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How to Respond to Constructive Feedback

It’s natural to feel defensive or hurt when getting negative or constructive feedback. I know I feel that way. A common mistake I see people make about getting feedback is that they think they automatically had to change or react immediately. We all benefit from taking some time to think about the feedback given to us because it is just one person’s opinion, not a universal truth. Knowing how to respond to constructive feedback takes practice. Here are three different stages that will help you practice how to respond to constructive feedback.

First stage– how to respond when you’re getting the constructive feedback:

  1. Thank the person for the feedback.
  1. Ask clarifying questions, such as the behavior they’re giving you feedback on. Be careful not to sound defensive when you are asking these clarifying questions that you were not being defensive. You are truly trying to understand what they saw. Sometimes people can’t give you examples, and that is telling their feedback might be very subjective. For example, they may say “you’re rude” and they can’t think of any examples of things you’ve said. If you don’t think you can stop yourself from getting defensive, skip to the next step.
  1. Let them know you need some time to process their feedback. We often assume that we have to react right away and I think that’s wrong. We all need some time to process hard news, so give yourself permission to take that time. It will also benefit them because when you respond to them, you will be more calm and have processed what they said.

Second stage, process the constructive feedback by yourself: 

  1. Remind yourself that negative feedback isn’t a personal attack.
  1. Ask yourself why you do what you’re being criticized for–is there a purpose?

When you’re processing, it could also be helpful to think about why you do that thing that you do. Perhaps you grew up in a family that was very blunt and direct. You can explain this, not as a way to get them to excuse you, but as a way for them to understand you more. For example, “I grew up in a family that spoke very directly to one another and I guess that has been carried over in how I present myself at work. I will think about making adjustments and I also want you to understand this is where I am familiar and comfortable with.”

  1. Talk to other people about the feedback you received and ask for different interpretations. It’s natural for different people to have different interpretations and reactions to your behavior, which is why it’s important not to let one person’s opinion sway everything. I remember one person was told she was too blunt by a few coworkers, and then she was told by other coworkers she was too indirect and not blunt enough. 
  2. Decide if you want to take it or leave it and/or just adjust your behavior with the person giving you that feedback. Remember, this is just one person’s opinion.

Third stage- closing the feedback loop:

After you’ve taken the time to process, then go back to the person and see if you can talk about it. This is the third stage and closes the loop.

Watch the Video Explainer

Which of these strategies resonates with you? I’d love for you to share your thoughts in the comments section. If this was helpful, please share it with a friend or post it on social media.

5 Tricks to Make Networking Events Less Stressful

5 Strategies to Reduce Stress at Networking Events

Even though I attend many networking events, they still make me nervous. Over time, I’ve found a few strategies that help me feel less stressed and more intentional. Here are five tricks to make networking events less stressful. These tips are ones I use myself, and they can help you approach networking with confidence.

1. Set a Realistic Goal

Don’t expect to make ten new friends at one event. That goal will likely leave you disappointed. Instead, I aim to meet one to three people I’d genuinely like to follow up with. This shift helps me focus on building quality relationships, not just chatting with as many people as possible.

2. Pretend You’re a Journalist

If talking about yourself feels intimidating, flip the script. Ask people questions, just as a journalist would. Most people enjoy sharing their stories. By approaching conversations this way, you’ll not only ease your nerves but also walk away with interesting insights.

3. Bring a Buddy

Invite a friend to attend the event with you. Agree to approach people together so that you both engage in conversations. The key is not to hide in the corner and only talk to each other. Having a buddy makes networking less intimidating, especially when you feel awkward standing alone.

4. Treat Conversations as Practice

Think of networking as practice, not performance. Each interaction is a chance to test new stories, jokes, or even your elevator pitch. Go in seeking feedback and accept whatever you get. With this mindset, every conversation becomes an opportunity to improve.

5. Remember You’re Not Alone

You may think you’re the only one feeling stressed, but that’s rarely true. Many people get anxious at networking events. Some are just better at hiding it. Keeping this in mind makes the experience less isolating.

Networking doesn’t have to feel overwhelming. By setting realistic goals, asking questions, and shifting your perspective, you can reduce stress and build stronger connections.

Watch the Video Explainer

Which of these strategies resonates with you? Share your thoughts in the comments. If you found this helpful, pass it along to a friend or share it on social media.

How to Say “No” to a Friend or Acquaintance

How do you say “no” to a friend or acquaintance when they ask you for help? It can be really hard to ask for help, even from your friends. When someone asks me for help, I’m thinking about how difficult it must’ve been for them to ask for help. I naturally want to say yes not because I want to do the thing but because I want to reward them for having the courage to ask for help. Even though you’re compassionate, it doesn’t mean you have to say yes. I think this leads to more people who say yes than they should.

It’s important to recognize the way we say no to our coworkers will be different from the way that we say no to our friends or acquaintances.

Here are 8 tips for saying “no” to your a friend’s or acquaintance’s request:

  1. Try to understand the request.

    Take the time to ask questions. At least making the effort to consider the request. When you ask questions about their ask, you may find out they actually need something else or you may be able to think of another solution.

  2. If you need more time or information, tell them when you can give them an answer by.

    Think about how you feel when you ask someone for help over email or text message and they don’t respond. Do you get worried about how they might be thinking about you? I’ve experienced times where friends have totally ignored me when I’ve asked for help and I was left worrying about how my request made them feel. So when you need more time to think about something, it’s important to just respond to say that. You could say, “I’ll let you know at the end of the week if I can do it.”

  3. If the request is easy to understand and for you it’s a clear-cut “no,” respond as soon as you can.

    They might be worried and wondering how you’re feeling about their request. If you can’t do it, just let them know the sooner the better. A lot of people, if they don’t want to say yes, or if they can’t say yes, then they just don’t say anything at all. I think if you know it’s something you can’t do, just say that immediately. It’s better than dragging it out.

  4. Say “no“ and offer an alternative solution.

    “I can’t do that, however, I can do this.” I’ve been asked to attend fundraising events and to make cash donations. Instead, I have offered to donate my services so they can auction them off. When you asked questions about their request, you may have come up with alternative solutions, so share them. You do want to be helpful, even if you’re not the one who can directly help them.

  5. Share why you need to say no and what your priorities are.

    It could be helpful for the person to understand why you were saying no. This doesn’t require a long, apologetic explanation. In fact, the shorter the better. I’ve shared “It’s really difficult for me to meet up in person, so I will have to say no.” or “I won’t be able to make a donation because my priority giving areas are this and this” or “All of my resources are dedicated to my family right now.” 

  6. Don’t give them hope if this is something you’ll never do.

    Think about if this is something you’d ever be willing to do or not. For example, some people have asked me to pet sit and I know I will never pet sit. In this case, I just let them know I have no experience with pets and I would not be a good candidate for pet sitting.

  7. Welcome them to ask you again if you do want to be asked.

    Sometimes you have to say no because you’re not available to help them out. If that’s the case, you can let them  know by saying “I can’t help this time, please do ask again though.” It lets them know that even though you can’t do it now, it lets them know they can still ask you again in the future. 

  8. Wish them good luck.

    Even if you can’t help them and you don’t know anyone who can, wish them some luck so they can get the help they need. 

If you can say no to your friends and acquaintances more easily, then you will be practicing setting your boundaries and limiting how many things you do out of a self imposed sense of obligation versus out of true desire.

Which of these strategies resonates with you? I’d love for you to share your thoughts in the comments section. If this was helpful, please share it with a friend or post it on social media.

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How to Say No Professionally to Your Boss or Co-worker

“How can I say no to extra work from my boss or colleague professionally and without making enemies?”

We’ve all been in situations where a coworker or our manager or even our manager’s manager has asked us for help to do something that we don’t want to do or that we don’t have the capacity to do. It could be very difficult considering the power dynamics. It’s important to recognize that the way we say no to our friends/acquaintances will be different from the way that we say no at work.

The first stage is to demonstrate that you’re trying to understand and consider their request with these four steps:

1. Paraphrase the request to confirm understanding.

You could say something like “just to make sure I understand your request, is this what you’re saying…?” You may even find out what you think they’re asking for is different from what they think they’re asking for.

2. Try to determine if you’re the only one who can do it the extra work.

Determine if there’s someone else on the team who could help you with the extra work. You may feel you are deflecting on work if you do that, but think of it as you are sharing the responsibility and opportunity for exposure. Perhaps your coworker hadn’t thought about asking certain people because they just don’t have as much exposure to them. There’s an opportunity for you to play “connect the dots” and you can say “I think so-and-so can help you.” 

3. Try to understand if their deadline is fixed or flexible.

If you’re willing to do it, yet you need more time, try to see if you can negotiate the deadline. Sometimes people feel more urgency than is actually needed. Try to understand what they’re thinking about by determining this deadline.

4. If you need time to process and let them know when you’ll get back to them.

People often just want to hear a response, whether that is in the affirmative or negative. Yet so often, if we can’t respond in the affirmative, we don’t even respond in the negative. You will earn a lot of goodwill if you respond as soon as possible and offer when you can get back to them.

In the second stage, decide if you still want to say no. If you still want to say no after you have discussed the request, take these five steps to say no professionally:

1. Share what you have to give up doing if you fulfill their request.

Oftentimes when people are asking for help, they don’t think about what you might have to give up in order for you to accommodate the request. You just have to tell them.

2. Ask them what they think you should give up or delay to fulfill their request.

After you tell them what you’re working on, you can turn the question onto them and ask what they think you should give up. This also signals you do have to give something up in order to fulfill their request and it will make them rethink their request. Sometimes people make requests that are not thought out because they just want to get some relief.

3. Share alternative solutions to get their needs addressed.

You may know other people or resources in the department that they don’t know about and  they could actually use to fulfill their request. Even if you just say “you may want to check with so-and-so, you will start to be seen as helpful.

4. If the request makes you uncomfortable, say that.

If you’re not sure how to explain why, just say, “I don’t know why, I just don’t feel comfortable doing this.” There could be so many different reasons for why you don’t want to say yes to this request. If it makes you uncomfortable, share that. 

5. Reinforce your desire to be helpful and that you want to focus on doing your current job/task well.

You want to end the conversation on a positive note. Let them know you do want to be helpful, and yet there’s just so much other work, and no relief in sight, so you have to say no.

Watch the Video Explainer

Which of these strategies on how to say no professionally resonates with you? I’d love for you to share your thoughts in the comments section. If this was helpful, please share it with a friend or post it on social media.

150 Leadership Books Written by LGBTQ+ Authors (2023)

2023-LGBTQ-Authored-Leadership-Books-V1Download

We created this list to promote leadership narratives written by the LGBTQ+ community. This list is meant to be a resource, not an official endorsement. The books are not ranked or listed in any particular order.

Check out our other leadership book lists by authors who identify as LGBTQIA+, AANHPI, Native American, women, and those who identify as having disabilities.

  1. The Fire Next Time by James Baldwin
  2. Entrepreneurial You: Monetize Your Expertise, Create Multiple Income Streams, and Thrive by Dorie Clark
  3. Seriously…I’m Kidding by Ellen Degeneres
  4. Shut Up, I’m Talking!: Coming Out in Hollywood and Making It to the Middle by Jason Stuart
  5. All In: An Autobiography by Billie Jean King
  6. An Archive of Hope: Harvey Milk’s Speeches and Writings by Harvey Milk
  7. Rainbow Warrior: My Life in Color by Gilbert Baker
  8. The Normal Heart by Larry Kramer
  9. Freddie Mercury: A Life, In His Own Words by Freddie Mercury
  10. GuRu by RuPaul
  11. The Rainbow Comes and Goes: A Mother and Son on Life, Love, and Loss by Anderson Cooper & his mom Gloria Vanderbilt
  12. Redefining Realness: My Path to Womanhood, Identity, Love & So Much More by Janet Mock
  13. Untamed by Glennon Doyle
  14. Punch Me Up to the Gods: A Memoir by Brian Broome
  15. Leaving Isn’t the Hardest Thing: Essays by Lauren Hough
  16. Pride Leadership: Strategies for the LGBTQ+ Leader to be the King or Queen of Their Jungle by Steven Yacovelli
  17. Fit to Serve: Reflections on a Secret Life, Private Struggle, and Public Battle to Become the First Openly Gay U.S. Ambassador by James C. Hormel & Erin Martin
  18. Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches by Audre Lorde
  19. In Defense of Our America: The Fight for Civil Liberties in the Age of Terror by Anthony D. Romero
  20. Beautiful on the Outside: A Memoir by Adam Rippon
  21. Tim Cook: The Genius Who Took Apple to the Next Level by Leander Kahney
  22. The Path Forward: Rethinking Federal Marijuana Policy by Rep. Earl Blumenauer and Rep. Jared Polis
  23. Forever Young: The Story of Troye Sivan by Alana Wulff
  24. The Man Without a Face: The Unlikely Rise of Vladimir Putin by Masha Gessen
  25. Surviving Autocracy by Masha Gessen
  26. Raf Simons by Sunny Chanday
  27. Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body by Roxane Gay
  28. Everybody’s Got Something by Robin Roberts & Veronica Chambers
  29. Dear White People by Justin Simien
  30. Michael Kors by Sunny Chanday
  31. This is the Fire: What I Say to My Friends About Racism by Don Lemon
  32. Binge by Tyler Oakley
  33. Tom Ford by Tom Ford
  34. On the Other Side of Freedom: The Case for Hope by DeRay Mckesson
  35. Blood, Bones, & Butter: The Inadvertent Education of a Reluctant Chef by Gabrielle Hamilton
  36. White Girls by Hilton Als
  37. Oh Myyy!: There Goes the Internet by George Takei
  38. They Called Us Enemy: Expanded Edition by George Takei
  39. The 9 Steps to Financial Freedom: Practical and Spiritual Steps to You Can Stop Worrying by Suze Orman
  40. Zero to One: Notes on Startups, or How to Build the Future by Peter Thiel & Blake Masters
  41. Trust: America’s Best Chance by Pete Buttigieg
  42. Shortest Way Home: One Mayor’s Challenge and a Model for America’s Future by Pete Buttigieg
  43. Nothing Personal by James Baldwin
  44. Revelations: The Autobiography of Alvin Ailey by Alvin Ailey & A. Peter Bailey
  45. In the Shadow of the Eagle: A Tribal Representative in Maine by Donna M. Loring
  46. Me by Ricky Martin
  47. And a Voice to Sing With: A Memoir by Joan Baez
  48. The Holly Woodlawn Story: A Low Life in High Heels by Holly Woodlawn
  49. The Gloria Anzaldúa Reader (Latin America Otherwise) by Gloria Anzaldúa
  50. I’m the One That I Want by Margaret Cho
  51. WOLFPACK: How to Come Together, Unleash Our Power, and Change the Game by Abby Wambach
  52. A Room of One’s Own by Virginia Woolf
  53. Emergent Strategy: Shaping Change, Changing Worlds edited by Adrienne Maree Brown
  54. We Will Not Cancel Us edited by Adrienne Maree Brown
  55. Love and Rage by Lama Rod Owens
  56. I Hope We Choose Love: A Trans Girl’s Notes from the End of the World by Kai Cheng Thom
  57. Martina by Martina Navratilova
  58. Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good edited by Adrienne Maree Brown
  59. Octavia’s Brood: Science Fiction from Social Justice Movements edited by Adrienne Maree Brown
  60. How to Get Stupid White Men Out of Office: The Anti-Politics, Un-Boring Guide to Power edited by Adrienne Maree Brown
  61. The Children of Harvey Milk: How LGBTQ Politicians Changed the World by Andrew Reynolds
  62. Representation Matters: How Victory Fund, Victory Institute, and LGBT Leaders are Transforming America by Karen Ocamb
  63. Serving in Silence by Margarethe Cammermeyer
  64. Frank: A Life in Politics from the Great Society to Same-Sex Marriage by Barney Frank
  65. Pressure is a Privilege: Lessons I’ve Learned from Life and the Battle of the Sexes by Billie Jean King
  66. Gunn’s Golden Rules: Life’s Little Lessons for Making it Work by Tim Gunn
  67. Queer Eye: Love Yourself, Love Your Life by Antoni Porowski, Tan France, Jonathan Van Ness, Bobby Berk & Karamo Brown
  68. My Story of Embracing Purpose, Healing, and Hope by Karamo Brown
  69. Naturally Tan by Tan France
  70. Over The Top by Jonathan Van Ness
  71. 71. One Life by Megan Rapinoe & Emma Brockes
  72. It’s About Damn Time by Arlan Hamilton
  73. Inclusion: Diversity, the New Workplace, & The Will to Change by Jennifer Brown
  74. Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story by Jacob Tobia
  75. Borderlands/ La Frontera: The New Mestiza by Gloria Anzaldúa
  76. Ma and Me: A Memoir by Putsata Reang
  77. In Search of Our Mothers’ Gardens: Womanist prose by Alice Walker
  78. Eat, Pray, Love: One woman’s search for everything across Italy, India, and Indonesia by Elizabeth Gilbert
  79. Truth or Dare: Encounters with power, authority, and mystery by Starhawk
  80. Stand Out: How to find your breakthrough idea and build a following around it by Dorie Clark
  81. Feeling Power: Emotions and education by Megan Boler
  82. And Now We Are Going to Have a Party by Nichola Griffith
  83. Marbles: Mania, Depression, Michelangelo, and Me by Ellen Forney
  84. All Boys Aren’t Blue: A Memoir-Manifesto by George M. Johnson
  85. Fairest: A Memoir by Meredith Talusan
  86. Hola Papi: How to Come Out in a Walmart Parking Lot and Other Life Lessons by John Paul Brammer
  87. Long Live the Tribe of Fatherless Girls: A Memoir by T Kira Madden
  88. People Change by Vivek Shraya
  89. I’m Afraid of Men by Vivek Shraya
  90. We Have Always Been Here: A Queer Muslim Memoir by Samra Habib
  91. Boy Erased: A Memoir of Identity, Faith, and Family by Garrard Conley
  92. Surpassing Certainty: What My Twenties Taught Me by Janet Mock
  93. Warrior Princess: A US Navy SEAL’s Journey to Coming Out Transgender by Kristen Beck & Anne Speckhard
  94. Virtually Human by Martine Rothblatt, PhD
  95. Zami: A New Spelling of My Name: A Biomythography by Audre Lorde
  96. I Can’t Date Jesus: Love, Sex, Family, Race, and Other Reasons I’ve Put My Faith in Beyonce by Michael Arceneaux
  97. I Don’t Want to Die Poor: Essays by Michael Arceneaux
  98. Unapologetic: A Black, Queer, and Feminist Mandate by Charlene Carruthers
  99. The Queer Advantage: Conversations with LGBTQ+ Leaders on Power of Identity by Andrew Gelwicks
  100. The G Quotient: Why Gay Executives are Excelling as Leaders… and What Every Manager Needs to Know by Kirk Snyder
  101. Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women, and the Rest of Us by Kate Bornstein
  102. No Ashes in the Fire: Coming of Age Black & Free in America by Darnell L Moore
  103. All The Things She Said: Everything I Know About Modern Lesbian and Bi Culture by Daisy Jones
  104. The Queering of Corporate America by Carlos A. Ball
  105. Inclusive 360: Proven Solutions for an Equitable Organization by Bernadette Smith
  106. My Greatest Save by Brianna Scurry 
  107. In My Skin by Brittney Griner
  108. Fun Home by Alison Bechdel 
  109. Gender Magic: Live Shamelessly, Reclaim Your Joy, & Step into Your Most Authentic Self by Rae McDaniel
  110. The Educator’s Guide to LGBT+ Inclusion: A Practical Resource for K-12 Teachers, Administrators, and School Support Staff by Kryss Shane
  111. Creating an LGBT+ Inclusive Workplace: The Practical Resource Guide for Business Leaders by Kryss Shane
  112. The Glass Closet: Why Coming Out is Good for Business by John Browne
  113. Straight Jacket: Overcoming Society’s Legacy of Gay Shame by Matthew Todd
  114. Stonewall: The Definitive Story of the LGBTQ Rights Uprising that Changed America by Martin Duberman
  115. Trailblazer: Lighting the Path for Transgender Equality in Corporate America by Mary Ann Horton
  116. A Burst of Light: and Other Essays by Audre Lorde
  117. Banned from California: – Jim Foshee – Persecution, Redemption, Liberation… and the Gay Civil Rights Movement by Robert C. Steele
  118. Body Becoming: A Path to Our Liberation by Robyn Henderson-Espinoza
  119. In Transit: Being Non-Binary in a World of Dichotomies by Dianne. E. Anderson
  120. We Are Everywhere: Protest, Power, and Pride in the History of Queer Liberation by Matthew Reimer
  121. Pageboy: A Memoir by Elliot Page
  122. Diary of a Misfit: A Memoir and a Mystery by Casey Parks
  123. A Place for Us: A Memoir by Brandon J. Wolf
  124. The Lie: A Memoir of Two Marriages, Catfishing & Coming Out by William Dameron
  125. You’re That Bitch: & Other Cute Lessons About Being Unapologetically Yourself by Bretman Rock
  126. The One You Want to Marry (And Other Identities I’ve Had): A Memoir by Sophie Santos
  127. Black Boy Out of Time by Hari Ziyad
  128. This Time for Me: A Memoir by Alexandra Billings
  129. Ten Steps to Nanette: A Memoir Situation by Hannah Gadsby
  130. All Down Darkness Wide: A Memoir by Sean Hewitt
  131. In the Dream House: A Memoir by Carmen Maria Machado
  132. The Best Strangers in the World: Stories from a Life Spent Listening by Ari Shapiro
  133. Deaf Utopia: A Memoir – and a Love Letter to a Way of Life by Nyle DiMarco
  134. We Can Be Heroes: A Survivor’s Story by Paul Burston
  135. Horse Barbie: A Memoir by Geena Rocero
  136. Baggage: Tales from a Fully Packed Life by Alan Cumming
  137. A Queer History of the United States by Michael Bronski
  138. The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man’s World by Alan Downs, PhD
  139. Refusing Compulsory Sexuality: A Black Asexual Lens on Our Sex-Obsessed Culture by Sherronda J. Brown
  140. The Male Gazed: On Hunks, Heartthrobs, and What Pop Culture Taught Me About (Desiring) Men by Manuel Betancourt
  141. The Book of Pride: LGBTQ Heroes Who Changed the World by Mason Funk
  142. Lesbian Love Story: A Memoir in Archives by Amelia Possanza
  143. Secret City: The Hidden History of Gay Washington by James Kirchick
  144. Before We Were Trans: A New History of Gender by Dr. Kit Heyam
  145. Dear America: Notes of an Undocumented Citizen by Jose Antonio Vargas
  146. Is It Hot in Here (Or Am I Suffering for All Eternity for the Sins I Committed on Earth)? by Zach Zimmerman
  147. The Apartheid of Sex: A Manifesto on the Freedom of Gender by Martine Rothblatt, PhD
  148. Your First Million: Building a Path to Generational Wealth by Arlan Hamilton
  149. Breaking Through: Communicating to Open Minds, Move Hearts, and Change the World by Sally Susman
  150. How We Fight for Our Lives by Saeed Jones

