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Showing Respect with Attention

January 11, 2022

The 7 Forms of Respect (7 FoRs)® tool builds mutual trust and understanding by giving people a vocabulary to describe what matters to themselves and others. Respect is relative. What is important to one person might not be important to someone else.

In this post, we will go in-depth on “Attention” as a form of respect. The 7 Forms of Respect® include procedure, punctuality, information, candor, consideration, acknowledgement and attention. Attention focuses on giving up distractions.

How Attention shows up in everyday life

Imagine you’ve been invited to attend a special presentation. There are about a dozen people in the room. Just as the presentation is about to start, your boss asks you to read a report and share your initial reactions as soon as possible.

Do you ignore your boss’ message and pay full attention to the presentation? If so, you’ve decided to give Attention to the speaker.

Do you tell your boss you aren’t available because you have another obligation and you need more notice, returning your full attention to the speaker? If so, you gave Candor to your boss and Attention to the speaker.

Do you try to discreetly read ther report on your phone and respond while listening to the presentation? You are giving Procedure to your boss at the expense of Attention to the speaker.

Do you tell others around you that you need to address an urgent work matter so they know what you are doing while listening to the presentation? If so, you are giving Information to others, Procedure to your boss, but not Attention to the speaker.

This example illustrates the complexity and trade offs of respect. It demonstrates that the ways in which we want to get and give respect are not universal and can change depending on an individual’s preferences and the situation. The degree to which you expect this form of respect may depend on the power dynamics of your relationship.

Attention can look like:

Listening attentively.
Referring back to other people’s comments to indicate you were listening.
Not interrupting except to ask clarifying questions.

Lack of Attention as a form of respect looks like:

Multitasking.
Interrupting to comment.
Allowing for distractions.

How Attention can be interpreted differently

There are many different personal and professional reasons why someone would care about giving and/or getting Attention as a form of respect. Understanding your FoRs starts with asking yourself, why does this matter to me? Many people in our research talked about their families and childhood. Others focused on the demands of their current job function and company culture.

FoR provides a shared language to describe what you need. You’ll be able to use this language to navigate conflict and address misunderstanding. This can come up when you want a particular FoR of respect and you aren’t getting it. You can then share why the FoR matters to you.

Scenario 1:
Sue is a new leader at a company and she noticed that in group meetings, everyone has their laptop open and their phones facing up on the table. The team historically has not given Attention as a form of respect to one another. People openly multi-task. The first few times she leads the meeting she’s distracted by the multi-tasking. At her third meeting, she asks people to close their laptops and turn over their phones. “I know Attention doesn’t matter to most of you. It matters to me. I feel respected when I know you are focused on what I’m saying. For the early part of my career, people regularly couldn’t hear my contributions because they were distracted. They didn’t know I felt disrespected until I said something. The multi-tasking made me feel like whatever else they were working on was more important than me. Once I started asking for respect the way I needed it, they could hear my ideas and that’s how I got to where I am today.”

Scenario 2:
Rosa has a colleague, Ernie, who interrupts her constantly when they are talking. He inserts his own stories and comments. Finally, she tells him, “I need Attention as a form of respect and you constantly interrupt me. I wish you would just listen to me. Ernie is surprised, “In my culture, we
interrupt each other all the time, It’s my way of showing I’m interested and engaged. I didn’t mean to disrespect you and I’ll try to wait until you finish talking before I say something .”

Our preference for certain FoR are rooted in our past experiences. Explaining those experiences builds empathy with others. Use the FoR to find common ground with someone who wants to give or get respect differently than you do. Ask them about their past experiences and who influenced them.

What’s Next

Check out Dr. Julie Pham’s book, 7 Forms of Respect: A Guide to Transforming Your Communication and Relationships at Work.

To learn more, visit our website. CuriosityBased is also available to host workshops for your team or company so you can improve communication, collaboration and trust.

Is Attention a form of respect for you?

Take the free quiz here.

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Showing respect with Acknowledgement

December 17, 2021

In this post, we will be going in-depth on “Acknowledgement” as a form of respect. The 7 FoR include: procedure, punctuality, information, candor, consideration, acknowledgement and attention. Acknowledgement focuses on communicating that you recognize people’s work, talents, and contributions, publicly or privately.

How Acknowledgement shows up in everyday life

Imagine you work at a company that has a culture of public acknowledgement, which you know makes the top performer on your team cringe. He has told you repeatedly he does not want public recognition for his work. His latest contribution led to one of the biggest innovations at the company in recent history. You are asked to celebrate him at the company-wide meeting.

Do you publicly praise this employee, despite his expressed wishes not to be recognized? If so, you’ll be adhering to a company culture that prefers to demonstrate respect through Acknowledgement.

If you decide not to mention the employee, you are giving him Consideration and also a lack of Acknowledgement, which is what he has asked for in the past.

Reflect on people in your life or past experiences that may have influenced how you prefer to be acknowledged.

If Acknowledgement is important to you, you will demonstrate respect by verbally and/or in writing express your gratitude. You like to give positive praise and recognize their contributions, publicly and/or privately. Whenever possible, you will acknowledge their requests, even if you can’t fulfill them.

You feel respected when you are thanked for your work and by being recognized and even praised for your specific contributions. When people let you know they received your communication, even if you didn’t ask for confirmation, you feel seen and heard.

The degree to which you give and expect to get this form of respect may depend on the power dynamics in the relationships.

Acknowledgement can look like:

Giving positive praise and recognizing others’ contributions
Thanking people, even if they met minimum expectations
Acknowledge the requests of others, if you can’t fulfill them

Lack of Acknowledgement as a form of respect looks like:

Only thanking people when they have exceeded expectations
Only praising people for extraordinary work
Not confirming receipt of communication

How Acknowledgement can be interpreted differently

There are many different personal and professional reasons why someone would care about giving and/or receiving Acknowledgement as a form of respect. Understanding your preferred forms of respect starts with asking yourself why does this matter to me? Many people in our research talked about their families and childhood. Others focused on the demands of their current job function and company culture.

Scenario 1:

When Yomara, a manager, sends out email instructions to her direct reports, they acknowledge receipt. Thế Anh is the only one who does not. So Yomara asks Thế Anh, “Could you let me know when you get my email? It assures me that you’ve seen it.” Thế Anh’s answer said, “Yes, I can do that. I wasn’t sure how you wanted me to respond because when I send you emails, you don’t acknowledge them. So I assumed you don’t like to receive or send extraneous emails. I also like to have my emails acknowledged.”

Scenario 2:

Krishneel has just been promoted manager and now has two people on his team, Isabell and Katie. Isabell gets her work done on time and meets Krishneel’s expectations. Katie proactively pushes for opportunities to improve every project that she is given. At meetings, Krishneel praises both Isabell and Katie equally. Over time, Krishneel notices Katie’s performance drops and she is no longer excelling. She only meets minimum expectations. Krishneel asks Katie, “Is something wrong? You don’t seem to be as engaged as before.” Katie explains, “You tell everyone on your team we do ‘amazing’ work all the time. To me, I only want to get Acknowledgement if it feels meaningful. When you give so much of it, I don’t know my true performance.” Krishneel didn’t realize that his liberal use of Acknowledgement could have negative consequences.

