In myWhat I Learned in Managing Expectations With Others and With Myself
In my second year as an entrepreneur, I learned powerful lessons about managing expectations—both with others and with myself. Managing expectations is an ongoing practice that requires clarity, communication, and curiosity.
It also calls on all three elements of practicing curiosity: self-awareness, relationship building, and clear communication.
Here’s what I discovered about navigating expectations in both my personal and professional life.
Don’t Expect People to Change—But Believe Them If They Do
Changing behavior is difficult, even for those who want to change. For those who don’t, it can feel impossible. I’ve learned not to expect people to change, but also not to hold onto old versions of them if they do.
In my personal life, I saw this when my mother changed in positive ways after my father passed. Just as I want others to see that I’m capable of change, I must also allow myself to believe others can change, too—even if I don’t expect it.
Be Explicit About What People Can Expect From You
People can’t read your mind. I’ve learned to articulate clearly what others can expect from me.
For clients, that means describing what they’ll receive with specific examples. For my team, I anticipate their questions—especially in uncertain times like potential layoffs. For my friends, I communicate what kind of support I can offer. Setting clear expectations prevents confusion and builds trust.
Be Clear About What People Shouldn’t Expect
Some people think in terms of what they might lose rather than what they’ll gain. That’s why I also clarify what I won’t do.
For instance, I tell people that my 7 Forms of Respect® framework won’t teach them “how to be respectful”—it’s not a prescriptive guide like The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. For my team, I’ve explained that until we’re consistently profitable, I can’t increase hours or add benefits. For friends, I share when I can’t give the kind of support they’re asking for.
Accept That Some Expectations Can’t Be Met
It’s natural for people to make assumptions about you. Often, people expect my work as a woman of color in leadership development to focus on DEI (diversity, equity, and inclusion). I don’t get upset about that assumption; instead, I explain that my expertise is in curiosity-based leadership, not DEI consulting.
Acknowledging misaligned expectations early helps prevent frustration later.
Name Incorrect Expectations Before Resetting Them
Experience taught me that it’s best to name false assumptions upfront. Now, I often open workshops by saying, “You may think this is racial justice training—it’s not. Here’s what we’ll be doing instead and why.”
By clearly naming incorrect expectations, I can reset them with empathy and honesty.
Ask Others to Help Manage Your Expectations
Managing expectations is a two-way street. I encourage my team to manage my expectations by managing their own.
When I share that our expenses outpace revenue, I tell them I understand they must consider their financial needs. I just ask that they keep me informed if they start exploring other opportunities. When a team member left for a great new role, I wasn’t surprised—my expectations were already managed.
Differentiate Between Expectations and Hope
Entrepreneurship requires optimism. But I learned the hard way that hope is not the same as expectation.
I entered my second year with overly optimistic revenue projections based on other entrepreneurs’ success stories. Realistic expectations should come from my own data and experience, not from strangers’ highlight reels.
Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
Comparison is one of the hardest habits to break. I have close friends who are bestselling authors and nationally known speakers. As a self-published author still building recognition, I can’t hold myself to the same expectations.
When we constantly look upward, we overlook how much we already have. I remind myself that my success path is uniquely my own.
Keep Doing What You Love—Even If It Falls Short of Expectations
Some of the things I love most—like writing essays like this one—don’t always meet my “desired outcomes.”
I remind myself that I write to create impact, not for view counts. The fulfillment comes from doing what I love, regardless of external results. If you’d still do it without recognition, that’s a good sign you’re aligned with your purpose.
Lower Expectations to “Good Enough” to Experiment Faster
Perfectionism slows progress. This past year, I started posting content with little to no outside editing. Surprisingly, those raw pieces often resonated the most—like my reflection on managing energy instead of time or the Instagram reel where I made fun of myself.
Perfection isn’t the goal—connection is. Lowering the bar to “good enough” helps me learn faster and engage more authentically.
Managing Expectations Is an Ongoing Practice
I’ve learned that managing expectations is an iterative process. It’s about asking better questions, listening carefully, and staying curious—with others and with yourself.
When you approach expectations through curiosity, you leave more room for understanding, flexibility, and grace.