View all of our leadership book lists here.

Revealing the 7 Signs of Passiveness

We often discuss other people’s passivity or passive-aggressive behavior, but we hesitate to acknowledge that we ourselves may exhibit passiveness or conflict avoidance. This is a broad category, so to better understand what we mean by “passive,” I have analyzed various actions and behaviors and categorized them into these seven forms of passiveness:

1. Non-response:

When you receive an invitation via email, text, or social media and choose not to respond at all if you can’t accept. Example: Chris emails me an invitation to their social function, but I never respond. This is a form of “non-response.”

2. Non-acknowledgment:

When someone makes a comment that goes unacknowledged, usually because it expresses an unpopular view and people want to avoid conflict. Example: Chris says, “I don’t think that (issue) is so bad,” after others have complained about it. Instead of addressing Chris, people pretend they didn’t hear and change the subject.

3. Not saying what you want to say:

When you have something to say but choose not to express it to avoid seeming aggressive. Example: Chris is playing loud music in an open space, and I’m annoyed, but I don’t say anything.

4. Deflection (the “yes-no”):

This occurs in situations similar to “non-response”, but the invitation is given in person, necessitating an immediate response. To avoid disappointing the other person or creating conflict or awkwardness, the recipient deflects the inquiry by not giving a direct answer. Example: Chris asks, “Do you want to get coffee sometime?” and I respond, “There are some great coffee shops in Seattle.” I neither say “no” nor “yes.”

5. Saying “yes” when you mean “no”:

When you decide to say “yes” even though you don’t mean it, just to avoid hurting the inquirer’s feelings. If the invitation was genuine, this can give false hope and lead to stringing the person along. Example: Chris suggests, “We should get coffee sometime,” and I respond, “Yes, let’s get coffee,” even though I have no intention of making time for it.

6. Talking behind someone’s back:

When you have negative feedback for someone but choose not to share it directly with them. Instead, you share it with others, often justifying it as “venting.” You may even feel like you’re being direct because you have voiced your feedback, even though you haven’t communicated it to the person concerned. Example: Chris does something that annoys me, but instead of addressing it directly with Chris, I decide to discuss it with our mutual acquaintances.

7. Ghosting:

When you commit to participating in something with a group of people but later decide you no longer want to be involved. Instead of informing the group, you choose not to respond to their communication or show up, essentially “disappearing” or “ghosting” them. Example: I was volunteering with Chris on a project, but they do something I disagree with. Instead of discussing it with Chris, I choose to “ghost” them.

I hope that by examining these examples, you will realize that we are all guilty of some form of passivity. If this post has been helpful, please share it with a friend or post it on social media.

Watch the Video Explainer

If you are curious about your own passive nature and wondering if it is causing problems in your life, check out this blog post. You can also read my original article on the forms of passiveness here.

Is Your Passive Behavior a Problem?

I often hear from individuals who exhibit what could be perceived as passive behavior, claiming they don’t have the time or energy to address things directly. While that may be true in some cases, I believe it’s not the case for those who spend significant time contemplating the issue at hand. To help people determine whether their passiveness is truly a problem, I’ve devised a formula.

Consider “emotional time” (ET), which refers to the time spent thinking and ruminating about something—a measure of mental energy devoted to the issue. Then there’s “actual time” (AT), which represents the time it would take to change behavior. Actual time encompasses both the time required for action and the time taken to actually act.

To assess the significance of the issue, divide emotional time by actual time. If the quotient exceeds 5X, it suggests that you’re investing far more time and energy in thinking about something than it deserves.

Let’s consider an example: You’re sitting on a bus, and someone opens the window, leaving you shivering.

ET = 80 min (20 min of sitting resentfully in the cold on the bus + 60 min spent recounting the incident to 10 people, emphasizing the audacity of the person not closing the window)

AT = 5 min (thinking of how to politely ask the person to shut the window and actually uttering the words)

ET/AT quotient = 16x

If you value your time and frequently mention being busy, a 16x factor should prompt you to take action.

One important aspect of emotional time is that it can escalate over time. Currently, it might be 80 minutes, but it could increase to 100 minutes. Alternatively, you might only spend 20 minutes dwelling on the incident and never think about it again, resulting in a quotient of 4X, which is not problematic.

I hope this formula assists you in determining whether your passive behavior regarding an issue is indeed a problem or not. If this post was helpful, please share it with a friend or post it on social media.

Watch the Video Explainer

You can read the 7 Signs of Passiveness blog post here as well as my original article on this topic.

Unlock Your Creativity: The Power of Constraints

I fully appreciated how the power of constraints and limitations can unlock creativity when I returned to Seattle to run my family’s newspaper in 2008, the start of the global recession and decline of the newspaper industry. I was forced to be extremely scrappy and entrepreneurial as my parents and I tried to survive these unfortunate circumstances. That experience, though, informed how I approached my work later on. 

Here are 6 tips to help you think about constraints and limitations differently:

1. Accept that you have constraints and limitations so you can unlock creativity.

We might be tempted to dwell on what we don’t have or what we should have. It’s OK to feel upset. It is then that we move on and get to acceptance; that is where we can start the work. 

2. Focus on what you do have, not on what you don’t have.

While there are many things that we don’t have, they’re actually many things that we still have. My favorite story around this is with impressionist painters. A group of painters were painting together, and they realized they didn’t have any more black paint, so they started using violet. Then violet became the new black, the darkest shade. Without the color black, the impressionist paintings look so much more light. Here, they focus on what they did have, which was the color violet.

3. Focus on what you can try and experiment with.

Not having things can also make us experiment more. When we hold our learning experiences (what we call our workshops), we really like to have breakout groups so people can talk with one another. With some of our CuriosityBased clients, they don’t want any interaction with one another so I had to create a sense of interactivity without being able to rely on one of my go-to. We started to experiment with different kinds of polling to quickly get anonymous information from people. We would then show the results of those polls and have the people react to them. This constraint actually led us to improve the polling in our regular learning experiences that do have breakout groups. This limitation helped us improve overall.

4. Be clear about what you actually need to accomplish the work.

Sometimes we’re so used to things we think we need to have that we forget that we actually don’t really need them in order to do the work. For me, for example, I usually have access to a screen to project a PowerPoint slide deck when I am facilitating in-person sessions. So when I was asked to facilitate an outdoor session in a park, I couldn’t use my usual tech. Instead, we printed follow-along packets for people to consult. Turns out I didn’t need a projector after all. 

5. Trade products and services to get what you need.

When I worked at the newspaper, we had a lot of advertisers who had fallen behind on their bills, and also people who wanted to advertise and they just didn’t have the cash. We ended up doing a lot of bartering services like restaurant gift cards and printing services so we could each get what we needed.

6. Ask for help so you can get more resources.

I used to lead volunteer teams in building projects with no resources in a very short time frame. Some teams asked for donations, but I remember one team in particular wanted to organize an event and they ended up getting cupcakes donated, a free space, and volunteers to help. Once they expressed a need for help, people offered more than they had hoped for.

When we frame constraints as a way to force us to do things differently, that is when we discover our inner creativity. Which of these reframes resonates with you? I’d love for you to share your thoughts in the comments section. If this was helpful, please share it with a friend or post it on social media.

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2023 AANHPI Authored Leadership Book List

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In honor of AANHPI Heritage Month, we created this list of books written by AANHPI authors. This list is meant to be a resource, not an official endorsement. The books are not ranked in any particular order.

