Interrupted by Trevis Gleason 
  4. Fall Down, Laughing: How Squiggy caught multiple sclerosis and didn’t tell nobody by David Lander
  5. Speedbumps: Flooring it through Hollywood by Teri Garr
  6. And Now We Are Going to Have a Party: Liner Notes to a Writer’s Early Life by Nicola Griffith
  7. To Know As We Are Known: Education as Spiritual Journey by Parker Palmer
  8. The World I Live In by Helen Keller
  9. Don’t Worry, He Won’t Get Far on Foot  by John Callahan
  10. Haben: The Deafblind Woman who Conquered Harvard Law by Haben Girma
  11. Exile and Pride: Disability, Queerness, and Liberation by Eli Clare
  12. Wishful Drinking by Carrie Fisher
  13. House of Prayer No. 2 by Mark Richard
  14. Resistance and Hope: Essays by Disabled People edited by Alice Wong
  15. Marbles: Mania, Depression Michelangelo, and Me by Ellen Forney
  16. Strangers Assume My Girlfriend Is My Nurse by Shane Burcaw
  17. I Am Schizophrenic: Poetry from a Beautiful Brain by Kerenza Ryan
  18. Apocalyptic Best Practices: A Unique approach to fear and change by Elisebeth VanderWeil
  19. You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me by Sherman Alexie
  20. Being Huemann: An Unrepentant Memoir of a Disability Rights Activist by Judith E. Heumann
  21. The Pretty One: On life, pop culture, disability, and other reasons to fall in love with me by Keah Brown
  22. Sitting Pretty: The View from My Ordinary Resilient Diabled Body by Rebekah Taussig
  23. Disability Visibility: First-Person Stories from the Twenty-First Century by Alice Wong
  24. Nothing About Us Without Us: Disability Oppression and Empowerment by James I. Charlton
  25. I Am Not a Label by Cerrie Burnell
  26. Limitless: The Power of Hope and Resilience to Overcome Circumstances by Mallory Weggemann
  27. Care Work: Dreaming Disability Justice by Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha
  28. Life in the Mind Interrupted: Essays on Mental Health and Disability in Higher Education by Katie Rose Guest Pryal
  29. Rolling Warrior: The Incredible, Sometimes Awkward, True Story of a Rebel Girl on Wheels Who Helped Spark a Revolution by Judith Heumann
  30. The Disability Experience: Working Toward Belonging by Hannalora Leavitt
  31. When the Chant Comes by Kay Ulanday Barrett
  32. The Story of My Life by Helen Keller
  33. Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger’s by John Elder Robison
  34. Be Different by John Elder Robison
  35. Switched On: A Memoir of Brain Change and Emotional Awakening by John Elder Robison
  36. Moving Violations: Warzones, Wheelchairs, and Declarations of Independence  by John Hockenberry
  37. Disfigured: On Fairy Tales, Disability and Making Space by Amanda Leduc
  38. Thinking in Pictures: My Life with Autism by Temple Grandin
  39. Calling all Minds: How to Think and Create Like an Inventor by Temple Grandin
  40. The Way I See It: A Personal Look at Autism and Asperger’s by Temple Grandin
  41. Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships: Decoding social mysteries through autism’s unique perspectives by Temple Grandin
  42. Golem Girl by Riva Lehrer
  43. Find Another Dream by Maysoon Zayid
  44. Too Late to Die Young: Nearly True Tales from a Life by Harriet McBryde Johnson
  45. If at Birth You Don’t Succeed: My Adventures with Disaster and Destiny by Zach Anner
  46. Fading Scars: My Queer Disability History by Corbett O’Toole
  47. Extraordinary Bodies: Figuring Physical Disability in American Culture and Literature by Rosemarie Garland-Thomson
  48. Staring: How We Look by Rosemarie Garland-Thomson
  49. Elegy for a Disease: A Personal and Cultural History of Polio by Anne Finger
  50. Waist-High in the World: A Life Among the Nondisabled by Nancy Mairs
  51. In the Province of God by Kenny Fries
  52. The History of My Shoes and the Evolution of Darwin’s Theory by Kenny Fries
  53. Body, Remember: A Memoir by Kenny Fries
  54. Mad at School: Rhetorics of Mental Disability and Academic Life by Margaret Price 
  55. The Obsessive Joy of Autism by Julia Bascom 
  56. Blind: A Memoir by Belo Cipriani 
  57. Count Us In: Growing Up with Down Syndrome by Jason Kingley and Mitchell Levitz
  58. Holding Change: The Way of Emergent Strategy Facilitation and Mediation by Adrienne Maree Brown
  59. Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good by Adrienne Maree Brown
  60. Brilliant Imperfection: Grappling with Cure by Eli Clare
  61. Feminist Queer Crip by Alison Kafer
  62. ASL Saved My Life…Until it Didn’t by Jenni Kleinman Berebitsky
  63. We Are Never Meeting in Real Life by Samantha Irby
  64. Disabled Leadership by Dr. Tom A. Wiggins
  65. Deaf Utopia: A Memoir – and a Love Letter to a Way of Life coauthored by Nyle DiMarco
  66. Demystifying Disability: What to Know, What to Say, and How to be an Ally by Emily Ladau
  67. Year of the Tiger: An Activist’s Life by Alice Wong
  68. What Doesn’t Kill You: A Life with Chronic Illness – Lessons from a Body in Revolt by Tessa Miller
  69. A Face for Picasso: Coming of Age with Crouzon Syndrome by Ariel Henley 
  70. Just Human: The Quest for Disability Wisdom, Respect, and Inclusion by Arielle Silverman, PhD
  71. Different, Not Less: A neurodivergent’s guide to embracing your true self and finding your happily ever after by Cholé Hayden
  72. How I See It: A Personal and Historical View of Disability by H Penny Mishkin
  73. Successful to Burnt Out: Experiences of Women on the Autism Spectrum by Karletta Abianac 
  74. Adult ADHD: How to Succeed as a Hunter in a Farmer’s World by Thom Hartmann
  75. More the Same than Different: What I Wish People Knew About Respecting and Including People with Disabilities by Lorraine Cannistra
  76. Not a Poster Child: Living Well with a Disability – A Memoir by Francine Falk-Allen
  77. My Body is Not a Prayer Request: Disability Justice in the Church by Amy Kenny
  78. The ADHD Advantage: What You Thought was a Diagnosis May Be Your Greatest Strength by Dale Archer, MD
  79. Black, Blind, & In Charge: A Story of Visionary Leadership and Overconing Adversity by David A. Paterson
  80. Unleash Different: Achieving Business Success Through Disability by Rich Donovan 
  81. Crazy, Who Me?: My Journey as a Leader Overcoming Depression by John Panigas