Our preference for certain Forms of Respect are rooted in our past experiences. Explaining those experiences builds empathy with others. Whenever you work with someone who doesn’t share your same forms of respect, you can use 7 FoRs to talk about it. Ask them about their past experiences and who influenced them.

Acknowledgement is a form of respect that focuses on expressions of praise and gratitude.

What’s Next

Check out Dr. Julie Pham’s book, 7 Forms of Respect: A Guide to Transforming Your Communication and Relationships at Work.

To learn more, visit our website. CuriosityBased is also available to hold workshops with your company or team about applying the 7 Forms of Respect to improve communication, collaboration and trust.

Is Acknowledgement a form of respect for you?
Take the free quiz here.

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2021 American Indian and Native Alaskan Authored Leadership Books

November 15, 2021

In celebration of American Indian and Alaskan Native heritage Month, we’ve compiled a list of leadership books written by American Indian and Alaskan Native authors to be read, explored, and studied. This list is meant to be a resource, not an official endorsement. The books are not ranked in any particular order.

Download the full list below.

You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me by Sherman Alexie
Recovering the Sacred: The power of naming and claiming by Winona LaDuke
Braiding Sweetgrass: indigenous wisdom, scientific knowledge, and the teachings of plants by Robin Wall Kimmerer
The Tao of Raven: An Alaska Native Memoir by Ernestine Hayes
Black Indian: A memoir by Shonda Buchanan
Custer Died for Your Sins: An Indian manifesto by Vine deLoria Jr.
Where White Men Fear to Tread: The autobiography of Russell Means by Russell Means and Marvin J. Means
Prison Writings: My life is my Sun Dance by Leonard Peltier
The School Days of an Indian Girl, and an Indian Teacher Among Indians by Zitkala-Sa
The Man Made of Words: Essays, stories, passages by N. Scott Momaday
Muscogee Daughter: My sojourn to the Miss America Pageant by Susan Supernaw
Life of Black Hawk, or Ma-ka-tai-me-she-kia-kiak: Dictated by himself by Black Hawk
Our History Is the Future: Standing Rock Versus the Dakota Access Pipeline, and the Long Tradition of Indigenoious Resistance by Nick Estes
Code Talker: The first and only memoir of the original Navajo Code Talkers of WWII by Chester Nez
Abandon Me: Memoirs by Melissa Febos
Heart Berries by Terese Marie Mailhot
As Long As Grass Grows: The Indigenous Fight for Environmental Justice, from Colonization to Standing Rock by Dina Gilio-Whitaker
Crazy Brave: A Memoir by Joy Harjo
Gathering Moss: A Natural and Cultural History of Mosses by Robin Wall Kimmerer
God is Red: A Native View of Religion by Vine deLoria Jr.
The Heartbeat of Wounded Knee by David Treuer
The Inconvenient Indian: A Curious Account of Native People in North America by Thomas King
Lakota Woman by Mary Brave Bird
#Not Your Princess: Voices of Native American Women by Lisa Charleyboy and Mary Beth Leatherdale (editors)
The Turquoise Ledge by Leslie Silko
Men We Reaped: A Memoir by Jesmyn Ward
Dwellings: A Spiritual History of the Living World by Linda Hogan
Bad Indians: a Tribal Memoir by Deborah Miranda
Night Flying Woman: An Ojibway Narrative by Ignatia Broker
Dog Flowers: A Memoir by Danielle Geller
Portage Lake: Memories of an Ojibwe Childhood by Maude Kegg
Everything You Wanted to Know about Indians But Were Afraid to Ask by Anton Treuer
The Assassination of Hole in the Day by Anton Treuer
As We Have Always Done: Indigenous Freedom Through Radical Resistance by Leanne Betasamosake Simpson
Nooping: The Cure for White Ladies by Leanne Betasamosake Simpson
The People and the Word: Reading Native Nonfiction by Robert Warrior
Tribal Secrets: Recovering American Indian Intellectual Traditions by Robert Warrior
Like a Loaded Weapon by Robert A. Williams Jr.
Bear Island: The War at Sugar Point by Gerald Vizenor
The Third Space of Sovereignty by Kevin Bruyneel
Navajo Courts and Navajo Common Law: A Tradition of Tribal Self-Governance by Raymond D. Austin
Firsting and Lasting: Writing Indians out of Existence in New England by Jean O’Brien
X-Marks by Scott Richard Lyons
Red Skin, White Masks: Rejecting the Colonial Politics of Recognition by Glen Sean Coulthard
The Queerness of Native American Literature by Lisa Tatonetti
Speaking of Indigenout Politics: Conversations with Activists, Scholars, and Tribal Leaders by J. Kehaulani Kauanui and Robert Warrior
Standing with Standing Rock: Voices from the #NoDAPL Movement by Nick Estes and Jaskiran Dhillon
Hungry Listening: Resonant Theory for Indigenous Sound Studies by Dylan Robinson
Written by the Body: Gender Expansiveness and Indigenous Non-Cis Masculinities by Lisa Tatonetti
Remembering Our Intimacies: Mo’olelo, Aloha ‘Aina, and Ea by Jamaica Heolimeleikalani Osario
Everything You Know About Indians is Wrong by Paul Chatt Smith
Red Nation Rising: From Bordertown Violence to Native Liberation by Nick Estes, Melanie K. Yazzi, Jennifer Nez Denetdale, and David Correia
Wiping the War Paint off the Lens: Native American Film and Video by Beverly Singer
The People Shall Continue by Simon Ortiz
Poet Warrior: A Memoir by Joy Harjo
The Four Hills of LIfe: Ojibwe Wisdom by Thomas Peacock and Marlene Wisuri
The Sacred Hoop: Recovering the Feminine in American Indian Traditions by Paula Gunn Allen
Critically Sovereign: Indigenous Gender, Sexuality, and Feminist Studies by Joanne Barker
For indigenous Eyes only: A Decolonization Handbook by Waziyatawin and Michael Yellow Bird
Mark My Words: Native Women Mapping Our Nations by Mishuana Goeman
The Beginning and End of Race: Confronting Sexual Violence in Native America by Sarah Deer
When My Brother Was an Aztec by Natalie Diaz
A History of my Brief Body by Billy-Ray Belcourt
Starvation Mode by Elissa Washuta
The Roots of Ticasuk by Ticasuk (Emily Ivanoff Brown)

We are continually adding to this list. If you have any recommended additions please send us an email at info@curiositybased.com so we can add it here.

Interested in reading more? Check out our Authors with Disabilities Leadership Booklist!

Read our other leadership booklists too!

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Showing respect with Candor

November 8, 2021

The 7 Forms of Respect (7 FoR)^.™ tool builds mutual trust and understanding by giving people a vocabulary to describe what matters to themselves and others. Respect is relative. What is important to one person might not be important to someone else.

In this post, we will be going in-depth on “Candor” as a form of respect. The 7 FoR include: procedure, punctuality, information, candor, consideration, acknowledgement and attention. Candor focuses on asking probing questions, offering constructive feedback (both solicited and unsolicited), bringing up opposing viewpoints, and pointing out mistakes and errors.

How Candor shows up in everyday life

Imagine you are in a meeting to review a colleague’s project. You both report to the same manager. Your colleague has just finished presenting. Your manager asks you specifically what you think about the presentation. You think there are some flaws in your colleague’s project execution. You know this particular colleague does not like constructive feedback.

Do you voice this constructive criticism openly at the meeting and respond to your manager?