  1. This Is One Way to Dance by Sejal Shah
  2. My Forgotten Seattle by Ron Chew
  3. Sigh, Gone: A Misfits Memoir of Great Books, Punk Rock, and the Fight to Fit In by Phuc Tran
  4. Crying in H Mart: A Memoir by Michelle Zauner
  5. Living for Change by Grace Boggs
  6. Where the Past Begins: Memory & Imagination by Amy Tan
  7. Fresh Off the Boat: A Memoir by Eddie Huang
  8. The Cooked Seed: A Memoir by Anchee Min
  9. Out of the Gobi: My Story of China & America by Weijian Shan
  10. Love, Loss, and What We Ate: A Memoir by Padma Lakshmi
  11. Mixed Plate: Chronicles of an All-American Combo by Jo Koy
  12. An American Family: A Memoir of Hope & Sacrifice by Khizr Khan
  13. Brotherhood: Dharma, Destiny, and the American Dream by Deepak Chopra & Sanjiv Chopra
  14. Hawaii’s Story by Liliuokalani
  15. Nisei Radicals: The Feminist Poetics and Transformative Ministry of Mitsuye Yamada and Michael Yasutake by Diane C. Fujino
  16. See No Stranger: A Memoir and Manifesto of Revolutionary Love by Valarie Kaur
  17. Heart of Fire: An Immigrant Daughter’s Story by Mazie K. Hirono
  18. How to Raise a Feminist Son: Motherhood, Masculinity, and the Making of my Family by Sonora Jha
  19. Empress: The Astonishing Reign of Nur Jahan by Ruby Lal
  20. The Souls of Yellow Folk: Essays by Wesley Yang
  21. Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, & Advice for Living Your Best Life by Ali Wong
  22. Fault Lines: A Memoir by Meena Alexander
  23. Eat a Peach: A Memoir by David Chang
  24. Reset: My Fight for Inclusion and Lasting Change by Ellen Pao
  25. Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth
  26. The Art of Stillness: Adventures in Going Nowhere (TED Books) by Pico Iyer
  27. The Art of Strategy: A Game Theorist’s Guide to Success in Business and Life by Avinash K. Dixit
  28. The Art of the Start 2.0: The Time-Tested, Battle-Hardened Guide for Anyone Starting Anything by Guy Kawasaki
  29. The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success: A Practical Guide to the Fulfillment of Your Dreams by Deepak Chopra
  30. The Checklist Manifesto: How to Get Things Right by Atul Gawande
  31. Limitless: Upgrade Your Brain, Learn Anything Faster, and Unlock Your Exceptional Life by Jim Kwik
  32. Postcolonial Leadership, A: Asian Immigrant Christian Leadership and Its Challenges by Hee An Choi
  33. Enough About Me: The Unexpected Power of Selflessness by Richard Lui
  34. Legal Heroes in the Trump Era: Be Inspired, Expand Your Impact, Change the World by Tahima Watson
  35. Hit Refresh: The Quest to Rediscover Microsoft’s Soul and Imagine a Better Future for Everyone by Satya Nadella
  36. All In by Jerry Yang
  37. Radical: Fighting to Put Students First by Michelle Rhee
  38. My Life in Full: Work, Family, and Our Future by Indra Nooyi
  39. Unprecedented: The Masters and Me by Tiger Woods
  40. Delivering Happiness by Tony Hsieh
  41. Be Water, My Friend: The Teachings of Bruce Lee by Sharon Lee
  42. Unsung Hero: The Col. Young O. Kim Story by Woo Sung Han
  43. You’re More Powerful Than You Think: A Citizen’s Guide to Making Change Happen by Eric Liu
  44. Holding Serve: Preserving on and Off the Court by Michael Chang
  45. Great Asian Americans: Michelle Kwan by Stephanie Cham
  46. Great Asian Americans: Ellison Onizuka by Stephanie Cham
  47. Great Asian Americans: Tammy Duckworth by Stephanie Cham
  48. Great Asian Americans: Patsy Mink by Stephanie Cham
  49. Great Asian Americans: Yo-Yo Ma by Stephanie Cham
  50. To The Stars: The Autobiography of George Takei by George Takei
  51. Big Little Man: In Search of My Asian Self by Alex Tizon
  52. I love a Broad Margin to My Life by Maxine Hong Kingston
  53. Dat: Tackling Life and the NFL by Dat Nguyen
  54. Courage: The Backbone of Leadership by Gus Lee and Diane Elliott-Lee
  55. Madame Wu Chien-shiung: The First lady of Physics Research by Tsai-chien Chiang
  56. It Takes Moxie by Maureen Francisco
  57. Finding the Edge: My Life On The Ice by Karen Chen
  58. Rich Dad Poor Dad: What the Rich Teach Their Kids About Money That the Poor and Middle Class Do Not! by Robert T. Kiyosaki
  59. Still Life with Rice by Helie Lee
  60. I’m the One That I Want by Margaret Cho
  61. When Invisible Children Sing by Chi Cheng Huang
  62. Creating the Digital Future: The Secrets of Consistent Innovation at Intel by Albert T.c. Yu
  63. Boundaries by Maya Lin
  64. The War on Normal People by Andrew Yang
  65. Blue Ocean Strategy: How to Create Uncontested Market Space and Make the Competition Irrelevant by W. Chan Kim
  66. Leadership and Crisis by Bobby Jindal
  67. Enduring Conviction: Fred Korematsu and His Quest for Justice by Lorraine K. Bannai
  68. A Principled Stand: The Story of Hirabayashi v. United States by Gordon K. Hirabayashi
  69. Growing Up Brown: Memoirs of a Filipino American by Peter M. Jamero
  70. The Silent Master: Awakening the Power Within by Tae Yun Kim
  71. The Black Widow’s Guide to Killer Pool: Become the Player to Beat by Jeanette Lee
  72. My Forty Years as a Diplomat by Feng-Shan Ho
  73. You Can’t Be Serious by Kal Penn
  74. Behind Deep Blue: Building the Computer that Defeated the World Chess Champion by Feng-Hsiung Hsu
  75. Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty…And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, & Unapologetically Being Yourself by Dr. Aziz Gazupura
  76. The Truths We Hold: An American Journey by Kamala Harris
  77. Impressive First Impressions: A Guide to the Most Important 30 Seconds (And 30 Years) of Your Career by Vu H. Pham
  78. With Schwarzkopf: Life Lessons of the Bear by Gus Lee
  79. Purpose Mindset by Akhtar Badshah
  80. You Are A Mogul: How to Do the Impossible, Do It Yourself, and Do it Now by Tiffany Pham
  81. The Diversity Advantage: Fixing Gender Inequality in the Workplace by Ruchika Tulshyan
  82. Shorter: Work Better, Smarter, and Less – Here’s How by Alex Soojung-Kim Pang
  83. Minor Feelings: An Asian American Reckoning by Cathy Park Hong
  84. Come into My Office: Stories from an HR Leader in Silicon Valley by Mai Ton
  85. AugmentAsian: Strategies and Tools for Asian Pacific American Professional & Leadership Success by Asian Upward & Elevate Teams
  86. Edge: Turning Adversity Into Advantage by Laura Huang
  87. American Dreamer: How I Escaped Communist Vietnam and Built a Successful Life in America by Tim Tran
  88. Glue: How Project Leaders Create Cohesive, Engaged, High-Performing Teams by Anh Dao Pham
  89. Thick Face, Black Heart: The Warrior Philosophy for Conquering The Challenges of Business and Life by Chin-Ning Chu
  90. Uplifted: Journeys of Abundance, Community, and Identity by Geena Chen
  91. Sheer Determination: Swimming Upstream in a Downstream World by Kay Hire
  92. Reflections of Seattle’s Chinese Americans: The First 100 Years by Ron Chew
  93. Show Your Worth: 8 Intentional Strategies for Women to Emerge as Leaders at Work by Shelmina Babai Abri
  94. Inclusion on Purpose: An Intersectional Approach to Create a Culture of Belonging at Work by Ruchika Tulshyan
  95. Invitation to Lead: Guidance for Emerging Asian American Leaders by Paul Tokunaga
  96. The Making of Asian America: A History by Erika Lee
  97. World of Wonders: In Praise of Fireflies, Whale Sharks, and Other Astonishments by Aime Nezhukamatahil
  98. The Visibility Mindset: How Asian American Leaders Create Opportunities and Push Past Barriers by Bernice M Chao & Jessalin Lam
  99. This is Not a T-Shirt: A Brand, A Culture, A Community – A Life in Streetwear by Bobby Hundreds
  100. It’s Always Sunny Above the Clouds: Getting the Next Generation Into the Cockpit by Nick Tran
  101. Journey for Justice: The Life of Larry Itliong by Dawn B. Mabalon, PhD & Gayle Romas 
  102. Lions and Tigers and Bears: The Internet Strikes Back (Oh Myyy!) by George Takei
  103. Every Day is a Gift: A Memoir by Tammy Duckworth
  104. Fierce and Fearless: Patsy Takemoto Mink, First Woman of Color in Congress by Judy Tzu-hun Wu & Gwendolyn Mink
  105. The Next American Revolution: Sustainable Activism for the Twenty-First Century by Grace Lee Boggs
  106. 7 Forms of Respect: A Guide to Transforming Your Communication and Relationships at Work by Julie Pham, PhD
  107. The Death of Truth: Notes on Falsehoods in the Age of Trump by Michiko Kakutani
  108. The Woman Warrior: Memoirs of a Girlhood Among Ghosts by Maxine Hong Kingston
  109. America for Americans: A History of Xenophobia in the United States by Erika Lee
  110. Somewhere Inside: One Sister’s Captivity In North Korea and the Other’s Fight to Bring Her Home by Laura Ling & Lisa Ling
  111. Power Your Purpose: A Leader’s Guide to Creating a Better Life and a Better World by Shian Chuan 
  112. The Asian American Achievement Paradox by Jennifer Lee & Min Zhou 
  113. I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For: Now What? 21 Days to Confidence and Clarity by Dr. Sweta Chawla 
  114. Energize: Make the Most of Every Moment by Simon Alexander Ong 
  115. The Art of Gathering: How We Come Together and Why it Matters by Priya Parker 
  116. Breaking the Bamboo Ceiling: Career Strategies for Asians by Jane Hyun 
  117. Perfect Enough: How to Be Happier and More Productive by Letting Go of Perfectionism by Judy t. Dang
  118. The Wake Up: Closing the Gap Between Good Intentions and Real Change by Michelle MiJung Kim 
  119. The Loneliest Americans by Jay Caspian Kang 
  120. Why Not Me? By Mindy Kaling
  121. Healing Resistance: A RAdically Different Response to Harm by Kazu Haga 
  122. The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down by Haemin Sunim 
  123. Love For Imperfect Things: How to Accept Yourself in a World Striving for Perfectionism by Haemin Sunim 
  124. Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End by Atul Gawande
  125. When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi
  126. Bitter Fruit: The Politics of Korean-Black Conflict in New York City by Claire Jean Kim 
  127. Racial Melancholia, Racial Dissociation: On the Social and Psychic Lives of Asian Americans by David Eng 
  128. Authentic Inclusion: Drives Disruptive Innovation by Frances West
  129. Innovation Starts with I: Increase Your Influence. Ignite Your Impact. By Saleema Vellani
  130. Talk it Up! A Guide to Successful Public Speaking by Mr. David Suk Brown
  131. Conquering the Chaos by Ravi Venkatesan 
  132. Women Who Lead: Timeless Life, Career, and Business Secrets from Inspiring Women Around the World by Dr. Izdihar Jamil PhD
  133. The Confidence of Yes: How to Harness the Energy of Opportunity by Dr. Izdihar Jamil, PhD
  134. When Fish Fly: Lessons for Creating a Vital and Energized Workplace from the World Famous Pike Place Fish Market by John Yokoyama
  135. Woman on Top: The Art of Smashing Stereotypes and Breaking All the Rules by Loretta Chen
  136. Ma and Me by Putsata Reang
  137. Asian Women Trailblazers Who BossUp: Amazing women finding success and never looking back (Women Who BossUp) by Tam Luc, Daphne Kwok, Katie Chin, Sue Ann Hong, Jeanie Chang, Susan Go, Leslie Lew, Amy Le, Amy Wayng, Janan, Sarwar, Julie Tran, Cary Kwok, Claudi Chan, Sandy Kusano, Sabrina Li, Mihae Kim Stefani
  138. Women Who Lead: Life, Career, and Business Secrets from Inspiring Women Around the World by Dr. Izdihar Jamil, PhD
  139. Yes I Can!: 22 Success Secrets From Inspiring People Around the World Dr. Izdihar Jamil, PhD
  140. Permission to Come Home: Reclaiming Mental Health as Asian Americans by Jenny Wang
  141. You Cannot Resist Me When My Hair is In Braids by Frances Kai-Hwa Wang
  142. Making a Scene by Constance Wu
  143. A Living Remedy: A Memoir by Nicole Chung
  144. We Were Dreamers: An Immigrant Superhero Origin Story by Simu Liu
  145. My Life: Growing up Asian in America by CAPE (Coalition of Asian Pacifics Entertainment) and SuChin Pak
  146. Speak, Okinawa: A Memoir by Elizabeth Miki Brina 
  147. You Can’t Be Serious by Kal Penn
  148. Red Scarf Girl: A Memoir of the Cultural Revolution by Ji-li Jiang
  149. I Love Yous Are for White People: A Memoir by Lac Su
  150. Muslin Women Are Everything: Stereotype-Shattering Stories of Courage, Inspiration, and Adventure by Seema Yasmin and Fahmida Azim 
  151. Money Makers: The Easiest Way to Build A Business WITHOUT Paid Ads Or a Big Following by Dr. Izidihar Jamil, PhD
  152. It Is Done: 15 Secrets to Manifest Your Dream Life From Inspiring Entrepreneurs by Dr. Izdihar Jamil, PhD
  153. 13 Key Strategies to Make Money Fast in Business by Dr. Izdihar Jamil, PhD
  154. Yes I Can!: 5 Minute Guided Goal Setting Journal to Help You Hit Your Goals by Dr. Izdihar Jamil, PhD
  155. She Made It Happen by Dr. Izdihar Jamil, PhD
  156. Yes I Can!: 16 Success Secrets From Inspiring Women Around the World by Dr. Izdihar Jamil, PhD
  157. Heroes, Leaders and Legends – With Oprah & Jack Canfield by Dr. Izdihar Jamil, PhD
  158. Feisty – Dangerously Amazing Women Using Their Voices & Making an Impact by Dr. Izdihar Jamil, PhD
  159. Expert Profiles – Conversations with Influencers and Innovators by Dr. Izdihar Jamil, PhD
  160. Ambitious Women Rise by Dr. Izdihar Jamil, PhD
  161. The Art of Success in Business & Motherhood by Dr. Izdihar Jamil, PhD
  162. Another Appalachia: Coming Up Queer and Indian In a Mountain Place by Neema Avashia
  163. House of Sticks: A Memoir by Ly Tran
  164. What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma by Stephanie Foo 
  165. Stay True by Hua Hsu
  166. Naturally Tan by Tan France
  167. Good Talk by Mira Jacob
  168. ​​The Leader’s Guide to Unconscious Bias by Anne Chow
  169. Year of the Tiger: An Activist’s Life by Alice Wong
  170. The Magical Language of Others: A Memoir by E.J. Koh
  171. Savor: A Chef’s Hunger for More by Fatima Ali
  172. Go Back to Where You Came From: And Other Helpful Recommendations on How to Become American by Wajahat Ali
  173. Fatty Fatty Boom Bomm by Rabia Cuadry
  174. Asian American Histories of the United States by Catherine Ceniza Choy
  175. Like Water: A Cultural History of Bruce Lee by Daryl Joji Maeda
  176. Ma and Me: A Memoir by Putsata Reang
  177. The Monsoon Diaries: A Memoir by Calvin D. Sun 
  178. In Sensorium: Notes for My People by Tanaïs
  179. Love Your Asian Body: AIDS Activism in Los Angeles by Eric C. Wat
  180. Rise: A Pop History of Asian American from the Nineties to Now by Jeff Yang, Phil Yu, Philip Wang
  181. Wake Up: Closing the Gap Between Good Intentions and Real Change by Michelle Mijung Kim
  182. Falling Back in Love With Being Human: Letters to Lost Souls by Kai Cheng Thom
  183. The Karma of Success: Spiritual Strategies to Free Your Inner Genius by Liz Tran
  184. Mott Street: A Chinese American Family’s Story of Exclusion and Homecoming by Ava Chin
  185. Novelist as a Vocation by Haruki Murakami 
  186. The Power of Unwavering Focus by Dandapani
  187. Actions Speak Louder: A Step-By-Step Guide to Becoming an Inclusive Workplace by Deanna Singh
  188. My Money My Way: Taking Back Control of Your Financial Life by Kumiko Love
  189. Brave, Not Perfect: Celebrating Imperfection Helps You Live Your Best, Most Joyful Life by Reshma Saujani
  190. How to Speak Machine: Computational Thinking for the Rest of Us by John Maeda
  191. The Making of a Manager: What to Do When Everyone Looks At You by Julie Zhuo
  192. Brotopia: Breaking Up the Boys’ Club of Silicon Valley by Emily Chang

How to Become the Boss of Your Own Life

So much of what I learned about being the boss of my own life was from watching my parents, who founded the first privately-owned Vietnamese newspaper in the Pacific Northwest.

Here are 5 lessons I learned that can help you become the boss of your own life

Lesson 1: Love doing the work as much, if not more, than the product of the work itself.

We spend so much of our time doing the work. So, it’s really important that you enjoy the process and not just the outcome. I hear from some people that they are so relieved when the work is done and they dread starting to work again. That’s a bad sign. I am certain my father preferred the days preparing the newspaper more than the day the newspaper came out because by then, he was already thinking of the next issue. As for me, I started my own business so I could focus my energy on writing. I love the process of turning my original content into learning experiences.

Lesson 2: Choose who you work with, don’t do things alone.

This is easier to do when you are an entrepreneur versus when you are an employee. Working with people you collaborate well with can make a huge difference in terms of your effectiveness and feeling a sense of control over your life. For those of you who are entrepreneurs, remember, you get to choose. If you’re a manager and you have team members who you don’t think are a good fit, don’t feel guilty about letting them go. Even when you are an employee, be intentional about who you collaborate with. From the get-go, I knew I would work with a team (even if that meant paying them out of my own pocket). I knew that working with team members would enrich whatever I do. Even if you’re a solopreneur, you can choose your partners who help you serve your clients. Having collaborators keeps me accountable. I know we are working together on a shared purpose vs if I was working alone.

Lesson 3: With ups come downs, so be prepared to absorb the bumps financially.

A bad economic downturn can make you feel you’re really out of control. One way to prepare for possible downturns is by saving money. My experience of running the newspaper with my family during the 2008-2010 recession forever instilled in me a frugality that I carried even when I was an employee at well-resourced organizations. This enabled me to have the savings that gave me the financial freedom to invest in my own business. Save during the good times so you can weather the bad times. That approach helped me tolerate my significant losses in my second year of business. It also allows me to remain conservative despite significant gains as I enter my third year.

Lesson 4: Appreciate the value of freedom, and recognize the emotional cost of being micromanaged.

When I told my father I was going to leave my executive job at a remarkable nonprofit to start my own company in the middle of a pandemic, I was worried he would disapprove. Instead, he said, “I’m so happy for you. By having your own business, you are in control and you will have freedom.” I feel that now that I have my own company. Working for micromanagers in the past took a costly emotional toll on my confidence and sense of self-worth. So if you have a bad client, remember you can choose not to take their money. When you’re an employee, work for those who trust you and give you the freedom to do your job. 

Lesson 5: Ask for help, so you can be in control of what kind of help you get.

At the start of my business, I had some people offer to help me by introducing me to free work for their team. That was their idea of helping me, but it wasn’t what I needed. I learned to be very specific about the kind of referrals to potential clients I’d like to get and I even provided an introduction text to help people help me. When you’re the one asking, you can be more specific. Otherwise, you may just take what people offer to you instead of what you need.

Which of these lessons resonates with you the most to help you become the boss of your own life? I’d love for you to share your thoughts in the comments section. If this was helpful, please share it with a friend or post it on social media.

4 Common Misconceptions that Asians are Facing in the Workplace

As an Asian American, I’ve noticed that we face different assumptions from other racial groups. In the workplace, I’ve identified four common misconceptions that Asians are facing in the workplace that aren’t just held by non-Asian, but within our community as well. 

Here are 4 Common Misconceptions that Asians Face in the Workplace:

Misconception #1: Asians are all the same.

In the US, Asians come from over 20 countries in the East, Southeast, and Indian subcontinent. We’re not all Chinese. Included in that population are the pacific islanders and native Hawaiians.

Misconception #2: There are too many Asians in the workplace.

When there are more than a few of us, then there are too many of us. BeamJobs reported how this is particularly true in tech where Asians make up 29% of employees at the 35 largest tech companies. I remember seriously debating if I should bring on another team member who was Asian American on my already all-Asian team because I was worried people would think I only hired other people of Asian heritage. The impact is that some Asians can feel self-conscious and even guilty about taking up so much space, which can lead to Asians minimizing their presence and then perpetuating another stereotype of Asian silence.

Misconcpetion #3: Asians don’t “count” as people of color.

I believe Asians aren’t counted as “people of color” because that term is often conflated with those experiencing economic hardship who are entitled to aid. Therefore Asians, who have the highest median household income in King County, where I live, presumably don’t meet those criteria. For these reasons, there are Asian Americans who don’t see themselves as people of color. For Asians who do call ourselves “people of color,” we are compelled to remind others we are not white. The impact of this assumption is denying Asians experience racism in the workplace.

Misconception #4: Asians as the silent workhorses.

Asians are often described as “hard-working”. We are the silent workhorses. I am also guilty of holding this assumption. I have asked for help from Asian colleagues instead of non-Asian colleagues in off-hours because I think Asians are more likely to say yes.

Watch the Video Explainer

Which of these misconceptions that Asians are facing in the workplace have you unintentionally had? I’d love for you to share your thoughts in the comments section. If this was helpful, please share it with a friend or post it on social media.

6 Steps to Identify How You Feel Your Friends Should Treat You

We may have friends who don’t always treat us well, or might even hurt us, and we also have friends who treat us really well. We may instinctively know what we like or have an idea of how we feel friends should treat us, and yet most of us haven’t ever articulated it. Before we can ask people to treat us differently, we have to be really clear about how we want to be treated.

Here are six steps to help you identify how you feel your friends should treat you.

  1. Ask yourself who among your friends treat you well. I am fortunate I have a really long list of friends who have been amazingly supportive over the years.
  1. Write a list of examples of what these friends do for you. As I looked at the list of names, I thought about the specific things people did to support me. It could be text messaging me to check in, remembering my birthday, posting a photo of my book in an interesting place, etc.
  1. Analyze the list for themes and patterns and consolidate it to make the Iist shorter and more general. For example, you might have, “listens to me when I was feeling sad about losing my job” for one friend and for another friend, you wrote, “Listens to me when I was having health issues.” So the general theme here is someone who listens to you. For me, I have been really moved by all the acts of kindness from my friends. Every year, I design a different valentine card. This year, I decided to write out a list of all of these acts of kindness and highlight that particular ones people did. You can read my list here.
  1. Write a list of the friends who treat you badly. Oh, fortunately, this list is a lot shorter. People always listen. I’ve been in my life for a really long time and it’s more of legacy friendships out of habit. 
  1. Write a list of examples of what these friends do that hurt you. For me, they have unrealistic expectations of me.
  1. Analyze this list. Do you see something on the list that is the opposite of how you would like to be treated? Perhaps you should add that to your list of how you want to be treated. For example, you have a friend who constantly interrupts you. You can write, “Doesn’t  interrupt me when I’m talking.” For those of you who are familiar with the 7 Forms of Respect framework, you can even categorize how you want to be treated by the forms of respect. 

It’s so easy to say, “I want my friends to treat me better”, but “better” can mean different things to different people. We have to be specific about what we mean so there can be change. For example, one person might like it when other people buy them meals and another person might not like that because it feels condescending, as if their friends think they can’t afford to pay for their own meal. 

Also, let those friends who treat you well know you appreciate how they treat you and be specific with your examples. And next time you interact with the friends who hurt you, specify how you would like to be treated, referring to the list of examples from friends who treat you well. 

Watch the Explainer Video

If you need help specifying how you would like to be treated and respected, check out our free crash course, a 20-minute guide to asking for the respect you want.