Learn From Your Cringe-Worthy Experiences, And Share Your Lessons

KUOW reporter Bill Radke, Julie Pham, and author Monica Guzman at a live, public talk on July 7, 2022 at McCaw Hall. This is an example of the public talk, but not the one I described in the essay.

There I was, presenting to a virtual audience of 100 people about my work, something I had talked about dozens of times before. I was excited. It was going to be my biggest audience yet.

Five minutes into my talk, an audience member asked why I was presenting on a topic that wasn’t relevant to the event’s theme. I explained. She pressed. I became defensive. Messages started to flow into the chat, criticizing the relevancy of my topic and flaws they perceived in my work. 

An audience member said my presentation was a waste of his time. I worked hard to maintain my composure. I thanked him and acknowledged that my work wasn’t going to be relevant and fit everyone’s needs. I tried to move into the planned activity and get people into breakout rooms. I said I wanted to give people time to process. In reality, I needed a break. Chat messages questioning my motives kept pouring in.

Finally, the session ended. I tried to hold on as long as I could. Then I turned off my camera and cried. I cried out of disappointment, shame, frustration and resentment.  And then I asked myself, “What did I learn?” 

I don’t regret what happened. If I’d been warned ahead of time about what would happen at that event, I would have still done it. When I share the story, some people try to reason what should have been done to prevent the negative reaction. I have to explain that I’m grateful for the experience. 