If you choose to give feedback on-the-spot, you are giving respect in the form of Candor, which is what your manager wants but your colleague does not like.

Do you only express the positive aspects of your feedback? If you only give praise, you are showing respect in the form of Acknowledgment to your colleague and not giving respect to your manager in the way he asked for it.

Do you ask for more time to think about it and then share it with your manager later on, so your colleague doesn’t have to hear it? If you choose to defer, you are giving your colleague consideration because you are guessing they would prefer that, though you don’t know. You will still be able to give your manager Candor, though delayed.

This example illustrates the complexity and trade offs of giving respect to people with different preferences, at the same time. It shows the ways we want to get and give respect are not universal and can change depending on the individual’s preferences. The degree to which you expect this form of respect may depend on the power dynamics of your relationship.

Candor can look like:

Asking probing questions
Offering constructive feedback (both solicited and unsolicited)
Bringing up opposing viewpoints
Pointing out mistakes

Lack of Candor as a form of respect looks like:

Withholding opinions that differ from the others, even when asked
Withholding constructive criticism

How Candor can be interpreted differently

There are many different personal and professional reasons why someone would care about giving and/or getting Candor as a form of respect. Understanding your forms of respect starts with asking yourself, why does this matter to me? Many people in our research talked about their families and childhood. Others focused on the demands of their current job function and company culture.

The 7 FoR provide a shared language to describe what you need. You’ll be able to use this language to navigate conflict and address misunderstanding. This can come up when you want a particular FoR of respect and you aren’t getting it. You can then share why the FoR matters to you.

Scenario 1:

Kim is a high-performing employee who has been promoted three times in a year. Now she is meeting regularly with the CEO to discuss her work. The CEO likes to adopt the opposing viewpoint to challenge her work, in order to push her thinking. Kim has always appreciated getting Candor as a form of respect. This constant Devil’s Advocate makes her feel anxious. After a month of interrogation meetings with the CEO, she begins to doubt if she wants to stay at the company. Because she knows the CEO appreciates getting Candor, she tells him of her concerns, “I know this is the way you like to give Candor and it makes me feel like I constantly have to prove myself and how much I know.” The CEO was very surprised. “I grew up with lawyers for parents and we constantly debated. No one has ever told me this before, I wonder how many other people I made feel uncomfortable. Thank you for your Candor. I won’t probe in that way anymore and I’ll stick to direct feedback.” Because Kim gave the CEO Candor about his Candor, he was able to adjust how he gave Candor.

Scenario 2:

Travis has been passed over for a promotion twice. He has asked for feedback on his performance so he knows what to do to improve his work so that he can get promoted. His manager instead tells him he’s doing really well. He even gets an employee recognition award. But this award feels empty because he hasn’t gotten a title promotion nor a pay raise. He finally tells his manager he feels disrespected. He wants to get Candor from her and she gives him Acknowledgement instead. Once he frames it that way, she realizes she does not like to give Candor as a form of Respect because she doesn’t know how to tell Travis about the areas he needs to improve, though she is aware of them. She herself did not have managers who modelled giving constructive feedback effectively. She hadn’t realized her own preferences were hindering his ability to prove he was ready for a promotion. He was not satisfied by just doing his current job well. She started to give him Candor so that he would feel respected,

Our preference for certain Forms of Respect are rooted in our past experiences. Explaining those experiences builds empathy with others. Whenever you work with someone who doesn’t share your same FoR , you can use FoR to talk about it. Ask them about their past experiences and who influenced them.

Candor is a form of respect that focuses on giving information meant to influence an outcome or encourage change.

What’s Next

Check out Dr. Julie Pham’s book, 7 Forms of Respect: A Guide to Transforming Your Communication and Relationships at Work.

To learn more, visit our website. The CuriosityBased staff are also available to hold workshops with your company or team to learn how to apply the 7 Forms of Respect to improve communication, collaboration and trust.

Is Candor a form of respect you value?

Take the free quiz here.

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2021 Authors with Disabilities Leadership Book List

October 28, 2021

In support of National Disability Employment Awareness Month (NDEAM), we’ve compiled a list of leadership books written by authors with disabilities in the United States. This list is meant to be a resource, not an official endorsement. The books are not ranked in any particular order.

Download the full list below.

Disarm Your Limits: The flight formula to lift you to success and propel you to the next horizon by Jessica Cox
The White Album by Joan Didion
Chef Interrupted by Trevis Gleason
Fall Down, Laughing: How Squiggy caught multiple sclerosis and didn’t tell nobody by David Lander
Speedbumps: Flooring it through Hollywood by Teri Garr
And Now We Are Going to Have a Party: Liner Notes to a Writer’s Early Life by Nicola Griffith
To Know As We Are Known: Education as Spiritual Journey by Parker Palmer
The World I Live In by Helen Keller
Don’t Worry, He Won’t Get Far on Foot by John Callahan
Haben: The Deafblind Woman who Conquered Harvard Law by Haben Girma
Exile and Pride: Disability, Queerness, and Liberation by Eli Clare
Wishful Drinking by Carrie Fisher
Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships: Decoding Social Mysteries Through Autism’s Unique Perspectives by Temple Grandin
Marbles: Mania, Depression Michelangelo, and Me by Ellen Forney
Strangers Assume My Girlfriend Is My Nurse by Shane Burcaw
I Am Schizophrenic: Poetry from a Beautiful Brain by Kerenza Ryan
Apocalyptic Best Practices: A Unique approach to fear and change by Elisebeth VanderWeil
You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me by Sherman Alexie
Being Huemann: An Unrepentant Memoir of a Disability Rights Activist by Judith E. Heumann
The Pretty One: On life, pop culture, disability, and other reasons to fall in love with my by Keah Brown
Sitting Pretty: The View from My Ordinary Resilient Diabled Body by Rebekah Taussig
Disability Visibility: First-Person Stories from the Twenty-First Century by Alice Wong
Nothing About Us Without Us: Disability Oppression and Empowerment by James I. Charlton
I Am Not a Label by Cerrie Burnell
Limitless: The Power of Hope and Resilience to Overcome Circumstances by Mallory Weggemann
Care Work: Dreaming Disability Justice by Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha
Life in the Mind Interrupted: Essays on Mental Health and Disability in Higher Education by Katie Rose Guest Pryal
Rolling Warrior: The Incredible, Sometimes Awkward, True Story of a Rebel Girl on Wheels Who Helped Spark a Revolution by Judith Heumann
The Disability Experience: Working Toward Belonging by Hannalora Leavitt
When the Chant Comes by Kay Ulanday Barrett
The Story of My Life by Helen Keller
Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger’s by John Elder Robison
Be Different by John Elder Robison
Switched On: A Memoir of Brain Change and Emotional Awakening by John Elder Robison
Moving Violations: Warzones, Wheelchairs, and Declarations of Independence by John Hockenberry
Disfigured: On Fairy Tales, Disability and Making Space by Amanda Leduc
Thinking in Pictures: My Life with Autism by Temple Grandin
Calling all Minds: How to Think and Create Like an Inventor by Temple Grandin
The Way I See It: A Personal Look at Autism and Asperger’s by Temple Grandin
Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships: Decoding social mysteries through autism’s unique perspectives by Temple Grandin
Golem Girl by Riva Lehrer
Find Another Dream by Maysoon Zayid
Too Late to Die Young: Nearly True Tales from a Life by Harriet McBryde Johnson
If at Birth You Don’t Succeed: My Adventures with Disaster and Destiny by Zach Anner
Fading Scars: My Queer Disability History by Corbett O’Toole
Extraordinary Bodies: Figuring Physical Disability in American Culture and Literature by Rosemarie Garland-Thomson
Staring: How We Look by Rosemarie Garland-Thomson
Elegy for a Disease: A Personal and Cultural History of Polio by Anne Finger
Waist-High in the World: A Life Among the Nondisabled by Nancy Mairs
In the Province of God by Kenny Fries
The History of My Shoes and the Evolution of Darwin’s Theory by Kenny Fries
Body, Remember: A Memoir by Kennie Fries
Mad at School: Rhetorics of Mental Disability and Academic Life by Margaret Price
The Obsessive Joy of Autism by Julia Bascom
Blind: A Memoir by Belo Cipriani
Count Us In: Growing Up with Down Syndrome by Jason Kingley and Mitchell Levitz
Holding Change: The Way of Emergent Strategy Facilitation and Mediation by Adrienne Maree Brown
Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good by Adrienne Maree Brown
Brilliant Imperfection: Grappling With Cure by Eli Clare
Feminist Queer Crip by Alison Kafer
ASL Saved My Life…Until it didn’t by Jenni Kleinman Berebitsky