Three Steps to Increase Your Empathy

“Can my empathy for others develop as my own life changes?” 

Empathy is about being able to share what others feel. Sympathy is understanding someone else is suffering. 

It’s easier to notice when other people lack empathy than to acknowledge that we may have less empathy than we think. Our ability to empathize can actually change as we get older. We can have less of it. 

Something that feels vulnerable to many people is asking for help. Unless we have to ask others for help, we usually won’t. The more power, wealth, and seniority we gain, the more we are shielded from having to ask. Over time, our ability to empathize with those who do have to ask for help fades. Instead of empathizing, we sympathize.

There are many people in this world who need help and who have to ask for it. When we ask others for help, we can deepen our ability to empathize with those who need help.

I often hear from friends wealthy friends who grew up poor that they worry about their children’s ability to empathize with those who don’t have as much. If you are in this predicament, you can teach your children how to ask for help. Teaching them how to help those who have less than them will teach them sympathy, not empathy.

Having empathy matters. Many studies show empathetic leaders are more effective at increasing trust, collaboration, and productivity. 

I share a three-step exercise I created to help people call forward experiences that will enable us to develop more empathy, at least around how vulnerable it can feel to ask for help out of need.

1) Think of what you’re going to ask for help.

The first step is to think of something you personally need. It could be something that would improve your life that you don’t have the resources for or that would be a financial hardship or great inconvenience. It could be asking for someone to take you to the doctor or lend you their vacation home or watch your pet.

This is not about asking for help on behalf of another individual or organization, like fundraising for a nonprofit. Also, this does not include sales transactions. Asking someone to compensate you for something that they will get value from is not the same as you asking for their help. 

You might be thinking “There’s nothing I want that I can’t get on my own” or “I don’t want anything that I can’t afford.” Then perhaps your ask is a “nice-to-have”, not a “must-have”.

Until you can think of something, you won’t be able to empathize with people who ask for help when they don’t want to.

2) Think of who you’re going to ask

  • Could fulfill your request directly, by  themselves
  • Might say no 
  • May change their opinion of you after you ask, whether good or bad
  • Is not in any way obligated or incentivized to say yes 

Don’t consider people who you think are likely to say “yes”. People who have said “yes” in the past or who offered to help you also don’t count. Don’t include people are financially incentivized or who might feel obligated to say yes to you. 

3) Make the ask 

The third step is to make the ask. Once you do that, you can draw from this experience as a source of empathy. 

I have to remind myself to practice this exercise too. I swallowed my pride recently when got invited to a VIP dinner. While I suspected it would be expensive, I still got sticker shock when I received the invoice. I was asked to make another contribution. I struggled over whether I should say something. Remembering this exercise, I decided to admit to the host, who I’ve never met, that I can’t afford the additional gift and asked her to waive the request. She did. 

It doesn’t matter what you’re asking for as long as you personally feel vulnerable. We all have different thresholds for what threatens to wound our pride. 

When we are able to acknowledge what help we need for ourselves, we’ll develop empathy and not just sympathize with others who ask for help.

Asking for help to build our empathy can’t be a theoretical exercise. You actually have to do it so that you can feel it.

Watch the Video Explainer


You might also be interested in reading my op-ed on “Learning to ask for help strengthens us as a community” in the Seattle Times.

How to Help People Get What They Need: Become a Resource Connector

Many people, including myself, want to be helpful, although oftentimes we cannot help others directly because we don’t have the exact resources they need. The second best thing is to help connect people to the resources they need with those who have the resources to give.

Years ago, I went to a conference where the keynote speaker talked about how Oprah doesn’t promote herself, she promotes other people. She’s constantly uplifting and recommending other people. And in that way, she is a connector. That lesson has stuck with me. I’ve been able to build an extensive network in Seattle. It’s because I’m always just trying to connect people to the resources they need and to the people they should get to know.

I realize that I don’t need to be the center and have all the answers and provide all the resources myself if I can just be someone who helps connect people. When I ran a cross-sector fellowship, we focused on helping people learn how to be resource connectors. We asked this question: “What is something that you want to give? What is something that you need?” What people shared was very powerful.

You can be a resource connector.

It requires seeing everyone as having resources and also having needs.

It doesn’t matter how little money or little time you think someone has. Everyone has something to offer. And everyone has needs. Sometimes what they need and what they have to offer are the same thing.

What you’re really doing is connecting the dots. It requires a lot of asking questions and listening to people.

Here are the 6 steps to becoming a resource connector:

  1. Ask people if they have any particular resource that they want to share with others. You can ask, “Is there anything you want me to spread the word about or any resource you have to share?” Oftentimes the thing they’re asking for help from is the same thing that they are offering. For example, they may need help spreading the word about a special program that they lead. They’re also offering the resource of their program. So you may not even need to ask them if they have something that they want to share because they may have answered it within their ask for help. Sometimes people don’t like to ask for help, so they will just frame it as something that they are offering. I remember talking to a coding school founder who wanted to help people with their career transitions into tech.
  1. Ask those same people, “Is there anything I can help you with? I might not be able to help you directly, though I might know someone who can.” Sometimes they only want to offer help and yet their offer of help is actually an ask. In this case, offering to teach coding is also an ask for help with recruiting students. 
  1. See if there’s anything that they need that is related to something someone else offered. As you talk to other people, look for opportunities to connect resources with the people who might be good candidates for them. For example, someone may say that they are looking for a way to learn how to code and you just met someone who runs a coding program and is looking for students.
  1. Before you make the connection, reaffirm with the person who is offering the resource that they are still offering it. So, I asked the coding school founder, “Are you still looking for students?” She was. 
  1. Make the connection. It can be as simple as an email. 
  1. Bonus: Follow-up and check on if a connection was made. Sometimes I find out that one party never replied and I might nudge the to reply. At the very least, I know who is good to follow through and who isn’t and who I should and shouldn’t make connections for in the future.

Your efforts will generate goodwill and perpetuate a spirit of generosity. When people are helped, they will want to help others. And even if it doesn’t turn out exactly as people hoped, they were further along than before. 

For example, I talked to a friend, “Alex”, who is looking for a job as a project manager at a biotech and then I asked another friend who founded biotech if he would be willing to chat with this friend. It turns out that he was looking for a project manager and he interviewed my friend for the role. Although it didn’t work out, my friend got a lot further than he would’ve before.

Watch the Video Explainer

17 Signs of Curious People (A Learn-It-All)

I haven’t met anyone who doesn’t want to think of themselves as a curious person and yet their know-it-all attitude suggests otherwise. Here are some signs of a learn-it-all, or those who practice curiosity regularly in their lives.

For three years, I ran a 6-month fellowship program. I noticed some people did really well and other people really struggled and it took me a while to figure out what differentiated the two. And then I landed on curiosity. By the third cohort, we started interviewing for that. Curiosity helps people persevere when times are difficult, it helps them be resourceful when facing a challenge, or to be empathetic to other people, because they want to know. 

There are some people who are so focused on getting to a particular outcome or result that they would be the naysayers and they didn’t wanna move forward. For the longest time, I thought curiosity was a trait. Now I think of it as a practice, because I realize that when you have more people on a team who are practicing curiosity, they can actually uplift the morale of everyone else. And when you have people who just care about the outcomes and not the process, then they can actually take down the morale. Here are some signs of someone who is a learn-it-all:

Here are the 17 signs of a learn-it-all:

  1. Is comfortable with not knowing all the answers, and admitting “I don’t know”
  2. Admits that they are not a perfectionist 
  3. Asks questions to clarify, not to show off how much they know
  4. Listens to understand, not respond
  5. Likes to try new things 
  6. Talks more about “learning” than about “knowing”
  7. Talks about what they want to learn, instead of what they want to accomplish or what the results are going to be
  8. When they talk about mistakes they’ve made, they talk about the lessons they learned, instead of talking about what they would’ve done to avoid those mistakes
  9. Has a diverse group of friends (However you can define “diversity”)
  10. Talks about the people that they learn from
  11. Reads books, listens to podcasts, or pursues hobbies that don’t have anything to do with their job or profession 
  12. Tries to learn things that they know there is a chance they might never excel at it
  13. Listens to different genres of music 
  14. Watches different genres of films 
  15. Reads both fiction and nonfiction 
  16. Looks up things to learn more, not to check if they were right or wrong
  17. Thinks more about the journey than the destination 

Now, you don’t have to have all these signs to be a learn-it-all. I certainly don’t. 

This is just the starter list. I’d love to hear your suggestions as well. I want to add to this list.

Watch the Video Explainer

Get Your Dream Job Through Volunteer Work

I’m a big believer in volunteering as a way to build your skills and eventually get your dream job. I got my real-life MBA when I was running my family’s newspaper. Aside from that job, I did a lot of volunteering on various boards that taught me how to sell, market, and publicize.  I remember when I interviewed for my first corporate job, which was in marketing, I was able to point to leading the Seattle chapter of the National Association of Asian American Professionals to place first in the nation in marketing.

There are many small nonprofit boards who need board members or committees that need volunteers. While this is skills-based volunteering, you don’t necessarily need the skills to do the work in the beginning. You just need to make the time and commitment to learn the skills.

It’s like getting an unpaid internship when you’re already a professional or you’ve already graduated. But not all volunteer opportunities are created equally. And just because a nonprofit needs you, they might not be a good fit for what you need. 

Here are 6 questions to ask to help you determine if this is a good opportunity or not:

1. Is this organization okay with me “learning on the job”? 

Some organizations think it’s too risky to have a volunteer do skills based work and others see it as a way to build capacity by having a pipeline of inexperienced volunteers they can train. Large and/or well staffed nonprofits might not take on volunteers. There are many small nonprofits that don’t have staff who will gladly take on skilled volunteers. I find that an ideal nonprofit to volunteer at is either a small one that has no staff, an organization that has been around for a while, or a bigger one that has some staff and a committed board. 

2. Are the people who I’m going to volunteer with willing to teach me and mentor me in exchange for my time?

Are the people who head the committee and board actually willing to mentor you? If they are too busy or they themselves are actually not skilled to teach you, then it’s not a good fit. I know someone who is going to become the treasurer of her HOA board of her condo building, even though she has no experience in finance. The outgoing treasurer is going to teach her how to read financial reports. This is a skill that usually people have to take classes to learn. When I was on the Celebrate Asia Seattle Symphony committee, I learned a lot about how to sell from founder, Yoshi Minegishi, who had been an executive at IBM. When I was later on marketing chair of NAAAP, where there was no one to teach me and no staff, I reached out to past board members who could guide me. The benefit to marketing was that there was an already established audience. I didn’t have to test those skills on my own. Even if you don’t have a mentor, if you have a platform, that’s still okay.

3. Are the other volunteers also committed?

For you to be able to learn, you have to be able to work with other people who are committed. Ask to sit in on a board meeting or a committee meeting to see how engaged the other volunteers are. Once I was invited to join a prestigious board of directors, and I went to a meeting and I saw how unprepared the board members were. I realize they were committed and that it wasn’t going to be a productive board if we were going to have to reset expectations at every board meeting, regardless of how prestigious the board was. So it’s really important that you find out if the other volunteers are committed. Otherwise, it’s not gonna be worth your time. Just ask to sit in on a board meeting or committee meeting and you’ll see.

4. Does the organization’s volunteer needs align with my interests? 

Skills-based volunteering can be a lot more time-consuming and frustrating, especially if you’re learning something new, than volunteering for just a few hours for a food drive or planting a garden. For example, you may want to learn how to sell and they need help on their fundraising committee. You can learn from the head of the fundraising committee on how to sell. If they just need someone to plan their event, and you have no interest in planning an event, then there is a mismatch. Or if you are an IT expert and the organization may need help with IT, and you want to do something different during your volunteer time, then there’s a mismatch. If you’re going to use volunteering to help you get your dream job by building skills, you have to be a bit selfish about what your learning goals are. They may need something that you don’t want to do. And it’s OK for you to say that. I know people who do bookkeeping for their day job and they don’t want to do it and they volunteer because they want to learn something new. And then there are other people who want to volunteer what they are already good at.

5. Is the organization responsive in its communications? 

Some organizations say they need help, but they are so swamped, they can’t even respond to volunteers. If you find that you are chasing them, then that’s a bad sign that they don’t have the capacity to actually work with volunteers. If they’re super responsive, that means they are organized and you don’t have to spend a lot of time chasing them down so that you can give your time. Many nonprofits are so small that they don’t even have someone to coordinate their volunteers. So if you email and you’re not getting a response within two weeks, that’s a bad sign. Yes, people are busy. But you can still be busy and say, “I’ll get back to you.” You don’t want to be chasing down opportunities to do free work.

6. Is there a clearly defined period of time that I will volunteer for?

Think of this volunteer gig like school. Find out how long you will be studying for. Is it going to be two years? Three years? Or do you work on a special project that will last just weeks or months? Maybe you’ll end up taking on multiple special projects and at the end of each project, you will decide to renew so you can learn more skills. Just have a clear idea of how long the term lasts so that you understand what you’re getting yourself into when you volunteer and you know that you are able to follow through with this commitment. We all want to give our time and what I see a lot of people saying they want to volunteer and then they flake. If you do decide to do skilled volunteering, know that people are counting on you and need you to get that work done and you should only commit to what you think you can follow through on. So get clear on how long the projects going to last or how long the commitment will be and ask yourself if you can actually give that time.

Bonus

Notice a question I haven’t posed is, “Am I going to support a cause that I care about personally?” It’s a bonus if you can find an organization that has a cause that you care about personally. However, if you are volunteering so that you can also learn new skills, I think it’s much more important for you to get yes for other questions. 

Volunteering is a really great way to build skills if you’re unemployed. Also, sometimes people are wary of hiring those who haven’t been working for a while. Volunteering shows that you’ve been doing something with your time, not just idling. Aside from all the skill building, you’re also building relationships and networks. I have hired people who volunteered with me. And I’ve been hired by those I volunteered with. It’s because they were able to actually see my work product. I gave them a lot more confidence in hiring me.

Watch the Video Explainer

Check out my other posts on 6 Tips on How to Get a Job You Love and 6 Tips on How to Make the Most of Informational Interviews When You’re Looking For A Job 

2023 Leadership Books Authored By Women

In honor of Women’s History Month, we created this list of books authored by people who identify as women. This list is meant to be a resource, not an official endorsement. The books are not ranked in any particular order.