I learned more in that 75 minute session than I had in the dozens of times prior I presented on the topic. I wouldn’t change a single thing. Pain is a teacher. 

Whenever something like this happens, I process the pain by learning from it.

So, I talked about the experience a lot, with my team, with friends, acquaintances, and people I volunteer with. I even talked about it with clients and potential clients. 

When I share my pain, others learn too. I learn from their reactions and observations. I want to know their perspective. The learning spreads. And I model what it means to be willing to learn from my mistakes. 

Sharing this experience has also resulted in something surprising. Many shared their own related painful, shameful experiences. They implicitly said, “I’m going to let my pain be your teacher too.” They reciprocated. Our trust deepened.

We all have difficult, cringe-worthy, experiences we don’t want to talk about. 

What can happen when you share what you learned from the pain?

Others can learn from you, and you can learn from them. I’ve been doing this all my life.

It’s what allowed me to make rapid career changes. I went from being an academic to running a Vietnamese newspaper, to tech marketing, to nonprofit leadership, and then starting my own company last year.

My life has been a series of painful experiences that I rapidly learned from. My parents are an inspiration for me. As Vietnamese refugees, I watched them navigate America in their limited English. They had no choice but to get out and try and they knew that it wouldn’t be perfect, and they did it anyway. Over and over again.

When I was a grad student, I had to learn Vietnamese quickly. I didn’t grow up speaking it, so I had to learn as an adult. Within two years, I was volunteering to present in Vietnamese to Vietnamese researchers. I had a very heavy American accent and I’m sure that there are times when I made many grammatical mistakes. And I did it anyway.

I got my real-life MBA by returning to Seattle and running my family ‘s Vietnamese language newspaper. One of the things I had to learn was how to sell. So, I’d get on these calls with ad agencies, and they would ask me all of these questions and I just had to say, “I don’t know, I don’t know.” I remember after one particularly hard call, I told myself, “You are bad at this now, but you’re going to get really good in two years.” And I did get better.

I decided to leave the best job I ever had in the middle of the pandemic to start my own company called CuriosityBased. With my own team, I’m constantly taking risks to push our own learning. Here are two examples: 

Whenever we are about to go into a workshop with new exercises, I remind the team, “Even though we’ve rehearsed this a lot, we’re going to make some mistakes. And when they happen, we just need to roll with it. We will learn.” 

When I created my first digital course, we opted for speed over quality. We created a course in two weeks, which usually takes three months to do. Some early testers criticized the video quality as unprofessional. And yet I put it out in the world because I wanted to start the learning process. I wanted to hear thoughts and reactions. 

One of the things that I’m most proud of is that I share what I learn with others and in doing so, I model learning in public.

People often ask, “What am I going to achieve?” 

I ask, “What am I going to learn?”

Some people are motivated by the impact that they’re going to have on the world. My motivations are much more selfish. I’m motivated by what I’m going to learn and sharing what I learned with others in hopes that they will share with me their perspectives and what they’ve learned. I’m motivated to create a space for people to practice curiosity.

I want to return to the event I described earlier. Here’s some of my lessons:

  • I didn’t manage the audience’s expectations.
  • I didn’t think enough about what the audience wanted to learn
  • I was warned before the talk and brushed off other people’s concerns. I was naïve. 
  • When confronted with questions about the relevancy of my topic, I got defensive. 
  • I feared engaging in conflict in front of a live audience, so I retreated to the agenda

All of these mistakes have since made me a much better presenter and facilitator.

It’s not just about getting better and changing; it’s about getting clearer.

I learned to lean into what I do and what I don’t do. From the pain came clarity. 

Not only did I learn what I can change, I also learned what I’m not willing to change because it’s core to who I am. There are some things I won’t apologize for.

And remember, pain is a teacher. You don’t have to experience learning alone.

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This post was based on my Substack post, Pain is a teacher: Learn from your cringe-worthy experiences, and share your lessons, which was originally posted on July 13, 2022. You can listen to me reading the original essay. Please subscribe.