We are continually adding to this list. If you have any recommended additions please send us an email at info@curiositybased.com so we can add it here.

Interested in reading more? Check out our Hispanic/Latino/Latinx-Authored Leadership Booklist!

Read our other leadership booklists too!

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Showing respect with Consideration

September 27, 2021

In this post, we will be going in-depth on “Consideration” as a form of respect. The 7 forms include: procedure, punctuality, information, candor, consideration, acknowledgement and attention. Consideration focuses on anticipating someone’s needs and wants and acting accordingly.

How Consideration shows up in everyday life

Imagine you just came back to work after a long family leave. You find it difficult to adjust to the new schedule. You’re tired, stressed, and overwhelmed and you’re vocal about how you feel with your co-workers. You find out that one of your peers got assigned to an exciting new project and you weren’t asked if you wanted to work on it.

Do you feel relieved that your boss recognized that you are not ready to work on a time-consuming project even though it would have been fun?

Or do you wish you’d been given the option to decide for yourself even if you would have most likely said no?

Imagine if you had been asked, would you have felt respected that you had the option to say no? Or would you have felt annoyed that your boss asked you to do something that would have made your already stressful situation more dire? If you wanted your boss to recognize your situation and assume you’d be unavailable for the project then you prefer respect in the form of Consideration.

If you want your boss to ignore your signs of stress and ask you anyway, assuming that you’d prefer to decide on your own then Consideration is not a form of Respect you prefer.

This example illustrates how the ways we want to get and give respect are not universal and can change depending on the individual’s preferences.

Consideration can look like:

Anticipating what others want and need and interacting with them based on your beliefs
Surprising people with gifts you think they’ll like
Avoiding asking them to do things you don’t think they’ll like
Avoiding asking questions or bringing up topics you think will be uncomfortable for them to share

Lack of Consideration as a form of respect looks like:

Expecting people to express what they need
Asking people what they want instead of surprising them
Asking someone to do something they may not like or be capable of because you think it’s up to them to say no
Asking them questions and topics that may be viewed as personal or uncomfortable because you believe they will decline if they prefer not to answer

How Consideration can be interpreted differently

There are many different personal and professional reasons why someone would care about giving and/or getting Consideration as a form of respect. Understanding your forms of respect starts with asking yourself, why does this matter to me? Many people in our research talked about their families and childhood. Others focused on the demands of their current job function and company culture.

Scenario 1:

Susan is in charge of employee engagement at her company. She loves surprising people with special gifts, like meaningful trinkets and tickets to special events that she thinks the team would like. She just found out that there are team members who don’t like to be surprised and they would rather be asked what they’d like. Then there are some colleagues who tell her how much they like her thoughtfulness, even though they don’t personally use the gifts. “Consideration” as a form of respect can include surprising people with the intent to delight them. Susan likes to give consideration. Some people like to get it and some don’t. Susan’s father surprised her with many gifts as a child and Consideration was modeled for her. One person who doesn’t like surprises revealed his parents love giving him gifts that he doesn’t need and he then has to find a way to dispose of them. Two people can have a similar childhood experience and have different reactions.

Scenario 2:

Casey works at a consulting firm that compensates her for her billable hours. Casey is semi-retired and works for fun, not because she needs the money. She noticed her boss, Evie, assigned more work to two consultants who already have a lot of work to do. She asks her boss, “Why aren’t you giving me more work when I have more availability?” Her boss replies, “Lu is saving to buy a house and Kerry has a family to support.” Casey realized Evie was taking into consideration employees’ personal financial situation in terms of allocating work. Evie also believed that since Casey chose to be semi-retired, Casey didn’t want to work as much. They talked about it. Evie was showing respect to Lu and Kerry with Consideration. Evie explained that as the oldest child in a large family, from a young age, she took care of others. Casey reflected on why she didn’t want Consideration as a form of respect because she preferred to be given the choice. She grew up with parents who made a lot of decisions for her and she didn’t like it.

Our preference for certain Forms of Respect are rooted in our past experiences. Explaining those experiences builds empathy with others. Whenever you work with someone who doesn’t share your same forms of respect, you can use FoR to talk about it. Ask them about their past experiences and who influenced them.

Consideration is a form of respect that anticipates other people’s wants and needs and allows you to interact with them accordingly.

What’s Next

Check out Dr. Julie Pham’s book, 7 Forms of Respect: A Guide to Transforming Your Communication and Relationships at Work.

To learn more, visit our website. CuriosityBased is also available to hold workshops with your company or team about applying the 7 Forms of Respect to improve communication, collaboration and trust.

Is Consideration a form of respect for you?

Take the free quiz here.

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2021 Hispanic/Latino/Latinx Authored Leadership Books

September 20, 2021

We created this list to promote leadership narratives written by those who identify as Hispanic, Latino, and/or Latinx. This list is meant to be a resource, not an official endorsement. The books are not ranked or listed in any particular order.

Download the full list below.