2023-Leadership-Books-Authored-by-Women-2Download
  1. [Un]framing the “Bad Woman”: Sor Juana, Malinche, Coyolxauhqui, and other rebels with a cause by Alicia Gaspar de Alba
  2. #Not Your Princess: Voices of Native American Women by Lisa Charleyboy & Mary Beth Leatherdale
  3. #Values by Dr. Betty Uribe
  4. 101 Reasons to Get Out of Bed by Natasha Mine 
  5. 50 Billion Dollar Boss: African American Women Sharing Stories of Success in Entrepreneurship and Leadership by Kathey Porter
  6. A House of My Own: Stories From My Life by Sandra Cisneros
  7. A Mythic Life: Learning to live our greater story by Jean Houston
  8. A Passion for the Possible: A guide to realizing your true potential by Jean Houston
  9. A to Z: Your Navigator to Success by Chin-Ning Chu
  10. Abandon Me: Memoirs by Melissa Febos
  11. Act Like a Leader, Think Like a Leader by Herminia Ibarra
  12. After the Rain: Gentle Reminders for Healing, Courage, and Self-Love by Alexandra Elle
  13. Ain’t I a Woman: Black Women and Feminism by Bell Hooks 
  14. All Bout Love by Bell Hooks
  15. All In: An Autobiography by Billie Jean King
  16. All the Leader You Can Be by Suzanne Bates
  17. Almost a Woman by Esmerelda Santiago
  18. American Indian Stories by Zitkala-Sa
  19. And A Voice to Sing With: A Memoir by Joan Baez
  20. And Now We Are Going to Have a Party: Liner Notes to a Writer’s Early Life by Nicola Griffith 
  21. Annapurna: A Woman’s Place by Arlene Blum
  22. AOC: The Fearless Rise and Powerful Resonance of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortes by Lynda Lopez
  23. Apocalyptic Best Practices: A unique approach to fear and change by Dr. Elisebeth VanderWeil 
  24. As Long As Grass Grows: The Indigenous Fight for Environmental Justice, from Colonization to Standing Rock by Dina Gilio-Whitaker
  25. As We Have Always Done: Indigenous Freedom Through Radical Resistance by Leanne Betasamosake Simpson
  26. Ask For It: How women can use the power of negotiation to get what they really want by Linda Babcock & Sara Aslchever
  27. ASL Saved My Life… Until it Didn’t by Jenni Kleinman Berebitsky 
  28. Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience by Brene Brown
  29. Awakening Compassion at Work by Jane Dutton & Monica Worline
  30. Bad Indians: A Tribal Memoir by Debora Miranda
  31. Balancing Work and Life: The Nia Guide for Black Women by Sheryl Huggins & Cherly Mayberry McKissack
  32. Bamboozled: How God Tricked Me into the Life of My Dreams by Yvonne Orji
  33. Be Water, My Friend: The Teachings of Bruce Lee by Sharon Lee
  34. Becoming by Michelle Obama
  35. Believe Bigger: Discover the Path to Your Life Purpose by Marshawn Evans Daniels 
  36. Being Heumann: an unrepentant memoir of a disability rights activist by Judith E. Heumann
  37. Biased: Uncovering the hidden prejudice that shapes what we see, think, and do by Jennifer Eberhardt
  38. Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert
  39. Bird of Paradise: How I became a Latina by Raquel Cepeda
  40. Black Futures by Kimberly Drew, Jenna Wortham
  41. Black Indian: A memoir by Shonda Buchanan
  42. Black Power Inc.: The New Voices of Success by Cora Daniels
  43. Blaze Your Own Trail: An Interactive Guide to Navigating Life with Confidence, Solidarity, and Compassion by Rebekah Bastian
  44. Blood, Bones & Butter: The Inadvertent Education of a Reluctant Chef by Gabrielle Hamilton
  45. Blue Ocean Strategy by Renee Mauborgne
  46. Borderlands / La Frontera: The New Mestiz by Gloria Anzaldúa
  47. Boss Bride: The Powerful Woman’s Playbook for Love and Success by Charreah Jackson
  48. Boundaries by Maya Lin 
  49. Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous wisdom, scientific knowledge, and the teachings of plants by Robin Wall Kimmerer
  50. Branding Pays by Karen Kang
  51. Bridge Builders by Maria Keckler
  52. Bridges to Heal US: Stories and Strategies for Racial Healing by Erin Jones
  53. Brotopia: Breaking Up the Boy’s Club of Silicon Valley by Emily Chang
  54. Business as Unusual by Anita Roddick
  55. Caring: A feminine approach to ethics and moral education by Nel Noddings
  56. Climb: Taking Every Step with Conviction, Courage, and Calculated Risk to Achieve a Thriving Career and a Successful Life by Michelle Gadsden-Williams & Carolyn M. Brown
  57. Come into My Office: Stories from an HR Leader in Silicon Valley by Mai Ton
  58. Common Fire: Leading lives of commitment in a complex world by Sharon Parks, et. al.
  59. Confidence by Rosabeth Moss Kanter
  60. Courage: The Backbone of Leadership by Gus Lee & Diane Elliott-Lee
  61. Crazy Brave: A Memoir by Joy Harjo
  62. Critically Sovereign: Indigenous Gender, Sexuality, and Feminist Studies by Joanne Barker
  63. Crux: A cross-border memoir by Jean Guerrero
  64. Crying in H Mart: A Memoir by Michelle Zauner
  65. Dancing at the Edge of the World: thoughts on words, women, place by Ursula LeGuin
  66. Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts. by Brene Brown
  67. Darling, You Can’t Do Both by Janet Kestin & Nancy Vonk
  68. Dear Female Founder: 66 Letters of Advice from Women Entrepreneurs Who Have Made $1 Billion in Revenue by Lu Li
  69. Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets & Advice for Living Your Best Life by Ali Wong
  70. Disability Visibility: First-Person Stories from the Twenty-First Century by Alice Wong
  71. Disarm Your Limits: The flight formula to lift you to success and propel you to the next horizon by Jessica Cox
  72. Dog Flowers: A Memoir by Danielle Geller
  73. Double Down: Bet on Yourself and Succeed on Your Own Terms by Antionette M. Clarke, Tricia Clarke-Stone
  74. Dream Big by Deborah Rosado Shaw
  75. Dream in Color: How the Sánchez Sisters are Making History in Congress by Linda Sánchez
  76. Driven by Intention: Own Your Purpose, Gain Power, and Pursue Your Passion as a Woman at Work by Michelle Gadsden-Williams
  77. Drop the Ball: Achieving more by doing less by Tiffany Dufu
  78. Dwellings: A Spiritual History of the Living World by Linda Hogan
  79. Eat, Pray, Love: One woman’s search for everything across Italy, India, and Indonesia by Elizabeth Gilbert
  80. Edge: Turning Adversity Into Advantage by Laura Huang
  81. Elegy for a Disease: A Personal and Cultural History of Polio by Anne Finger
  82. Emergent Strategy: Shaping Change, Changing Worlds by adrienne maree brown
  83. Empress: The Astonishing Reign of Nur Jahan by Ruby Lal
  84. Enduring Conviction: Fred Korematsu and His Quest for Justice by Lorraine K. Bannai
  85. Engaging Emergence: Turning Upheaval into Opportunity by Peggy Holman
  86. Entrepreneurial You: Monetize Your Expertise, Create Multiple Income Streams, and Thrive by Dorie Clark
  87. Everybody’s Got Something by Robin Roberts & Veronica Chambers
  88. Expect to Win: Proven Strategies for Success From a Wall Street Vet by Carla A. Harris
  89. Extraordinary Bodies: Figuring Physical Disability in American Culture and Literature by Rosemarie Garland-Thomson
  90. Farmworker’s Daughter: Growing up Mexican American by Rose Castillo Guilbault
  91. Fault Lines: A Memoir by Meena Alexander
  92. Feeling Power: Emotions and education by Megan Boler
  93. Female Firebrands: Stories and Techniques to Ignite Change, Take Control, and Succeed in the Workplace by Mikaela Kiner
  94. Feminist Queer Crip by Alison Kafer
  95. Field Mice: Memoirs of a Migrant Child by Emma Gonzalez
  96. Fierce Conversations: Achieving success at work & in life, one conversation at a time by Susan Scott
  97. Find Another Dream by Maysoon Zayid
  98. Finding Beauty in a Broken World by Terry Tempest Williams
  99. Finding Latinx: In Search of the Voices Redefining Latino Identity by Paola Ramos
  100. Finding Me: A Memoir by Viola Davis
  101. Finding My Voice: My Journey to the West Wing and the Path Forward by Valarie Jarret
  102. Finding Our Way: Leadership for uncertain times by Margaret Wheatley
  103. Finding the Edge: My Life on the Ice by Karen Chen (sports)
  104. Force Majeure: A Futurist’s Guide to Boldly Thriving on Your Terms in the Future of Work by Dr. Terri Horton
  105. Frida by Barbara Mujica
  106. FutureProofed: How to Navigate Disruptive Change, Find Calm in Chaos, and Succeed in Work & Life by Natalia Peart
  107. Gathering Moss: A Natural and Cultural History of Mosses by Robin Wall Kimmerer
  108. Girl Code: Unlocking the Secrets to Success, Sanity, and Happiness for the Female Entrepreneur by Cara Alwill Leyba
  109. God is Red: A Native View of Religion by Vine deLoria, Jr.
  110. Great Asian Americans: Ellison Onizuka by Stephanie Cham
  111. Great Asian Americans: Michelle Kwan by Stephanie Cham
  112. Great Asian Americans: Patsy Mink by Stephanie Cham
  113. Great Asian Americans: Tammy Duckworth by Stephanie Cham
  114. Great Asian Americans: Yo-Yo Ma by Stephanie Cham
  115. Grit: The power of passion and perseverance by Angela Duckworth
  116. Groundswell by Charlene Li
  117. Haben: The deafblind woman who conquered Harvard Law by Haben Girma
  118. Hawaii’s Story by Liliuokalani 
  119. Heart Berries by Terese Marie Mailhot
  120. Heart of Fire: An Immigrant Daughter’s Story by Mazie K. Hirono 
  121. Hermanas: Deepening our identity and growing our influence by Natialia Kohn Rivera
  122. Hidden Figures: The American Dream and the Untold Story of the Black Women Mathematicians Who Helped Win the Space Race by Margot Lee Shetterly
  123. Hiding in the Bathroom: An Introvert’s Roadmap to Getting Out There by Morra Aarons-Mele
  124. Hispanic Women Seeking Higher Leadership Roles in Business by Syliva C. Motta, PhD
  125. Hood Feminist: Notes from the Women that a Movement Forgot by Mikki Kendall
  126. Hot Sports by Lynda Gratton
  127. How Remarkable Women Lead: The Breakthrough Model for Work and Life by Joanna Barsh
  128. How to Get Stupid White Men Out of Office: The Anti-Politics, Un-Boring Guide to Power by adrienne maree brown 
  129. How to Raise a Feminist Son: Motherhood, Masculinity, and the Making of My Family by Sonora Jha
  130. How to Wow by Francsis Cole Jones
  131. How Women Rise: Break the 12 habits holding you back from your next raise, promotion, or job by Sally Helgesen (& Marshall Goldsmith)
  132. Humor, Seriously: Why Humor is a Secret Weapon in Business and Life by Jennifer Aaker & Naomi Bagdonas
  133. Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body by Roxane Gay
  134. I Am Schizophrenic: Poetry from a beautiful brain by Kerenza Ryan
  135. I Got This: To Gold and Beyond by Lauren Hernandez
  136. I Love a Broad Margin to My Life by Maxine Hong Kingston 
  137. I Shouldn’t Be Telling You This: How to Ask for the Money, Snag the Promotion, and Create the Career You Deserve by Kate White
  138. I’d Rather Be In Charge by Charlotte Beers
  139. I’m Judging You: The do-better manual by Luvvie Ajayi
  140. I’m the One That I Want by Margaret Cho 
  141. In a Different Voice: Psychological theory and women’s development by Carol Gilligan
  142. In Search of Our Mothers’ Gardens: Womanist prose by Alice Walker
  143. In the Company of Women: Inspiration and Advice from over 100 Makers, Artists, and Entrepreneurs by Grace Bonney
  144. In the Country We Love: My Family Divided by Diane Guerrero
  145. In The Dream House: A Memoir by Carmen Maria Machado
  146. In the Shadow of the Eagle: A Tribal Representative in Maine by Donna M. Loring
  147. In-N-Out Burger: A Behind-the-Counter Look at the Fast-Food Chain That Breaks All the Rules by Stacy Perman
  148. Inclusion on Purpose: An Intersectional Approach to Creating of Culture of Belonging at Work by Ruchika Tulshyan
  149. Inclusion Revolution: The Essential Guide to Dismantling Racial Inequity in the Workplace by Daisy Auger-Dominguez
  150. Inclusion: Diversity, the New Workplace, & The Will To Change by Jennifer Brown
  151. Invent It, Sell It, Bank It!: Make Your Million-Dollar Idea into a Reality by Lori Greiner
  152. Inventing Latinos: A New Story of American Racism by Laura E. Gómez
  153. Isabel’s Hand-Me-Down Dreams by Isabel Lopez
  154. It Takes Moxie by Maureen Francisco
  155. It’s About Damn Time by Arlan Hamilton
  156. It’s About Time: The Art of Choosing the Meaningful Over the Urgent by Valorie Burton
  157. It’s Not Rocket Science: 7 Game Changing Traits for Uncommon Success by Mary Spio
  158. Journey to the Future: A Roadmap for Success for Youth by Ltc. Consuelo Castillo Kickbusch
  159. Just as I am by Cicely Tyson
  160. Key to Yourself by Dr. Venice Bloodworth
  161. Know What Makes Them Tick: How to successfully negotiate almost any situation by Shonda Rhimes
  162. Know Your Value: Women, Money, and Genting What You’re Worth by Mika Brzezinski
  163. Lakota Woman by Mary Brave Bird
  164. Latina Empowerment Through Leadership: Mindful Stories from Inspiring Women by Catherine Munos Garces, Monica Rivera, et al
  165. Latinas in Aviation by Jacqueline S. Ruiz
  166. Latinas Rising Up in HR: Inspirational Stories of Human Resources Professionals Leading, Thriving, and Breaking Barriers by Priscilla Guasso
  167. Latinos in American Society: Families and Communities in Transition by Dr. Ruth Enid Zambrana
  168. Lead from the Outside: How to Build Your Future and Make Real Change by Stacey Abrams
  169. Leadership and the New Science: Discovering Order in a Chaotic World by Margaret Wheatley
  170. Leadership the Eleanor Roosevelt Way: Timeless strategies from the first lady of courage by Robin Gerber
  171. Leading by My Ponytail by Karen M. Walker & Judy Ducharme
  172. Leading So People Will Follow by Erika Andersen
  173. Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg
  174. Leapfrog: The New Revolution for Women Entrepreneurs by Nathalie Molina Niño
  175. Leaving Isn’t the Hardest Thing: Essays by Lauren Hough
  176. Leaving Little Havana: A Memoir of Miami’s Cuban Ghetto by Cecilia M. Fernandez
  177. Legal Heroes in the Trump Era: Be Inspired. Expand Your Impact. Change the World. by Tahmina Watson (lawyer, writer)
  178. Life in Motion: An Unlikely Ballerina by Misty Copeland
  179. Limitless: The Power of Hope and Resilience to Overcome Circumstances by Mallory Weggemann 
  180. Little Black Book: A Toolkit for Working Women by Otegha Uwagba 
  181. Living for Change by Grace Boggs
  182. Love, Loss, and What We Ate: A Memoir by Padma Lakshmi 
  183. Mad at School: Rhetorics of Mental Disability and Academic Life by Margaret Price
  184. Madame Wu Chien-shiung: The First Lady Of Physics Research by Tsai-chien Chiang
  185. Marbles: Mania, Depression Michelangelo, and Me by Ellen Forney
  186. Martina by Martina Navratilova
  187. Mean by Myriam Gurba
  188. Men Explain Things to Me by Rebecca Solnit
  189. Men We Reaped: A Memoir by Jesmyn Ward
  190. Mexican Enough: My Life Between the Borderlines by Stephanie Elizondo Griest
  191. Million Dollar Women: The Essential Guide for Female Entrepreneurs Who Want to Go Big by Julia Pimsleur
  192. Mindset: The new psychology of success by Carol Dweck
  193. Minor Feelings: An Asian American Reckoning by Cathy Park Hong
  194. Miss Jessie’s: Creating a Successful Business From Scratch — Naturally by Micho Branch
  195. More Myself: A Journey by Alicia Keys
  196. More than Enough: Claiming Space for Who You Are (No Matter What They Say) by Elaine Welteroth
  197. More Than Pretty: Doing the Soul Work that Uncovers Your True Beauty by Erica Campbell
  198. More than Ready: Be Strong and Be You… and Other Lessons for Women of Color on the Rise by Cecilia Muñoz
  199. Multipliers: How the best leaders make everyone smarter by Liz Wiseman
  200. Muscogee Daughter: My sojourn to the Miss America Pageant by Susan Supernaw
  201. My (Underground) American Dream: My True Story as an Undocumented Immigrant Who Became a Wall Street Executive by Julissa Arce
  202. My Beloved World by Sonia Sotomayor
  203. My Life in Full: Work, Family, and Our Future by Indra Nooyi (business)
  204. My Life: Queen of the Court by Serena Williams
  205. My Own Words by Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Mary Hartnett, Wendy Williams
  206. My Time to Speak: Reclaiming Ancestry and Confronting Race by Ilia Calederon
  207. Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office: Unconscious Mistakes Women Make that Sabotage Their Careers by Lois P. Frankel, PhD
  208. Night Flying Woman: An Ojibway Narrative by Ignatia Broker
  209. Nimble, Focused, Feisty: Organizational Cultures that Win in the New Era and How to Create Them by Sara Roberts
  210. Nisei Radicals: The Feminist Poetics and Transformative Ministry of Mitsuye Yamada and Michael Yasutake by Diane C. Fujino
  211. Nooping: The Cure for White Ladies by Leanne Betasamosake Simpson
  212. Notorious BIG: The Life and Times of Ruth Bader Ginsburg by Irin Carmon & Shana Knizhnik
  213. Octavia’s Brood: Science Fiction from Social Justice Movements by adrienne maree brown
  214. Once I Was You: A Memoir of Love and Hate in a Torn America by María Hinojosa
  215. One Life by Megan Rapinoe & Emma Brockes 
  216. Open Leadership by Charlene Li
  217. Option B by Sheryl Sandberg
  218. Own It: The Power of Women at Work by Sallie Krawcheck
  219. Own Your Phenomenal Self: A Guide on Character, Success, & Leadership by Rita P. Mitchell
  220. Perfectly You: Embracing the Power of Being Real by Mariana Atencio
  221. Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good by adrienne maree brown
  222. Poet Warrior: A Memoir by Joy Harjo
  223. Portage Lake: Memories of an Ojibwe Childhood by Maude Kegg
  224. Postcolonial Leadership, A: Asian Immigrant Christian Leadership and Its Challenges by Hee An Choi
  225. Power Moves: How Women Can Pivot, Reboot, and Build a Career of Purpose by Lauren McGoodwin
  226. Presence: Bringing your boldest self to your biggest challenges by Amy Cuddy
  227. Pressure is a Privilege: Lessons I’ve Learned from Life and the Battle of the Sexes by Billie Jean King
  228. Presumed Incompetent: The Intersections of Race and Class for Women in Academia by Gabriella Gutiérrez y Muhs, Yolanda Flores Niemann, Carmen G. González
  229. Professional Troublemaker: The Fear-Fighter Manual by Luvvie Ajayi Jones
  230. Profit from the Positive by Senia Maymin & Margaret H. Greenberg
  231. Purpose Driven Leadership: Building and fostering effective teams by Brigette Tasha Hyacinth
  232. Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain
  233. Radical: Fighting to Put Students First by Michelle Rhee 
  234. Radical Candor: Be a kick-ass boss without losing your humanity by Kim Scott
  235. Radical Dharma: Talking Race, Love and Liberation by Rev Angel Kyodo Williams
  236. Reality Is Broken: Why games make us better and how they can change the world by Jane McGonigal
  237. Recovering the Sacred: The power of naming and claiming by Winona LaDuke
  238. Redefining Realness: My Path To Womanhood, Identity, Love & So Much More by Janet Mock
  239. Representation Matters: How Victory Fund, Victory Institute, and LGBT Leaders are Transforming America by Karen Ocamb
  240. Reset: My Fight for Inclusion and Lasting Change by Ellen Pao
  241. Resonate by Nancy Duarte
  242. Right Within: How to Heal From Racial Trauma in the Workplace by Minda Harts
  243. Rising Strong: How the ability to reset transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead by Brene Brown
  244. Rising to the Challenge, My Leadership Journey by Carly Fiorina
  245. Rita Moreno: A Memoir by Rita Moreno
  246. ROAR: How to Build a Resilient Organization by Sandy Asch
  247. Rookie Smarts by Liz Wiseman
  248. Run: Lessons in Leadership for Women Changing the World by Stephanie Schriock & Christina Reynolds
  249. Salsa, Soul, and Spirit: Leadership for a multicultural age by Juana Bordas
  250. See No Stranger: A Memoir and Manifesto of Revolutionary Love by Valarie Kaur
  251. Self Made: Becoming Empowered, Self Reliant and Rich in Every Way by Nely Galán
  252. Seriously…I’m Kidding by Ellen Degeneres
  253. Serving in Silence by Margarethe Cammermeyer
  254. Show Your Work by Jane Bozarth
  255. Show Your Worth: 8 Intention Strategies for Women to Emerge as Leaders at Work by Shelmina Babai Abji