Me by Ricky Martin
And A Voice to Sing With: A Memoir by Joan Baez
The Gloria Anzaldúa Reader (Latin America Otherwise) by Gloria Anzaldúa
Borderlands / La Frontera: The New Mestiza by Gloria Anzaldúa
Almost a Woman by Esmeralda Santiago
In the Time of the Butterflies by Julie Alvarez
Farmworker’s Daughter: Growing up Mexican American by Rose Castillo Guilbault
The Power of Latino Leadership: Culture, Inclusion, and Contribution by Juana Bordas
When I was Puerto Rican by Esmeralda Santiago
Salsa, Soul, and Spirit: Leadership for a Multicultural Age by Juana Bordas
Autentíco: The definitive guide to Latino Career Success by Robert Rodriguez
Brown Church: Five Centuries of Latina/o Social Justice, Theology, and Identity by Robert Chao Romero
Hermanas: Deepening Our Identity and Growing Our Influence by Natalia Kohn Rivera
Isabel’s Hand-Me-Down Dreams by Isabel Lopez
Leaving Little Havana: A Memoir of Miami’s Cuban Ghetto by Cecilia M. Fernandez
Gmorning, Gnight!: Little Pep Talks for Me & You by Lin-Manuel Miranda
[Un]framing the “Bad Woman”:Sor Juana, Malinche, Coylxauhqui, and other rebels with a cause by Alicia Gaspar de Alba
Always Running: La Vida Loca – Gang Days in L.A. by Luis J. Rodriguez
Cruz: A Cross-Border Memoir by Jean Guerrero
Dear America: Notes of an Undocumented Citizen by Jose Antonio Vargas
Undocumented: A Dominican Boy’s Odyssey from a Homeless Shelter to the Ivy League by Dan-el Padilla Peralta
The Far Away Brothers: Two Young Migrants and the Making of an American Life by Lauren Markham
My Beloved World by Sonia Sotomayor
Latina Empowerment Through Leadership: Mindful Stories from Inspiring Women by Catherine Munos Garces, Monica Rivera, et al
An Organizer’s Tale by Cesar Chavez
My Time to Speak: Reclaiming Ancestry and Confronting Race by Ilia Calederon
Rita Moreno: A Memoir by Rita Moreno
American Poison: How Racial Hostility Destroyed Our Promise by Eduardo Porter
My (Underground) American Dream: My True Story as an Undocumented Immigrant Who Became a Wall Street Executive by Julissa Arce
The Virtuous Circle: Restore Your Confidence, Bounce Back, and Emerge Stronger by Gaby Natale
Self Made: Become Empowered, Self Reliant and Rich in Every Way by Nely Galán
Latino Leaders Speak: Personal Stories of Struggle and Triumph edited by Micky Ibarra and Maria Pérez-Brown
Leapfrog: The New Revolution for Women Entrepreneurs by Nathalie Molina Niño
The Soul of a Woman by Isabel Allende
In the Dream House: A Memoir by Carmen Maria Machado
Once I was You: A Memoir of Love and Hate in a Torn America by María Hinojosa
More than Ready: Be Strong and Be You…and Other Lessons for Women of Color on the Rise by Cecilia Muñoz
Perfectly You: Embracing the Power of Being Real by Mariana Atencio
Take Charge of Your Brand: Quick and Simple Techniques to Help You Own and Manage Your Personal Brand for Professional and Personal Success by Guisselle Nuñez
In the Country We Love: My Family Divided by Diane Guerrero
Frida by Barbara Mujica
Finding Latinx: In Search of the Voices Redefining Latino Identity by Paolo Ramos
The Undocumented Americans by Karla Conejo Villavicenci
AOC: The Fearless Rise and Powerful Resonance of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortes by Lynda Lopez
Latinx: The New Force in American Politics by Ed Morales
Mexican Enough: My Life Between the Borderlines by Stephanie Elizondo Griest
Being Brown: Sonia Sotomayer and the Latino Question by Lázaro Lima
An Unlikely Journey: Waking up from My American Dream by Julián Castro
Hispanic Women Seeking Higher Leadership Roles in Business by Sylvia C. Motta, PhD
Wild Tongues Can’t be Tamed: 15 Voices from the Latinx Diaspora edited by Saraciea J. Fennell
The Leadership Shift: The Strategic Positioning of Latino Business Leaders by Dr. Nilda Perez
¡Rise up, Mi Gente! A Roadmap for Latinos to Achieve Success in Corporate America by Jesse A Mejia
Inventing Latinos: A New Story of American Racism by Laura E. Gómez
The 5 Disciplines of Inclusive Leaders: Unleashing the Power of Us All coauthored by Andrés Tapia
When We Make It by Elisabeth Velasquez
I am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter by Erika L. Sanchéz
Latino Talent: Effective Strategies to Recruit, Retain, and Develop Hispanic Professionals by Robert Rodriguez
Silencing Gender, Age, Ethnicity, and Cultural Biases in Leadership by Camilla A. Montoya, Julieta V. García. et al.
Inclusion Revolution: The Essential Guide to Dismantling Racial Inequity in the Workplace by Daisy Auger-Dominguez
Latinas Rising Up in HR: Inspirational Stories of Human Resources Professional Leading, Thriving, and Breaking Barriers by Priscilla Guasso
The Secret Principles of Genius: The Key to Unlocking Your Hidden Genius Potential by I.C. Robledo
I Got This: To Gold and Beyond by Lauren Hernandez
The Engine of America: The Secrets to Small Business Success from Entrepreneurs Who Have Made It by Jane Delgado
The Latina Guide to Health: Consejos and Caring Answers by Jane Delgado
Field Mice: Memoirs of a Migrant Child by Emma Gonzalez
Los Amos del Mundo Están al Acecho by Cristina Martin Jimenez
Growing American Roots by Bob Menendez
Dream in Color: How the Sánchez Sisters are Making History in Congress by Linda Sánchez
Healing Journey: Surviving Domestic Violence by Lupe Valdez
La Nueva California: Latinos from Pioneers to Post-Millennials by David Hayes-Bautista
El Cinco de Mayo: An American Tradition by David Hayes-Bautista
Latinas in Aviation by Jacqueline S. Ruiz
Becoming Dr. Q: My Journey from a Migrant Farm Worker to brain Surgeon by Alfredo Quinones-Hinjosa
The Universal Tone: Bringing My Story to Light by Carlos Santana
Take a Stand: Lessons from Rebels by Jorge Ramos
The Injustice Never Leaves You: Anti-Mexican Violence in Texas by Monica Muñoz Martinez
Powerhouse Principles: The Ultimate Blueprint for Real Estate Success in an Ever-Changing Market by Jorge Perez
The Buena Salud Guide to Understanding Depression and Enjoying Life by Jane Delgado
Leadership Lessons of the White House Fellows: Learn How to Inspire Others, Achieve Greatness , and Find Success in Any Organization by Charles P. Garcia
Persevere with Power: What Heaven Starts, Hell Cannot Stop by Samuel Rodriguez
In Defense of Our America: The Fight for Civil Liberties in the Age of Terror by Anthony D. Romero
One Vote Away: How a Single Supreme Court Seat Can Change History by Ted Cruz
Still Dreaming: My Journey from the Barrio to Capitol Hill by Luis Gutiérrez
An American Son: A Memoir by Marco Rubio
The Undocumented Americans by Karla Cornejo Villavicencio
A House of My Own: Stories from My Life by Sandra Cisneros
Spirit Run: A 6000 Mile Marathon Through America’s Stolen Land by Noe Alvarez
Dirty Girls Social Club by Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez
Woven in Moonlight by Isabel Ibañez
The Latino Advantage in the Workplace by Mariela Dabbah and Arturo Poiré
Dream Big by Deborah Rosado Shaw
Youth, Identity, Power: The Chicano Movement by Carlos Munoz Jr.
Mean by Myriam Gurba
Presumed Incompetent: The Intersections of Race and Class for Women in Academia by Gabriella Gutiérrez y Muhs, Yolanda Flores Niemann, and Carmen G. González
Enrique’s Journey: The Story of a Boy’s Dangerous Odyssey to Reunite with his Mother by Sonia Nazarrio
A Passion for Politics (Mission Bells) by Anita Perez Ferguson
Latinos in American Society: Families and Communities in Transition by Dr. Ruth Enid Zambrana
Journey to the Future: A Roadmap for Success for Youth by Ltc. Consuelo Castillo Kickbusch
Homeless my Choice by Roy Juarez Jr.
The Story of Latinos and Education in American History by Dr. Abdín Noboa-Ríos
A Long Petal of the Sea by Isabel Allende
The Deepest Roots: Finding Food and Community on a Pacific Northwest Island by Kathleen Alcalá
Más Allá de la Justicia by Maria de lourdes Victoria

We are continually adding to this list. If you have any recommended additions please send us an email at info@curiositybased.com so we can add it here.