  256. Silencing Gender, Age, Ethnicity and Cultural Biases in Leadership by Camilla A. Montoya, Julieta V. García. et al.
  257. Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story by Jacob Tobia
  258. Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches by Audre Lorde
  259. Sitting Pretty: The View from My Ordinary Resilient Disabled Body by Rebekah Taussig
  260. Slide-ology by Nancy Duarte
  261. Small Doses: Potent Truths for Everyday Use by Amanda Seales
  262. Small Victories: Spotting Improbable Moments of Grace by Anne Lamott
  263. So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo
  264. Speedbumps: Flooring it through Hollywood by Teri Garr
  265. Stand Out: How to find your breakthrough idea and build a following around it by Dorie Clark
  266. Staring: How We Look by Rosemarie Garland-Thomson
  267. Still Life with Rice by Helie Lee
  268. Strategize to Win: The New Way to Star Out, Step Up, or Start Over in Your Career by Carla Harris
  269. Successful Women Think Differently: 9 Habits to Make You Happier, Healthier & More Resilient by Valorie Burton
  270. Surviving Autocracy by Masha Gessen
  271. Swimming with Sharks in Dark Waters by Athene Brinson
  272. Take Charge of your Brand: Quick and simple techniques to help you own and manage your personal brand for professional and personal success by Guisselle Nuñez
  273. Teaching to Transgress: Education as the practice of freedom by Bell Hooks
  274. Thanks for the Feedback by Sheila Heen & Douglas Stone
  275. That’s What She Said: What Men Need to Know (And Women Need to Tell Them) About Working Together by Joanne Lipman
  276. The 100 Year Life by Lynda Gratton
  277. The 1619 Project: A New Origin Story by Nikole Hannah-Jones
  278. The 9 Steps to Financial Freedom: Practical and Spiritual Steps So You Can Stop Worrying by Suze Orman
  279. The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why it Matters by Priya Parker
  280. The Black Widow’s Guide to Killer Pool: Become the Player to Beat by Jeanette Lee 
  281. The Book of Awesome Black Americans: Scientific Pioneers Trailblazing Entrepreneurs, Barrier-Breaking Activists and AFro-Futurists by Monique jones
  282. The Buena Salud Guide to Understanding Depression and Enjoying Life by Jane Delgado
  283. The Change Masters by Rosabeth Moss Kanter
  284. The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance – What Women Should Know by Katty Kay & Claire Shipman
  285. The Confidence Game by Maria Konnikova
  286. The Cooked Seed: A Memoir by Anchee Min
  287. The Disability Experience: Working Toward Belonging by Hannalora Leavitt
  288. The Diversity Advantage: Fixing Gender Inequality In The Workplace by Ruchika Tulshyan
  289. The Education of an Idealist: A Memoir by Samantha Power
  290. The End of Competitive Advantage by Rita Gunther McGrath
  291. The Far Away Brothers: Two young migrants and the making of an American life by Lauren Markham
  292. The Gloria Anzaldúa Reader (Latin America Otherwise) by Gloria Anzaldua
  293. The Hill We Climb by Amanda Gorman
  294. The Holly Woodlawn Story: A Low Life in High Heels by Holly Woodlawn
  295. The Holy Intimacy of Strangers by Sarah York
  296. The Injustice Never Leaves You: Anti-Mexican Violence in Texas by Monica Muñoz Martinez
  297. The Latina Guide to Health: Consejos and Caring Answers by Jane Delgado
  298. The Leadership Shift: The Strategic Positioning of Latino Business Leaders by Dr. Nilda Perez
  299. The Likeability Trap: How to Break Free and Succeed As You Are by Alicia Menendez
  300. The Little Black Book of Success: Laws of Leadership for Black Women by Elaine Meryl Brown; Marsha Haygood; Angela Burt-Murray
  301. The Making of a Manager: What to Do When Everyone Looks To You by Julie Zhuo
  302. The Man Without a Face: The Unlikely Rise of Vladimir Putin by Masha Gessen
  303. The Memo: What Women of Color Need to Know to Secure a Seat at the Table by Minda Harts
  304. The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl by Issa Rae
  305. The Moonshot Effect by Kate Purmal & Lisa Goldman
  306. The New IT: How Technology are Enabling Business Strategy in the Digital Age by Jill Dyche
  307. The New Social Learning by Marcia Conner
  308. The Next Generation of Women Leaders: What You Need to Lead but Won’t Learn in Business School by Selena Rezvani
  309. The No Club: Putting a Stop to Women’s Dead End-Work by Linda Babcock, Brenda Peyser, Lise Vesterlund, and Laurie Weingart
  310. The Obsessive Joy of Autism by Julia Bascom
  311. The One Week Budget by Tiffany Aliche
  312. The Power of Latino Leadership: Culture, inclusion, and contribution by Juana Bordas
  313. The pretty one: on life, pop culture, disability, and other reasons to fall in love with me by Keah Brown
  314. The Race Whisperer: Barack Obama and the political uses of race by Melanye Price
  315. The Road to Someplace Better: From the Segregated South to Harvard Business School and Beyond by Lillian Lincoln Lambert
  316. The Sacred Hoop: Recovering the Feminine in American Indian Traditions by Paula Gunn Allen
  317. The School Days of an Indian Girl, and an Indian Teacher Among Indians by Zitkala-Sa
  318. The Shift by Lynda Gratton
  319. The Signals are Talking by Amy Webb
  320. The Silent Master: Awakening the Power Within by Tae Yun Kim 
  321. The Soul of a Woman by Isabel Allende
  322. The Tao of Raven: An Alaska Native Memoir by Ernestine Hayes
  323. The Death and Life of Great American Cities by Jane Jacobs
  324. The Transformational Consumer: Fuel a lifelong love affair with your customers by helping them get healthier, wealthier, and wiser by Tara-Nicholle Nelson
  325. The Truths We Hold: An American Journey by Kamala Harris
  326. The Turquoise Ledge by Leslie Silko
  327. The Undocumented Americans by Karla Conejo Villavicencio
  328. The Virtuous Circle: Restore Your Confidence, Bounce Back, and Emerge Stronger by Gaby Natale
  329. The White Album by Joan Didion
  330. The World I Live In by Helen Keller
  331. Thick Face, Black Heart: The warrior philosophy for conquering the challenges of business and life by Chin-Ning Chu
  332. Think Like a Negotiator by Eldonna Lewis Fernandez
  333. Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a Life of Well-Being, Wisdom, and Wonder by Arianna Huffington
  334. Too Late to Die Young: Nearly True Tales from a Life by Harriet McBryde Johnson
  335. Truth or Dare: Encounters with power, authority, and mystery by Starhawk
  336. Unfinished Business by Anne-Marie Slaughter
  337. Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships: Decoding social mysteries through autism’s unique perspectives by Temple Grandin
  338. Upper Hand: The Future of Work for the Rest of Us by Sherrell Dorsey
  339. Waist-High in the World: A Life Among the Nondisabled by Nancy Mairs
  340. We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
  341. We Will Not Cancel Us by adrienne maree brown
  342. Weapons of Math Destruction by Cathy O’Neil
  343. Werk 101: Get Your Life Together Guide by Koereyelle DuBose
  344. What I Know for Sure by Oprah Winfrey
  345. What Will it Take to Make a Woman President? by Marianne Schnall
  346. When I Was Puerto Rican by Esmeralda Santiago
  347. When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron
  348. Where the Past Begins: Memory and Imagination by Amy Tan 
  349. Whiteness Visible: The meaning of whiteness in American literature and culture by Valerie Babb
  350. Wiping the War Paint off the Lens: Native American Film and Video by Beverly Singer
  351. Wishful Drinking by Carrie Fisher
  352. WOLFPACK: How to Come Together, Unleash Our Power, and Change the Game by Abby Wambach
  353. Women and Leadership: Real Lives, Real Lessons by Julia Gillard & Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala
  354. Women of Color in Tech: A Blueprint for Inspiring and Mentoring the Next Generation of Technology Innovators by Susanne Tedrick
  355. Women’s Ways of Knowing: The development of self, voice, and mind by Mary Field Belenky, et. al.
  356. Year of Yes: How to dance it out, stand in the sun, and be your own person by Shonda Rhimes
  357. You Are a Mogul: How to Do the Impossible, Do It Yourself, and Do It Now by Tiffany Pham
  358. Your Next Level Life: 7 Rules of Power, Confidence, and Opportunity for Black Women in America by Karen Arrington
  359. The Color of Courage: Crushing Racism in Corporate America by Cindi Bright
  360. The Extraordinary Power of Leader Humility: Thriving Organizations – Great Results by Marilyn Gist, PhD
  361. 7 Forms of Respect: A Guide to Transforming Your Communication and Relationships at Work by Julie Pham, PhD
  362. Power Your Purpose: A Leader’s Guide to Creating a Better Life and a Better World by Sian Chuan
  363. Somebody’s Daughter: A Memoir by Ashley C. Ford
  364. Red Paint: The Ancestral Autobiography of a Coast Salish Punk by Sasha LaPointe
  365. Black and Blue: A Memoir of Racism and Resilience by  Veronica Gorrie
  366. Spílexm: A Weaving of Recovery, Resilience, and Resurgence by Nicola I. Campbell
  367. White Magic by Elissa Wshuta
  368. An Indian Among Los Indígenas: A Native Travel Memoir by Ursula Pike
  369. Carry: A Memoir of Survival on Stolen Land by Toni Jensen
  370. A Mind Spread Out on the Ground by Alicia Elliott
  371. Native American DNA by Kim TallBear
  372. Raising Ourselves: A Gwitch’in Coming of Age Story from the Yukon River by Velma Wallis
  373. Blonde Indian: an Alaska Native Memoir by Ernestine Hayes
  374. Cormorant Hunter’s Wife by Joan Naviyuk Kane
  375. Roughly for the North by Carrie Ayagduk Ojanen
  376. Tales of Ticasuk: Eskimo Legends & StoriesT by Ticasuk Emily Ivanoff Brown
  377. Our Brave Foremothers: Celebrating 100 Black, Brown, Asian & Indigenous Women Who Changed the Course of History by Rozella Kennedy
  378. Black Fatigue: How Racism Erodes the Mind, Body, and Spirit by Mary-Francis Winters
  379. Year of Yes: How to Dance it Out, Stand in the Sun, and Be Your Own Person by Shonda Rhimes
  380. How Boards Work and How They Can Work Better in a Chaotic World by Dambisa Moyo
  381. Chasing Youth Culture and Getting it Right: How Your Business Can Profit by Tapping Today’s Most Powerful Trendsetters and Tastemakers by Tina Wells
  382. Unapologetically Ambitious: Take Risks, Break Barriers, and Create Success on Your Own Terms by Shellye Archambeau
  383. The Rise: Creativity, the Gift of Failure, and the Search for Mastery by Sarah Lewis
  384. Black Entrepreneur Survival Guide: The complete guide to becoming a successful African American entrepreneur by Dunneille D. Anderson
  385. CEO of My Soul: The Self-Love Journey of a Small Business Owner by Nic Cober Esquire
  386. Success Never Smelled So Sweet: How I Followed My Nose and Found My Passion by Lisa Price & Hilary Beard
  387. We Should All Be Millionaires: A Woman’s Guide to Earning More, Building Wealth, and Gaining Economic Power by Rachel Rodgers
  388. 9 Laws of Success: Attracting the Life, Love, Health & Success You Want! by Stormy Wellington
  389. Self-Esteem is the New Black: How to become the confident woman you have always wanted to be! by Monique Mays
  390. Get Good with Money: Ten Simple Steps to Becoming Financially Whole by Tiffany “The Budgetnista” Aliche
  391. How We Show Up: Reclaiming Family, Friendship, and Community by Mia Birdsong
  392. Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay
  393. Eloquent Rage: A Black Feminist Discovers Her Superpower by Brittney Cooper
  394. Mom and Me and Mom by Maya Angelou
  395. The Black Woman Millionaire: A Revolutionary Act that DEFIES Impossible by Dr. Venus Opal Reese
  396. When the Miracle Drops: How Instagram Helped Turn a Quick Fix Into a Million-Dollar Product by Jessica Dupart
  397. The Path Made Clear: Discovering Your Life’s Direction and Purpose by Oprah Winfrey
  398. Mental Detox: The Power and Guidance to Implement Peace, Joy, Balance, and Financial Abundance in Your Life by Cheyenne Bryant
  399. Quantam Leaps: 10 Steps to Help You Soar by Gloria Mayfield Bangs
  400. Meaty: Essays by Smantha Irby
  401. Where You Are is Not Who You Are by Ursula Burns
  402. Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A guide to reclaiming yourself by Nedra Glover Tawwab
  403. I’m Not Yelling by Elizabeth Leiba 
  404. Responsible Marketing by Lola Bakare 
  405. The Urgent Life by Bozoma Saint John 
  406. Feeding the Soul by Tabitha Brown
  407. Hurdles in the Dark by Elvira K. Gonzalez
  408. In the Shadow of the Mountain: A Memoir of Courage by Silvia Vasquez-Lavado
  409. Through the Dark by Yolanda Nava
  410. Thriving in the Fight: A Survival Manual for Latinas on the Front Lines of Change by Denise Padin Collazo
  411. Justice & Space Matter in a Strong, Unified Latino Community by Kathy Bussert-Web, Maria Eugenia Diaz, Krystal A Yanez
  412. Breaking Ground and Barriers: Hispanic Women Developing Effective Leadership by Gloria Bonilla-Santiago, Ph.D.
  413. Latinization and the Latino Leader: How to Value, Develop, and Advance Latino Professionals by Cristina Benitez & Marlene Gonzalez
  414. Latino and Latina Leaders of the 21st Century: Ordinary Beginnings, Extraordinary Outcomes by Kay (Kayla) S. Garcia
  415. Latina Empowerment Through Leadership: Mindful Stories from Inspiring Women by Catherine Munoz-Garces, Monica Rivera, Lizza Monet Morales, Celia Garcia, Veronica Corona, Maggie Antillon Mathews, Roxana Damas, and Jennifer Ibarra
  416. The More or Less Definitive Guide to Self Care by Anna Borges
  417. Act Like a Leader, Think Like a Leader by Hermina Ibarra
  418. You Don’t Have to Like Me: Essays on Growing Up, Speaking Out, and Finding Feminism by Alida Nugent
  419. Demystifying Disability: What to Know, What to Say, and How to Be an Ally by Emily Ladau
  420. Year of the Tiger: An Activists Life by Alice Wong
  421. What Doesn’t Kill You: A Life with Chronic Illness – Lessons from a Body in Revolt by Tessa Miller
  422. Resistance and Hope: Essays by Disabled People edited by  Alice Wong
  423. A Face for Picasso: Coming of Age with Crouzon Syndrome b: Ariel Henley
  424. Just Human: The Quest for Disability Wisdom, Respect, and Inclusion by Arielle Silverman, PhD
  425. How I See It: A Personal and Historical View of Disability by H Penny Mishkin
  426. Successful to Burnt Out: Experiences of Women on the Autism Spectrum by Karletta Abianac
  427. Why Not Me? by Mindy Kaling
  428. Not a Poster Child: Living Well with a Disability – A Memoir by Francine Falk-Allen
  429. Not a Poster Child: Living Well with a Disability – A Memoir by Francine Falk-Allen
  430. My Body is Not a Prayer Request: Disability Justice in the Church by Amy Kenny
  431. More the Same than Different: What I Wish People Knew About Respecting and Including People with Disabilities by Lorraine Cannistra
  432. Glue: How Project Leaders Create Cohesive, Engaged, High-Performing Teams by Anh Dao Pham
  433. Thick Face, Black Heart: The warrior philosophy for conquering the challenges of business and life by Chin-Ning Chu
  434. Uplifted: Journeys of Abundance, Community, and Identity by Geena Chen
  435. Sheer Determination: Swimming Upstream in a Downstream World by Kay Hirai
  436. Fierce and Fearless: Patsy Takemoto Mink, First Woman of Color in Congress by Judy Tzu-Chun Wu & Gwendolyn Mink
  437. The Next American Revolution: Sustainable Activism for the Twenty-First Century by Grace Lee Boggs
  438. The Death of Truth: Notes on Falsehood in the Age of Trump by Michiko Kakutani
  439. The Woman Warrior: Memoirs of a Girlhood Among Ghosts by Maxine Hong Kingston
  440. America for Americans: A History of Xenophobia in the United States by Erika Lee
  441. Somewhere Inside: One Sister’s Captivity in North Korea and the Other’s Fight to Bring Her Home by Laura Ling & Lisa Ling
  442. I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For: Now What? 21 Days to Confidence and Clarity by Dr. Sweta Chawla
  443. The Asian American Achievement Paradox by Jennifer Lee, Min Zhou
  444. The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why it Matters by Priya Parker
  445. Breaking the Bamboo Ceiling: Career Strategies for Asians by Jane Hyun
  446. Perfect Enough: How to be happier and more productive by letting go of perfectionism by Judy T. Dang
  447. The Wake Up: Closing the Gap Between Good Intentions and Real Change by Michelle Mijung Kim
  448. Innovation Starts With I: Increase Your Influence. Ignite Your Impact. by Saleema Vellani
  449. Unapologetically Ambitious: Take Risks, Break Barriers, and Create Success on Your Own Terms by Shellye Archambeau
  450. Sound Is Not Enough: The Art of Captioning for Universal Access by Svetlana Kouznetsova
  451. I’m Speaking: Every Woman’s Guide for Finding Your Voice and Using It Fearlessly by Jessica Doyle-Mekkes
  452. Insight by Tasha Eurich
  453. Build your dream team: Leadership based on a passion for people by Candela Iglesis
  454. Conversational Intelligence: How great leaders build trust and get extraordinary results by Judith Glaser
  455. Dare to Inspire by Allison Holzer
  456. Disrupt it Yourself by Simone Ahuja
  457. Disrupters: Success strategies from women who break the mold by: Patti Fletcher
  458. Fearless Growth by Amanda Setili
  459. Managing Up by Mary Abbajay
  460. Power Your Tribe by Christine Comaford
  461. Teaming: How organizations learn, innovate and compete in the knowledge economy by Amy Edmondson
  462. The Future Workplace Experience by Jeanne Meister and Karen Mulcahy
  463. The myth of the nice girl by Fran Hauser
  464. Brave Leadership: Unleash your most confident, powerful and authentic self by Kimberly Davis
  465. Emotional Agility by Susan David
  466. Fierce Leadership by: Susan Scott
  467. Leading gracefully: A women’s guide to confident, authentic and effective leadership by Monique Tallon
  468. The Fearless Organization by Amy C. Edmondson
  469. The Insiders guide to culture change by Siobhan McHale
  470. Thinking in Bets: Making smarter decisions when you don’t have al the facts by Anne Duke
  471. The Good Boss: 9 Ways Every Manager Can Support Women at Work by Kate Eberle Walker
  472. The Gray Rhino by Michele Wucker
  473. The Long Game: How to Be a Long-Term Thinker in a Short-Term World by Dorie Clark
  474. The Art of Change Leadership: Driving Transformation In a Fast-Paced World by Cheryl Cran
  475. What I Wish I Knew When I Was 20: A Crash Course on Making Your Place in the World by Tina Seelig
  476. Quirky: the remarkable story of how traits, foibles and genius of breakthrough innovators who changed the world by Mellisa Schilling
  477. The 9 types of leadership by Beatrice Chestnut
  478. How Innovation Really Works by Ann Knott
  479. How Women Decide by Therese Huston
  480. The Culture Map by Erin Meyer
  481. The Managers Path by Camille Fournier
  482. Becoming a Fearless leader: A simple guide to taking control and building happy, productive, highly performing teams by Elizabeth Shassere
  483. Build an A team: Play to their strengths and lead them up the learning curve by Whitney Johnson
  484. From Supervisor to Super Leader by Shanda Miller
  485. Leading With Grit by Laurie Sudbrink
  486. Know My Name by Chanel Miller
  487. Open Leadership: How Social Technology Can Transform the Way You Lead by Charlene Li
  488. Powerful: Building a culture of freedom & responsibility by Patty McCord
  489. The Art of Authenticity by Karissa Thacker
  490. The Art of Quiet Influence by Jocelyn Davis
  491. The Female Advantage by Sally Helgesen
  492. The Influence Effect: A new path to power for women leaders by Kathryn Heath
  493. Women Make Great Leaders by Jill Griffin
  494. Leadership Unchained: Defy Conventional wisdom for breakthrough performance by Sara Canady
  495. Move: How decisive leaders execute strategy despite obstacles, set backs and stalls by Patti Azzarello
  496. The language of emotional intelligence by Jeanne Segal
  497. Rule Makers, Rule Breakers by Michele Gelfand
  498. The Hope Driven Leader by Libby Gill
  499. Bad Leadership: What it is how it happens why it matters by Barbara Kellerman
  500. The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women byValerie Young

9 Ways to Support the Entrepreneurs in Your Life Without Being a Customer

Your friend started a business and you want to support them but it doesn’t make sense to buy their product or service. As an entrepreneur, as a family of entrepreneurs who served entrepreneurs, entrepreneurship is hard. Here are easy, free ways to support the entrepreneurs in your life. 

  1. Follow their company’s social media channels
  2. Subscribe to their marketing newsletter 
  3. Like or Share something they posted about their business on social media 
  4. Offer to be a sounding board for their ideas
  5. Connect them to people who might be able to give them valuable advice
  6. Connect them to people who might be potential clients
  7. Ask about their business, the way you would ask about their family
  8. Understand that they may have to prioritize their business—the way you’d be sympathetic to parents with their kids
  9. Understand that their work is personal, that the boundary between work and life for entrepreneurs is thin and sometimes nonexistent
Watch the Video Explainer

How to Write a Proposal to Get a Job You Love

In my blog post about  6 Tips on How to Get a Job You Love, I mentioned writing a proposal to pitch yourself as a candidate for a job, even one that doesn’t exist yet.

Taking the time to write this proposal will also force you to articulate your pitch why you want this job. As you go through the exercise, you may realize that you don’t want it. Or you may realize that you’re still super excited about it.

Every time I’ve written such a proposal, people have been impressed by my ability to communicate, process large amounts of information, and synthesize what needs to be done. I’ve also been on the hiring end where I’ve gotten a proposal and it signaled to me how committed the candidate was to the role.

Ideally, you should write the proposal after you’ve had at least an informational interview, and perhaps even the full interview loop.

Here are the 6 elements of a proposal:

  1. Why do you want to be at that company or in a new role?

Define clearly why you want to be there. Reference specific aspects of the company or of that role that appeal to you. The more detailed you can be, the more believable you will be.

  1. Why do your skill sets and experience make you a good fit for the company or for a different role in the company

Help the hiring manager understand why you would be a good fit, which is different from you being a strong candidate. Being a good fit means that you understand what this role and company needs and you fulfill those needs. You could be really skilled, but not a good fit for their needs. When you describe your experiences, that’s what sets you apart from other candidates. This also helps them understand that you understand what they need.

  1. What you see as the company’s strengths, needs, and opportunities

It might feel uncomfortable for you to give an analysis of both the good and the bad, and yet it shows that you are a critical thinker and listener. You were able to digest what they shared with you and to show a vision of what’s possible. You can literally do this as a SWOT analysis.

  1. What you would do to address the needs, weaknesses, and opportunities

And after you write the SWOT analysis, then talk about what you would do to reinforce their strengths, improve the areas where they are weak, pursue their opportunities, and address their threats.

  1. Create a sample timeline of your plan to add value

Write out a plan of how you would go about fulfilling this role in the first three, six, or nine months on the job. You don’t want to go too far in the future because there could be a lot of things that change. Make it just long enough so that you have done enough to make progress and know what to do next. Keep in mind that you won’t necessarily exit on this plan, but that it shows your ability to prioritize and plan and that you were action-oriented.

  1. Compensation

Think about what you would want to be compensated for this role. Do your research. It might be uncomfortable for you to write it out. But it might even be more uncomfortable for you to say it to them. Think about other benefits and parks that are important to you and you can put them in here.

Whenever I’ve written these proposals, they’ve been at least 3.5 to 5 pages long. Remember, you are writing this proposal for both you and the employer, not just the employer. 

Watch the Video Explainer

Check out my blog post on 6 Tips on How to Make the Most of Informational Interviews When You’re Looking For A Job. You can watch the video explainer versions by subscribing to the CuriosityBased YouTube channel.

Why Increasing Rejection Can Be Good For Your Business

As a business owner, hearing “no” can be painful and yet necessary. I actually think that it can be helpful for business owners to hear “no”. Here are three scenarios in which it’s actually good to hear “no”.

No to my sales pitch

If I’m not getting enough “no’s”, then I’m not pitching enough. I did an analysis of my close rate, and I realized I was getting an 80% win rate, which means eight out of 10 people who I asked said “yes” to my request. I realized that is way too high. It means that I’m actually not asking enough people. I was playing it safe. 

What is your “win” rate? How many people say “yes” to you versus how many people say “no”? I am aiming to increase the number of people I ask, which will inevitably lower my win rate, but I’m okay with that because I’m expanding my overall potential to gain new business.

No to my price

If some people aren’t telling me that I’m too expensive, then I’m probably not charging enough. I have to be okay with some people not being able to afford my services, just like I’m okay with the services that I can’t afford, so I go with other options. 

This also requires you to know what is your bottom line price that you need to make for you to feel valued and compensated. If you’re willing to lower your price, are you going to feel resentful afterward because you did so? Once I said no to a good project, but they changed their scope of work, and it would’ve been much more expensive. They were saying no to my price, and I was okay with not changing my price to accommodate their needs.

No to your method or idea

Not hearing “no” enough means that your content is too generic. Getting “no” means that you are not trying to please everyone and you can focus on what makes you special. 

There is a popular sales book called Getting to Yes, about how you overcome objections in sales pitches, and negotiations. I actually think that it can be helpful for business owners to hear “no” and be grateful about it rather than being super pushy.

When I started out my business, I tried to get as many “yeses” as possible. Saying “yes” in the beginning could help us figure out what we’re doing. I asked “who is willing to pay me something?”, because something is better than nothing. As my business progressed, and I got more focus, I realized I couldn’t say yes to everything because it would mean taking focus away from the work that I started the business for in the first place. So, don’t be afraid of getting no. We don’t always have to try to get to yes.  This recently happened to me when a prospective client said they were “too advanced” and CuriosityBased workshops weren’t helpful to those who were “further along in their equity journey.” They’re spot on. Their “no” reflected how they wanted training workshops, which takes participants through a linear progression of different levels of mastery. 

CuriosityBased designs experiences to enable people to have vulnerable conversations so they can learn from one another instead of from a single instructor. People have taken the same CuriosityBased workshop over and over again with different people and still learn something new each time. The idea that people can be “being further along” conflicts with my philosophy on learning. (You can read more here). Understanding this potential client’s “no” reminds me it’s okay not to compromise or change myself to get to a yes. 

When I hear, no, it makes me think, what am I willing to do to get yes? What are they telling me?

I’m not saying you should aim to have 100% “no”. When you hear “no” though, it means you’re pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, which is important for you to focus and grow your business. 

Watch the Video Explainer

Also check out the blog post on “4 Surprising benefits to getting rejection.”  

2 Ways to Manage Expectations with Others

Managing expectations is a never-ending exercise in clearly articulating our needs, wants, and hopes. It requires activating all three elements of practicing curiosity: self- awareness, relationship building, and communication.

Here’s what I learned to help me navigate the dynamics of managing expectations that I’ve applied to both my personal and professional life. Here are two ways to manage expectations with others so that they’re not surprised or disappointed with you.

  1. Explicitly describe what people can expect from you

I have to constantly remind myself that people can’t read my mind and I have to be more explicit. In regard to their own expectations, some people think in terms of what they will gain and benefit. For my clients, I describe what they will get with specific examples. For my team, I try to anticipate their questions and concerns. This is especially important now as people worry about layoffs. For my friends, I let them know what kind of support I can provide. 

  1. Explicitly describe what people can’t expect

Other people think in terms of what they might lose or won’t get, so I also list what I won’t be doing and what they will not get so that I can manage their expectations. For example, I often tell people my 7 Forms of Respect framework will NOT teach them how to be respectful, that it’s not like 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. For my team, I’ve made it clear that until we become consistently profitable, I can’t increase hours or provide more benefits. For my friends, I let them know when I can’t provide support in the ways they asked of me.

When you manage others’ expectations, they’ll manage yours. People will often meet your level of transparency.

Last year, I was clear about expenses outpacing revenue. I told my team that I understand they have to consider their individual financial needs because I don’t know when I can provide higher salaries. I just ask them to keep me updated if they do search for work elsewhere. When a team member left for a great career opportunity, I was not surprised. My expectations were managed. 

Watch the Video Explainer


Also check out the blog post on “4 Tips To Managing Expectations of Yourself”.

4 Tips to Managing Expectations of Yourself

Managing expectations is a never-ending exercise in clearly articulating our needs, wants, and hopes. It requires activating all three elements of practicing curiosity: self- awareness, relationship building, and communication.

Here’s what I learned to help me navigate the dynamics of managing expectations that I’ve applied to both my personal and professional life. Here are four tips to manage your own expectations of yourself:

Differentiate between expectations and hope

It’s easy to let expectations slide into hopes, which often don’t have any basis in reality. I realized expectations should be based on my previous experiences to determine what is realistic and possible. For example, I was a bit too optimistic in my second year in business. I was hopeful. I didn’t have any evidence that supported my expectations, meaning they were really just hopes.

Don’t compare myself to others in creating expectations for myself

If I only look at those who I think have more than me, I will always feel I don’t have enough. So, I can’t compare. This is a hard one to admit that I do. I constantly have to remind myself not to compare. I have close friends who are also authors of wildly successful books. As a self-published author without a long track record of prestigious publications or public speaking, I can’t apply the same expectations of success to myself.

Continue to do things I love even if they don’t meet my expectations 

There are so many things I love doing, such as writing essays like this, that don’t meet my expectations of desired outcomes. I often remind myself that I don’t write because I expect a lot of views; I write to have an impact, even if that impact is limited to a few readers. Think about what things you love to do and that you would do no matter what, even if they don’t live up to your expectations. This lesson is also connected to the one on differentiating between expectations and hope (see lesson #7).

Lower my expectations to “good enough” so I can experiment faster

I sometimes slip into perfectionist standards. This past year, I pushed myself to create content with less and sometimes no outside editing before I post. I’ve been surprised by how my raw content can resonate with people, like my 2021 reflections on managing my energy instead of my time or my Instagram reel that went viral when I made fun of myself. This lesson is one I will lean into even more in 2023.

I’ve learned to accept that managing expectations is an iterative process in which I have to be asking questions and listening carefully to both others and to myself. 

Do any of these lessons resonate with you? You can listen to me reading the original essay at: https://drjuliepham.substack.com/p/2022-reflections

Watch the Video Explainer

Also check out the blog post “2 Ways to Manage Expectations with Others“.

2023 Black-Authored Leadership BookList

In honor of Black History Month, we created this list of books authored by Black leaders. This list is meant to be a resource, not an official endorsement. The books are not ranked or listed in any particular order.