Interested in reading more? Check out our LGBTQ-Authored Leadership Booklist!

Read our other leadership booklists too!

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Showing respect with Information

September 17, 2021

This is our third installment of an introduction to the 7 Forms of Respect (FoR)^,™a tool that provides a vocabulary to describe what matters most to you and others. The 7 FoR tool builds mutual trust and understanding by giving people a vocabulary to describe what matters to you and to others. Respect is relative. What is important to you might not be important to someone else.

In this post, we will be going in-depth on “Information” as a form of respect. The others include: procedure, punctuality, candor, consideration, acknowledgement and attention. Information as a form of respect can be described as access to unedited information.

How Information shows up in everyday life

Imagine you’re the CEO of a company engaging in discussions about pay equity. You have always prided yourself on fostering a transparent culture. Some of your senior leaders have suggested that the company publish everyone’s salary as a way to help ensure pay equity. You know there are many people uncomfortable with that suggestion.

Do you publish everyone’s salary? Or does that feel like it’s an invasion of privacy? Sharing salary is legal. And, if you publish, you are giving respect in the form of Information to your employees.

If you don’t publish, you are giving Consideration as a form of respect to those employees who you suspect would not want their salary shared.

This example demonstrates the complexity of creating respectful policies, because people have different expectations or what respect looks like.

Information can look like:

Offering a lot of extra context and background information
Inviting people to meetings even when they have no clear role to play
Copying people on emails just so they are informed, not because they need to do something with the information
Giving people open access to files so they can look through them themselves

Lack of Information as a form of respect looks like:

Only sharing information on a need to know basis
Only inviting people to meetings who have a clear role to play
Removing people from the copy line of emails if you feel they no longer need to be included

How Information can be interpreted differently

There are many different personal and professional reasons why someone would care about giving and/or getting Information as a form of respect. Understanding your forms of respect starts with asking yourself: why does this matter to me? Many people in our research talked about their families and childhood. Others focused on the demands of their current job function and company culture.

Scenario 1:

Mona was a project manager working in small and medium nonprofits before she was offered a job at a large tech company. Her coworkers started inviting her to so many meetings and adding her to the copy line of their emails. Her Inbox exploded. She thought they were just trying to get her up to speed. After two months, she told her manager how the volume of emails and meetings made her feel overwhelmed . She was instructed to replicate the behavior. To copy other people on emails even if they were only tangentially related to the project. “Aren’t I wasting people’s time by sending them things to read that aren’t related to the work?” She asked her manager.” We show respect here by giving Information. We let people decide what to do with the information. It’s important to keep them in the loop,” her manager explained.

Scenario 2:

Eric and Leo are peers on a team together and they report to the same manager. Eric shared guidance on a project to Leo over email. Leo had some questions about Eric’s guidance and responded over email and copied their manager. Eric got upset that Leo added their manager to the email chain. He answered Leo’s question and removed their manager from the “reply all.” Leo responded and added their manager back on the copy line. Eric then called Leo, “Why do you keep adding our manager on the email? She’s busy and you’re wasting her time and you’re making me look like I don’t know – how to do my job in front of her.” Leo said, “She told us she likes to be given visibility on our communication. She said she likes to get Information as her form of Respect. I’m not trying to get you in trouble. I’m just trying to do what our manager asked for!” Eric then understood Leo was prioritizing their manager’s needs, not trying to disrespect him.

Our preference for certain Forms of Respect are rooted in our past experiences. Explaining those experiences builds empathy with others. Whenever you work with someone who doesn’t share your same forms of respect, you can use FoR to talk about it. Ask them about their past experiences and who influenced them.

Information is a form of respect focused on offering free access to information and data without the other person having to ask for it. It does not require guiding others to do something with the information. It is giving information for the sake of giving information. If you don’t care about Information as a form of respect, it doesn’t mean you’re disrespectful. It just means you may value privacy and targeted information sharing over transparency.

What’s Next

Check out Dr. Julie Pham’s book, 7 Forms of Respect: A Guide to Transforming Your Communication and Relationships at Work.

To learn more, visit our website. CuriosityBased is also available to hold workshops with your company or team about applying the 7 Forms of Respect to improve communication, collaboration and trust.

Is Information a form of respect for you?

Take the free quiz here.

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Showing respect with Punctuality

August 5, 2021

This is our second installment of an introduction to the 7 Forms of Respect (FoR)^,™a tool that provides a vocabulary to describe what matters most to you and others.

In this post we will be going in-depth on “Punctuality” as a form of respect. The others include: procedure, information, candor, consideration, acknowledgement and attention. Punctuality as a form of respect is about adherence to deadlines, being on time, staying on schedule, and generally being mindful of time.

How Punctuality shows up in everyday life

Imagine you’re a mid-level manager and you’re in a one-on-one meeting with executive A at your company. You finished talking about business and now he’s telling you about his views on life (he’s talkative). You have a meeting scheduled with Executive B at 4 pm, and now it’s 3:59 and Executive A is still passionately telling you about his worldviews. Do you interrupt him and let him know you have another meeting with Executive B? Or do you continue to carefully listen to him until he completes his thoughts?

If you chose to interrupt Executive A so you can start your next meeting on time, you are giving respect to Executive B in the form of punctuality and to Executive A by letting him

know you won’t take up more of his time than originally scheduled.

If you chose to continue to listen to Executive A without interrupting him, you chose to give him respect in the form of attention because you stayed focused on the conversation.

And how would your answer change if the Executive A was actually your peer or someone who had less power than you?

Or if Executive B was your peer or someone who had less power than you?

This demonstrates how forms of respect are subtle and present in everyday life.

Punctuality can look like:

Being on time to meetings
Adhering to a schedule
Meeting deadlines
Letting others know beforehand when you’ll be late

Lack of Punctuality as a form of respect looks like:

Being late to meetings
Not adhering to a schedule
Missing deadlines
Not telling people ahead of time you’ll be late

How Punctuality can be interpreted differently

There are many different personal and professional reasons why someone would care about giving and/or getting Punctuality as a form of respect. Understanding your forms of respect starts with asking yourself: why does this matter to me? Many people in our research talked about their families and childhood. Others focused on the demands of their current job function and meeting expectations.

scenario 1:

Cedric is a first-year reporter at a city newspaper. Although his drafts are excellent, he is constantly missing his deadlines, which upsets Thu, his editor. Thu tells Cedric, “I don’t understand why you keep submitting your drafts late. Punctuality is critical to journalism.” After some reflection, Cedric realized he was afraid of turning in essays less than perfect, which made the tight timelines difficult to meet. For Thu, she just expected drafts, not perfection. Hetold her he feared she would question his competency if he didn’t submit the best quality. Throughout his life, this caused him to be late because he prioritized quality over timeliness. Once he told Thu, she reassured him that she knew he was talented.

scenario 2:

Rachel has a new boss who transferred from one of the company’s international offices. In their first month of working together, he has never been on time to a meeting, and has cancelled six meetings after the meetings were supposed to start. Finally, she told him, “You are often late or reschedule our meetings. Punctuality is an important form of respect to me. I understand you’re busy and many times, you won’t be on time. I was raised to see punctuality as a way to value other people’s time. So your tardiness makes me feel like you don’t value mine.” Chris was surprised. “I didn’t realize you felt disrespected. In my culture, we see time as flexible. At my office back home, we never really followed the scheduled time. I’ll be more mindful. I realize other people in this office might feel the same way as you and haven’t said anything to me about it.”