2023-Black-Authored-Leadership-Books-1Download
  1. In Search of Our Mother’s Garden: Womanist Prose by Alice Walker 
  2. Purpose Driven Leadership: Building and fostering effective teams by Bridgette Tasha Hyacinth 
  3. The Transformational Consumer: Fuel a lifelong love affair with your customers by helping them get healthier, wealthier, and wiser by Tara-Nicholle Nelson 
  4. Haben: The Deafblind Woman Who Conquered Harvard Law by Haben Girma
  5. Unprecedented: The Masters and Me by Tiger Woods 
  6. The Truths We Hold: An American Journey by Kamala Harris 
  7. The Fire Next Time by James Baldwin 
  8. Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches by Audre Lorde 
  9. Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body by Roxane Gay 
  10. Everybody’s Got Something by Robin Roberts & Veronica Chambers 
  11. This is the Fire: What I say to My Friends About Racism by Don Lemon 
  12. On the Other Side of Freedom: The Case for Hope by DeRay Mckesson 
  13. White Girls by Holton Als 
  14. Nothing Personal by James Baldwin 
  15. Revelations: The Autobiography of Alvin Ailey by Alvin Aily & A. Peter Bailey
  16. Emergent Strategy: Shaping Change, Changing Worlds by Adrienne Maree Brown
  17. We Will Not Cancel Us by Adrienne Maree Brown
  18. Love and Rage by Lama Rod Owens
  19. Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good by Adrienne Maree Brown
  20. How to Get Stupid White Men Out of Office: The Anti-Politics, Un-Boring Guide to Power by Adrienne Maree Brown
  21. It’s About Damn Time by Arlan Hamilton
  22. My Story of Embracing Purpose, Healing & Hope by Kamaro Brown
  23. The Mentor Leader by Tony Dungy
  24. Uncommon: Finding Your Path to Significance by Tony Dungy
  25. The Secrets to Success: When you want to Succeed as Bad as You Want to Breath by Eric Thomas
  26. Produced by Faith: Enjoy real success without losing your true self by DeVon Franklin
  27. Super Rich: A guide to having it all by Russell Simmons
  28. It Worked for Me: In life and leadership by Colin Powell
  29. Reach: 40 Black men speak on living, leading, and succeeding by Ben Jealous & Trabian Shorters
  30. Black Faces in White Places: 10 game-changing strategies to achieve success and find greatness by Randal Pinkett & Jeffrey Robinson
  31. The Gatekeepers are Gone: Hustle + Technology = Success by Lamar Tyler 
  32. Know What Makes Them Tick: How to successfully negotiate almost any situation by Shonda Rhimes
  33. The Autobiography of Malcolm X: As told to Alex Haley by Malcolm X & Alex Haley
  34. What I Know for Sure by Oprah Winfrey
  35. Hidden Figures: The American Dream and the Untold Story of the Black Women Mathematicians Who Helped Win the Space Race by Margot Lee Shetterly
  36. The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl by Issa Rae
  37. The One Week Budget by Tiffany Aliche
  38. I’m Judging You: The do-better manual by Luvvie Ajayi
  39. We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngoni Adichie
  40. The Awkward Thoughts of W. Kamau Bell by W. Kamau Bell
  41. Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates
  42. My Bondage and My Freedom by Frederick Douglass
  43. Drop the Ball: Achieving more by doing less by Tiffany Dufu 
  44. Biased: Uncovering the hidden prejudice that shapes what we see, think and do by Jennifer Eberhardt
  45. Stamped from the Beginning: The definitive history of racist ideas in America by Ibram X. Kendi 
  46. Lovesong: Becoming a Jew by Julius Lester
  47. Becoming by Michelle Obama
  48. The Race Whisperer: Barack Obama and the political uses of race by Melayne Price
  49. A Promised Land by Barack Obama
  50. Strength to Love by Martin Luther King, Jr. 
  51. My Grandmother’s Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies by Resmaa Menakem
  52. Just As I Am by Cicely Tyson
  53. Black and White: The Way I See It by Richard Williams
  54. Uncomfortable Conversations With a Black Man by Emmanuel Acho
  55. A Way Out of No Way: A Memoir of Truth, Transformation, and the New American Story by Raphael Warnock
  56. Professional Troublemaker: The Fear Fighter Manual by Luvvie Jayi Jones
  57. Finding Me: A Memoir by Viola Davis 
  58. More than Enough: Claiming Space for Who You Are (No Matter What They Say) by Elaine Welteroth 
  59. My Life: Queen of the Court by Serena Williams 
  60. Small Doses: Potent Truths for Everyday Use by Amanda Seales 
  61. Bamboozled: How God Tricked Me into the Life of My Dreams by Yvonne Orji 
  62. After the Rain: Gentle Reminders for Healing, Courage, and Self Love by Alexandra Elle
  63. The 1619 Project: A New Origin Story by Nikole Hannah-Jones 
  64. The Mind of a Winner by Steve Canal 
  65. All Bout Love by Bell Hooks 
  66. The Little Black Book of Success: Laws of Leadership for Black Women by Elaine Meryl Brown, Marsha Haygood & Angela Burt-Murray 
  67. Your Next Level Life: 7 Rules of Power, Confidence, and Opportunity for Black Women in America by Karen Arrington 
  68. Playing the Game Without a Coach: How Courage, Resilience and Forgiveness Helped One Man Seize the American Dream by Benjamin Raymond 
  69. The Wealth Choice: Secret Success of Black Millionaires by Dennis Kimbro 
  70. Beating the Odds: Eddie Brown’s Investing and Life Strategies by Eddie Brown 
  71. Strategize to Win: The New Way to Star Out, Step Up, or Start Over Your Career by Carla Harris 
  72. Rise and Grind: Outperform, Outwork, and Outhustle Your Way to a More Successful and Rewarding Life by Daymond John & Daniel Paisner 
  73. Life in Motion: An Unlikely Ballerina by Misty Copeland 
  74. The Work: Searching for a Life that Matters by Wes Moore 
  75. The Last Black Unicorn by Tiffany Haddish 
  76. Lead from the Outside: How to Build Your Future and Make Real Change by Stacey Abrams 
  77. 50 Billion Dollar Boss: African American Women Sharing Stories of Success in Entrepreneurship and Leadership by Kathey Porter 
  78. Black Business Secrets: 500 Tips, Strategies, and Resources for the African American Entrepreneur by Dante Lee 
  79. Black Fortunes: The Story of the First Six African Americans Who Escaped Slavery and Became Millionaires by Shomari Wills 
  80. Black Power Inc.: The New Voices of Success by  Cora Daniels 
  81. Climb: Taking Every Step with Conviction, Courage, and Calculated Risk to Achieve a Thriving Career and a Successful Life by Michelle Gadsden-Williams, Carolyn M. Brown 
  82. Boss Bride: The Powerful Woman’s Playbook for Love and Success by Charreah Jackson 
  83. Conversations in Black: On Power, Politics, and Leadership by  Ed Gordon 
  84. Double Down: Bet on Yourself and Succeed on Your Own Terms by  Antionette M. Clarke & Tricia Clarke-Stone 
  85. Expect to Win: Proven Strategies for Success From a Wall Street Vet by  Carla A. Harris 
  86. It’s About Time: The Art of Choosing the Meaningful Over the Urgent by  Valorie Burton
  87. Little Black Book: A Toolkit for Working Women by  Otegha Uwagba 
  88. Miss Jessie’s: Creating A Successful Business from Scratch – Naturally by Micho Branch 
  89. Mo’s Bows: A Young Person’s Guide to Start-up Success: Measure, Cut, Stitch Your Way to a Great Business by Moziah Bridges & Tramica Morris 
  90. More Than Pretty: Doing the Soul Work that Uncovers Your True Beauty by  Erica Campbell 
  91. The Book of Awesome Black Americans: Scientific Pioneers Trailblazing Entrepreneurs, Barrier-Breaking Activists and Afro-Futurists by Monique Jones 
  92. The Memo: What Women of Color Need to Know to Secure a Seat at the Table by Minda Harts 
  93. The Merchant Prince of Black Chicago: Anthony Overton and the building of a Financial Empire by Robert E. Weems 
  94. Balancing Work and Life: The Nia Guide for Black Women by Sherly Huggins & Cheryl Mayberry McKissack 
  95. The Road to Someplace Better: From the Segregated South to Harvard Business School and Beyond by Lillian Lincoln Lambert 
  96. You Got This!: Unleash Your Awesomeness, Find Your Path, and Change Your World by Maya Penn 
  97. Women of Color in Tech: A Blueprint for Inspiring and Mentoring the Next Generation of Technology Innovators by Susanne Tedrick 
  98. Finding My Voice: My Journey to the West Wing and the Path Forward by Valarie Jarret 
  99. Believe Bigger: Discover the Path to Your Life Purpose by Marshawn Evans Daniels 
  100. Swimming with Sharks in Dark Waters by Athene Brinson 
  101. FutureProofed: How to Navigate Disruptive Change, Find Calm in Chaos, and Succeed in Work & Life by Natalia Peart 
  102. Own Your Phenomenal Self: A Guide on Character, Success, & Leadership by Rita P. Mitchell 
  103. Werk 101: Get Your Life Together Guide by Koereyelle DuBose 
  104. Illogical: Saying Yes to a Life Without Limits by Emmanuel Acho 
  105. Impolite Conversations: On Race, Politics, Sex, Money, and Religion by Cora Daniels & John L. Jackson Jr. 
  106. Driven by Intention: Own Your Purpose, Gain Power, and Pursue Your Passion as a Woman at Work by Michelle Gadsden-Williams 
  107. Right Within: How to Heal From Racial Trauma in the Workplace by Minda Harts
  108. Gracism: The Art of Inclusion by Dr. David A. Anderson 
  109. So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo 
  110. All Bout Love by Bell Hooks 
  111. Ain’t I a Woman: Black Women and Feminism by Bell Hooks 
  112. You’ve Got to Be Hungry: The Greatness Within to Win by Les Brown 
  113. The Art of Ronin Leadership by Mike Howard 
  114. Hood Feminist: Notes from the Women that a Movement Forgot by Mikki Kendall 
  115. Where Do We Go from Here: Chaos or Community by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. 
  116. Upper Hand: The Future of Work for the Rest of Us by Sherrell Dorsey 
  117. Will by Will Smith 
  118. More Myself: A Journey by Alicia Keys 
  119. Undrowned: Black Feminist Lessons from Marine Mammals by Alexis Pauline Gumbs 
  120. These Wilds Beyond our Fences: Letters to My Daughter on Humanity’s Search for Home by Bayo Akomolafe 
  121. Black Futures by Kimberly Drew & Jenna Wortham 
  122. Radical Dharma: Talking Race, Love and Liberation by Rev Angel Kyodo Williams 
  123. Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption by Bryan Stevenson 
  124. Good Night Stories for Rebel Girls: 100 Real-Life Tales of Black Girl Magic by Sonja Thomas & Lilly Workneh 
  125. How to Be an Antiracist byIbram X. Kendi
  126. Bridges to Heal US: Stories and Strategies for Racial Healing by Erin Jones 
  127. The Color of Water: A Black Man’s Tribute to His White Mother by Andre Braugher, James McBride, Lainie Kazan 
  128. The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference by Malcolm Gladwell 
  129. David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants by Malcolm Gladwell 
  130. Allow Me to Retort: A Black Guy’s Guide to the Constitution by Ellie Mystal 
  131. Fire Shut Up in My Bones by Charles Blow 
  132. The Devil You Know: A Black Power Manifesto by Charles Blow  
  133. Speaking Truth to Power by Anita Hill 
  134. Writings on the Wall: Searching for a New Equality Beyond Black and White by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar 
  135. Becoming Kareem: Growing Up On and Off the Court by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar 
  136. Up from Nothing: The Untold Story of How We (All) Succeed by John Hope Bryant 
  137. The Memo: Five Rules for Your Economic Liberation by John Hope Bryant
  138. Love Leadership: The New Way to Lead in A Fear Based World by John Hope Bryant 
  139. The Purpose of Power: How We Come Together When We Fall Apart by Alicia Garza 
  140. I’m Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness by Austin Channing Brown 
  141. Standing Above the Crowd by James Donaldson
  142. The Extraordinary Power of Leader Humility: Thriving Organizations – Great Results by Marilyn Gist, PhD
  143. Talk it Up!: A Guide to Successful Public Speaking by David Suk Brown & Danny Suk Brown
  144. Our Brave Foremothers: Celebrating 100 Black, Brown, Asian & Indigenous Women Who Changed the Course of History by Rozella Kennedy
  145. You Owe You: ignite Your Power, Your Purpose, and Your Why by Eric Thomas, PhD
  146. Black Fatigue: How Racism Erodes the Mind, Body, and Spirit by Mary-Francis Winters
  147. Outliers: The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell
  148. Year of Yes: How to Dance it Out, Stand in the Sun, and Be Your Own Person by Shonda Rhimes
  149. Acting Up: Winning in Business and in Life Using Down-Home Wisdom by Janice Bryant Howroyd
  150. How Boards Work and How They Can Work Better in a Chaotic World by Dambisa Moyo
  151. Chasing Youth Culture and Getting it Right: How Your Business Can Profit by Tapping Today’s Most Powerful Trendsetters and Tastemakers by Tina Wells
  152. Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking by Malcolm Gladwell
  153. Why Should White Guys Have All the Fun? by Reginald Lewis & Blair S. Walker
  154. Unapologetically Ambitious: Take Risks, Break Barriers, and Create Success on Your Own Terms by Shellye Archambeau
  155. The Rise: Creativity, the Gift of Failure, and the Search for Mastery by Sarah Lewis
  156. Display of Power by Daymond John
  157. Black Entrepreneur Survival Guide: The complete guide to becoming a successful African American Entrepreneur by Dunneille D Anderson
  158. Black Wall Street: From Riot to Renaissance in Tulsa’s Historic Greenwood District by Hannibal B. Johnson
  159. CEO of My Soul: The Self-Love Journey of a Small Business Owner by Nic Cober Esquire
  160. Mom and Me and Mom by Maya Angelou
  161. How to Succeed in Business Without Being White: Straight Talk on Making It in America by Earl G. Graves
  162. Success Never Smelled So Sweet: How I Followed My Nose and Found My Passion by Lisa Price & Hilary Beard
  163. We Should All Be Millionaires: A Woman’s Guide to Earning More, Building Wealth, and Gaining Economic Power by Rachel Rodgers
  164. 9 Laws of Success: Attracting the Life, Love, Health & Success You Want! By Stormy Wellington
  165. Self-Esteem is the New Black: How to become the confident woman you have always wanted to be! by Monique Mays
  166. Everyday Millionaires: How Ordinary People Built Extraordinary Wealth – And How You Can Too by Chris Hogan
  167. Get Good with Money: Ten Simple Steps to Becoming Financially Whole by Tiffany “The Budgetnista” Aliche
  168. How We Show Up: Reclaiming Family, Friendship, and Community by Mia Birdsong
  169. Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay
  170. Eloquent Rage: A Black Feminist Discovers Her Superpower by Brittney Cooper 
  171. The Pursuit of Happyness by Chris Gardner
  172. Green Power: The Successful Way of A.G. Gaston by A.G. Gaston
  173. The Black Woman Millionaire: A Revolutionary Act that DEFIES Impossible by Dr. Venus Opal Reese
  174. When the Miracle Drops: How Instagram Helped Turn a Quick Fix Into a Million-Dollar Product by Jessica Dupart
  175. Building Atlanta: How I Broke Through Segregation to Launch a Business Empire by Herman J. Russell 
  176. The Path Made Clear: Discovering Your Life’s Direction and Purpose by Oprah Winfrey
  177. Mental Detox: The Power and Guidance to Implement Peace, Joy, Balance, and Financial Abundance in Your Life by Cheyenne Bryant
  178. Quantum Leaps: 10 Steps to Help You Soar by Gloria Mayfield Bangs
  179. Air Traffic: A Memoir of Ambition and Manhood in America by Gregory Pardlo
  180. A Lucky Man by Jamel Brinkley
  181. Heavy: An American Memoir by Kiese Laymon
  182. Invisible Man, Got the Whole World Watching: A Young Black Man’s Education Book by Mychal Denzel Smith
  183. Meaty: Essays by Samantha Irby
  184. Unbowed by Wangari Maathai
  185. Writing My Wrongs: Life, Death and Redemption in an American Prison by Shaka Senghor 
  186. Where You Are is Not Who You Are by Ursula Burns 
  187. The Perfect Day to Boss Up by Rick Ross & Niel Martinez-Belkin
  188. Feeding the Soul by Tabitha Brown
  189. Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A guide to reclaiming yourself by Nedra Glover Tawwab

4 Surprising Benefits of Getting Rejection

How do you feel about getting “no” for an answer?

I don’t like to get “no.” And yet not ever getting “no” could be a sign of complacency or lack of self-awareness. 

While it’s natural to want to hear yes to the things we ask for, there’s a lot of benefit in getting no’s. 

I’m referring to the requests we make that actually matter to us. There is the popular Rejection Therapy game that challenges people to make often ridiculous requests of strangers in order to condition ourselves to accept rejection. I’m not talking about asking a stranger to lend you $100 or knocking on someone’s door and seeing if they’ll host you for a meal.

Instead, think about asking for things you care about.

Here are four reasons why getting “no” to the requests that matter to can actually help us:

Ego-check: Getting a “no” keeps our egos in check and helps us understand the goal is not to always get a yes. If I got “yes” all the time, I’d get an inflated sense of self and I’d start to believe I’m invincible. For example, I have a big network of friends, acquaintances, and supporters; I hear people tell me, “You know everyone in Seattle.” In reality, I reach out to a lot of people to reconnect, and some of them say they’re too busy, and many of them just ignore me. Am I disappointed? Yes. I’m always a little disappointed and sometimes, very disappointed. The rejection or lack of response reminds me that there are a lot of people out there who don’t care enough about me and that’s okay. Getting the “no’s” doesn’t detract from those who did say “yes.”.

Empathy: Getting “no” actually can strengthen our ability to empathize with others, who get rejected. For example, I’ve been rejected for jobs I really wanted that I interviewed for, so I can understand and empathize with others who have gotten job rejections. If we’re getting a lot of people saying yes to our asks, one possible reason is because we hold positional power that we might not even recognize. If we have been thinking people don’t say “no” because we’re exceedingly charming or persuasive, it could be because they feel they can’t say no and we may even need to check our ego (see Ego Check). At work, this might happen if we’re in a leadership role. Among our friends, it could be because we have higher social status. In our family, we may have a position of authority or others have financial dependence on us. If we don’t get “no’s” ourselves, we will lose our ability to empathize with those we decline or with those who get rejected. 

Push our boundaries– Getting no’s expands our opportunities to learn and push beyond our comfort zone. When I’m selling services for my company, CuriosityBased, I remind myself if I’m not hearing that many no’s, then I’m probably not making enough asks. Hearing “no” tells me I’m out there, asking from people who I don’t know if they will say yes. For example, I could ask 10 people and 8 say yes. If I were to ask 20 people and 10 people said yes, I’ve just pushed my boundaries and I can work on learning from the 10 no’s instead of just the 2 no’s. A high “yes” rate may mean we’re limiting ourselves to those we think will say “yes” to us, which inherently increases our chance of getting a “yes.” 

Reinforce your own boundaries– Getting a “no” helps me understand what I’m not willing to do to get someone to say “yes”. It reminds me that I can set my own boundaries too. When someone says no because they don’t agree with me, it pushes me to ask myself, “Is there a need for me to change so I can get them to say yes? What would I be losing if I tried to accommodate them?” In answering these questions, I might realize their “no” means we weren’t a good fit. This recently happened to me when a prospective client said they were “too advanced” and CuriosityBased workshops weren’t helpful to those who were “further along in their equity journey.” They’re spot on. Their “no” reflected how they wanted training workshops, which takes participants through a linear progression of different levels of mastery. CuriosityBased designs experiences to enable people to have vulnerable conversations so they can learn from one another instead of from a single instructor. People have taken the same CuriosityBased workshop over and over again with different people and still learn something new each time. The idea that people can be “being further along” conflicts with my philosophy on learning. (You can read more here). Understanding this potential client’s “no” reminds me it’s okay not to compromise or change myself to get to a yes. 

If you realize you seldom get turned down, ask yourself why. Is it because you’re actually not making that many requests? And what would happen if you asked more often, even if it means increasing the risk people will say no.

Try asking those who you’re not sure will say yes to you. See if it changes how you feel about getting your ask rejected by them. 

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5 Common Mistakes When Asking for Help

Have you been asking for help and yet you can’t figure out why people don’t say yes to you? I wrote earlier about the SMART method and asking for help. If you’re getting no’s all the time though, it might be because you’re making some mistakes in asking for help.

I’ve identified five common mistakes people make when they think they’re asking for help:

  1. Not asking and just hoping someone will offer 

That’s right. The biggest mistake you can make when asking for help is you’re not actually asking. You’re just talking about how you need help and you hope someone will offer you help. You may even feel like you’re asking by talking about how you need help. Unless you actually make an ask for something that ends with a question mark, then you’re not really asking for help. If you don’t ask, explicitly, then the person that you think you’re asking might not realize that you are actually asking. They might not want to presume that you’re asking and that you might actually even be insulted if they offer, so they don’t. Then there are some people who think it’s really important that whoever needs help actually ask for it. Unless you actually know someone well, it’s unlikely that they will just offer help. I remember talking to this political candidate who was telling me her life story and all the reasons why she ran and how she needs money to run her campaign and then there was this really long pause, and then I said, “are you asking me to help you with your campaign?” And then she said, “yes, yes I am.” I actually had to prompt someone who is bringing a political campaign to make an ask. You may appear like you’re lacking a lot of confidence or even being embarrassed in your ask if you don’t actually ask.

  1. Being vague about what you need 

This means not being specific about what you need. It can be hard to say yes to something, if you don’t know what you’re getting into. That’s why it’s important to be specific about what you need, so that other people can envision being able to help you or not. But what I really like about the SMART method developed by Wayne Baker is that it’s very specific and detailed in how to make an ask. A big request can make the other person feel like they’re not really knowing what they’re getting themselves into if they say yes and they might not care enough to ask you follow-up questions, causing you to lose your opportunity because you were vague. When you are specific in your request, it shows that you have thought it through. If you’re vague in your request, it could signal that the request is casual and you have not thought it through.

  1. Not sharing why you need help 

If you’re asking for help, you have to be prepared to share why you need that help. You have to convey a sense of genuine need. If you don’t share, you can come off as though you’re hiding something, or as though you don’t trust the person, which is really bad if you’re actually asking them for something. So imagine saying “I need a job because I just got laid off. Could you help me with my job search for a tech role?” or “ my car broke down and I can’t afford to take an Uber. Would you be willing to take me to the airport?” That could be why you need the help. They don’t have to guess, and if you leave them to guess, they might think it’s something much more negative than it is.

  1. Trying to make the ask into a transaction

This is when someone says, if you do this for me, I will do this for you. There’s good intent here. I understand that it could be hard to ask for help without offering something in return. The fact is, what you’re offering in return is a “thank you” and actually making use of whatever you’re asking for help with. When you try to offer something for something, it can make the request feel really transactional. The person on the giving end doesn’t want to feel like they’re only saying yes, because you offer them something. For example, if you say, can you help me with my job search? I’ll buy you dinner if you do.” Chances are the person would’ve helped even without the dinner and now because you said it, they might look like they are interested in the dinner instead of just hoping for altruistic reasons. People want to feel altruistic. Help them by tapping into their generous spirit, not their desire to get something in return.

  1. Asking someone when you haven’t been in contact and not acknowledging that 

Sometimes you need some help from someone you haven’t been in contact with for a while. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t ask for help, especially if you thought you had enough of a relationship that you could ask. What’s important though is that you acknowledge that you haven’t talked to them in a while. Maybe look up when was the last time you talked to them and comment on some things that they use on their social media or some other platform that shows that you’ve also been keeping track of their activities. The point of this is not to pretend that no time has passed. You don’t wanna look like you’re just coming in for a favor and then you feel entitled to their help because you knew each other from before. 

Have you unconsciously been making any of these mistakes when you’ve asked for help? If so, stop it!  And also check out my blog post on asking for help in this SMART method.

Watch the Explainer Video