Because Rachel expressed her frustration, she learned Chris was not being disrespectful on purpose and that in fact he was doing it to other people in the office too. Chris was able to prioritize punctuality as a form of respect for all his co-workers in this office.

Our preference for certain Forms of Respect are rooted in our past experiences. Explaining those experiences builds empathy with others. Whenever you work with someone who doesn’t share your same forms of respect, you can use FoR to talk about it. Ask them about their past experiences, who influenced them, and why adhering to the rules is personally important.

Punctuality is a form of respect focused on meeting time constraints. If you don’t care about Punctuality as a form of respect, it doesn’t mean you’re disrespectful. It just means you don’t place as much value or emphasis on meeting time constraints.

What’s Next

Check out Dr. Julie Pham’s book, 7 Forms of Respect: A Guide to Transforming Your Communication and Relationships at Work.

To learn more, you can sign up for a workshop and get access to our full 7 Forms of Respect Assessment. CuriosityBased is also available to consult with your company or team about applying the 7 Forms of Respect to improve communication, collaboration, and trust.

Is Punctuality a form of respect for you?

Take the free quiz here.

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Showing respect with Procedure

July 13, 2021

Welcome to the 7 Forms of Respect (FoR)^®Over the next few months, we’ll introduce you to these concepts and give examples of how to apply them to your life to learn more about which forms of respect you like to “give” and which ones you like to “get”. The 7 FoR tool provides a vocabulary to describe what matters to you and to others. Inturn, it builds mutual understanding and trust. Respect is relative. What is important to you might not be important to someone else. The 7 FoR is a framework to describe the different forms of respect.

In this post, we will be going in-depth on “Procedure” as a form of respect. The others include: punctuality, information, candor, consideration, acknowledgement and attention. Procedure as a form of respect is about adherence to and making of rules, clearly stated expectations, and protocol.

How Procedure shows up in everyday life

Imagine you were invited to speak at an event. After the event, a long line forms of audience members who want to speak with you privately. As the line winds down, acquaintances you know start to exit the room and they come by to say goodbye. Do you put those in the line on hold so you can thank and have a brief conversation with those acquaintances who came to your talk? Or do you wave goodbye to your acquaintance and continue to talk with those who have been waiting in the line?

If you chose to talk to the acquaintances, you gave them respect in the form of Acknowledgement, at the expense of the audience members who were waiting in line.

If you chose to focus on those who are waiting in line, you gave them respect in the form of Procedure by addressing them first since they followed the norms.

Years ago, I was waiting in that line for my turn. The speaker chose to respect his acquaintances. Looking back, I am sure he did not mean to disrespect the audience members waiting in the line. Perhaps other people in the line did not feel disrespected in the way that I did because they don’t place such a high value on Procedure. Because I do, especially from those who have more power than me, I felt disrespected because he was letting people “cut the line.” He chose not to adhere to Procedure.

This demonstrates how forms of respect are subtle and present in everyday life.

Procedure can look like:

Clear expectations of how something needs to be done
Detailed written rules and guidelines
Honorifics, titles, and salutations to address people
Focus on the process

Lack of Procedure as a form of respect looks like:

No or vague expectations of how something needs to be done
No or little or vague written rules and guidelines
Lack of use of honorifics, titles
Focus on the outcome or the relationships

How Procedure can be interpreted differently

There are many different personal and professional reasons for why someone would care about giving and/or getting Procedure as a form of respect. Understanding your forms of respect starts with asking yourself: why does this matter to me? Many people in our research talked about their families and childhood. Others focused on the demands of their current job function and meeting expectations.

Scenario 1:

Kim and Mike are peers on the same team. Kim asked Mike to help her on a project and she sent him instructions on how to do the work. Mike gets his part done on time. Kim is upset. Mike is unsure why. It turns out Mike didn’t read her instructions and missed a few steps, so the finished project isn’t as she wanted. Kim tells Mike, “I really care about getting Procedure from my peers because it makes me feel like you care enough to read what I took the time to write. Also, many of these instructions are built on my previous experience. When you don’t follow the instructions, you’re not acknowledging my experience and expertise on the topic. I’ve had previous coworkers who underestimate my abilities and didn’t read my instructions.” Kim doesn’t just tell Mike what she needs, she also tells him what past experiences have shaped this need. Mike now understands. Otherwise, he might think Kim is just being too rigid.

Scenario 2:

Eric always gives precise instructions and reminders on how and when to do things. It makes Ann, his direct report, feel like he doesn’t trust her to do her job. Finally she tells him, “I feel like you tell me what to do all the time. It reminds me of my parents talking to me like I’m a child.” Eric is surprised. He tells her, “I give Procedure as a form of respect because I grew up with parents who spoke limited English and I translated for them. I also had to manage their appointments and schedules. Taking the time to do that for them was a form of respect because I didn’t assume they would understand the English.” Learning that, Ann could understand why Eric did what he did and Eric tried to give Ann less Procedure once he learned it makes her feel like a child.

Our preference for certain Forms of Respect are rooted in our past experiences. Explaining those experiences builds empathy with others. Whenever you work with someone who doesn’t share your same forms of respect, you can use FoR to talk about it. Ask them about their past experiences, who influenced them, and why adhering to the rules is personally important.

Procedure is a form of respect focused on rules, protocol, clear expectations and structure. If you don’t care about Procedure as a form of respect, it doesn’t mean you’re disrespectful. It just means you don’t place as much value or emphasis on following rules, protocol, clear expectations, and structure.

What’s Next

Check out Dr. Julie Pham’s book, 7 Forms of Respect: A Guide to Transforming Your Communication and Relationships at Work.

To learn more about the 7 Forms of Respect, you can also sign up for a workshop and get access to our full 7 Forms of Respect Assessment. CuriosityBased is also available to consult with your company or team about applying the 7 Forms of Respect to improve communication, collaboration, and trust.

Is Procedure a form of respect for you?
Take the free quiz here.

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2021 LGBTQ-Authored Leadership Books

June 14, 2021

We created this list to promote leadership narratives written by those who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ). This list is meant to be a resource, not an official endorsement. The books are not ranked or listed in any particular order.

LGBTQ-Authored-Leadership-Books Download

(Download the PDF version of this list in the link above)

The Fire Next Time by James Baldwin
Entrepreneurial You: Monetize Your Expertise, Create Multiple Income Streams, and Thrive by Dorie Clark
Seriously…I’m Kidding by Ellen Degeneres
Shut Up, I’m Talking!: Coming Out in Hollywood and Making It to the Middle by Jason Stuart
All In: An Autobiography by Billie Jean King
An Archive of Hope: Harvey Milk’s Speeches and Writings by Harvey Milk
Rainbow Warrior: My Life in Color by Gilbert Baker
The Normal Heart by Larry Kramer
Freddie Mercury: A Life, In His Own Words by Freddie Mercury
GuRu by RuPaul
The Rainbow Comes and Goes: A Mother and Son on Life, Love, and Loss by Anderson Cooper & his mom Gloria Vanderbilt
Redefining Realness: My Path to Womanhood, Identity, Love & So Much More by Janet Mock
Untamed by Glennon Doyle
Punch Me Up to the Gods: A Memoir by Brian Broome
Leaving Isn’t the Hardest Thing: Essays by Lauren Hough
Pride Leadership: Strategies for the LGBTQ+ Leader to be the King or Queen of Their Jungle by Steven Yacovelli
Fit to Serve: Reflections on a Secret Life, Private Struggle, and Public Battle to Become the First Openly Gay U.S. Ambassador by James C. Hormel & Erin Martin
Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches by Audre Lorde
In Defense of Our America: The Fight for Civil Liberties in the Age of Terror by Anthony D. Romero
Beautiful on the Outside: A Memoir by Adam Rippon
Tim Cook: The Genius Who Took Apple to the Next Level by Leander Kahney
The Path Forward: Rethinking Federal Marijuana Policy by Rep. Earl Blumenauer and Rep. Jared Polis
Forever Young: The Story of Troye Sivan by Alana Wulff
The Man Without a Face: The Unlikely Rise of Vladimir Putin by Masha Gessen
Surviving Autocracy by Masha Gessen
Raf Simons by Sunny Chanday
Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body by Roxane Gay
Everybody’s Got Something by Robin Roberts & Veronica Chambers
Dear White People by Justin Simien
Michael Kors by Sunny Chanday
This is the Fire: What I say to My Friends About Racism by Don Lemon
Binge by Tyler Oakley
Tom Ford by Tom Ford
On the Other Side of Freedom: The Case for Hope by DeRay Mckesson
Blood, Bones, & Butter: The Inadvertent Education of a Reluctant Chef by Gabrielle Hamilton
White Girls by Hilton Als
Oh Myyy!: There Goes the Internet by George Takei
They Called Us Enemy: Expanded Edition by George Takei
The 9 Steps to Financial Freedom: Practical and Spiritual Steps to You Can Stop Worrying by Suze Orman
Zero to One: Notes on Startups, or How to Build the Future by Peter Thiel & Blake Masters
Trust: America’s Best Chance by Pete Buttigieg
Shortest Way Home: One Mayor’s Challenge and a Model for America’s Future by Pete Buttigieg
Nothing Personal by James Baldwin
Revelations: The Autobiography of Alvin Ailey by Alvin Ailey & A. Peter Bailey
In the Shadow of the Eagle: A Tribal Representative in Maine by Donna M. Loring
Me by Ricky Martin
And a Voice to Sing With: A Memoir by Joan Baez
The Holly Woodlawn Story: A Low Life in High Heels by Holly Woodlawn
The Gloria Anzaldúa Reader (Latin America Otherwise) by Gloria Anzaldúa
I’m the One That I Want by Margaret Cho
WOLFPACK: How to Come Together, Unleash Our Power, and Change the Game by Abby Wambach
A Room of One’s Own by Virginia Woolf
Emergent Strategy: Shaping Change, Changing Worlds edited by Adrienne Maree Brown
We Will Not Cancel Us edited by Adrienne Maree Brown
Love and Rage by Lama Rod Owens
I Hope We Choose Love: A Trans Girl’s Notes from the End of the World by Kai Cheng Thom
Martina by Martina Navratilova
Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good edited by Adrienne Maree Brown
Octavia’s Brood: Science Fiction from Social Justice Movements edited by Adrienne Maree Brown
How to Get Stupid White Men Out of Office: The Anti-Politics, Un-Boring Guide to Power edited by Adrienne Maree Brown
The Children of Harvey Milk: How LGBTQ Politicians Changed the World by Andrew Reynolds
Representation Matters: How Victory Fund, Victory Institute, and LGBT Leaders are Transforming America by Karen Ocamb
Serving in Silence by Margarethe Cammermeyer
Frank: A Life in Politics from the Great Society to Same-Sex Marriage by Barney Frank
Pressure is a Privilege: Lessons I’ve Learned from Life and the Battle of the Sexes by Billie Jean King
Gunn’s Golden Rules: Life’s Little Lessons for Making it Work by Tim Gunn
Queer Eye: Love Yourself, Love Your Life by Antoni Porowski, Tan France, Jonathan Van Ness, Bobby Berk & Karamo Brown
My Story of Embracing Purpose, Healing, and Hope by Karamo Brown
Naturally Tan by Tan France
Over The Top by Jonathan Van Ness
71. One life by Megan Rapinoe & Emma Brockes
It’s About Damn Time by Arlan Hamilton
Inclusion: Diversity, the New Workplace, & The Will to Change by Jennifer Brown
Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story by Jacob Tobia
Borderlands/ La Frontera: The New Mestiza by Gloria Anzaldúa

We are continually adding to this list. If you have any recommended additions please send us an email at info@curiositybased.com so we can add it here.

Interested in reading more? Check out our AAPI-Authored Leadership Booklist!

Read our other leadership booklists too!

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Creating new relationships through peer coaching calls

June 14, 2021

helping women achieve their leadership potential

As an entrepreneur who started my business during the pandemic, enlarging my network presents special challenges. I’ve found the pandemic also present opportunities. I’ve learned the value of the peer coaching call.

When I talked to Christy Johnson, founder of Artemis Connection, about joining her Project Ascendance for women launching new programs, I told her I wanted to be part of a cohort. I knew the value of the cohort model having created and led other cohort- based learning opportunities.

Halfway through the two-month program, I got an email from a classmate, Lizzie Mintus of Here’s Waldo Recruiting, asking to connect. As part of the program, we were given a database of our classmates’ names, phone numbers, specific asks for help as well as skills they could offer to others. We were encouraged to reach out. I hadn’t found the time to reach out to anyone up until Lizzie reached out. We ended up talking for an hour on Mother’s Day morning about her website and my new communication tool.

I was so inspired by our conversation that I reached out to five other women from the class who I’d worked with in breakout groups. Almost all of them responded to my Calendly to set up a time within the next two weeks. After that I decided to reach out to another five women from the class. And then to the remaining four women who I didn’t have any direct contact with. Most of the women responded. Each classmate thanked me for reaching out first. Someone has to be the first to ask for a connection in a new relationship.

As we are slowly emerging and preparing for post-pandemic life, I don’t want to go back to my old life of running from meeting to meeting. While I still have to expand my network, I realize that a phone call or a Zoom meeting are great substitutes for in-person meetings. I also realized having a few 1:1 meetings that are meaningful is better than going to meetings with one big meeting where I don’t get to actually know anyone.

Tips on reaching out

I’ve previously written about the value of deepening relationships during the pandemic because I felt like strengthening already existing ties was much easier than creating new connections without the serendipity of chance meetings at in-person events. This recent experience changed my mind. Virtual networking works.

Here are some tips:

Follow-up and ask for a meeting. I have been part of so-many meet and greets and networks where no one follows up. Here’s a template: We met through this group_ (in case you think they might not remember). Would you be interested in having a follow-up conversation about (whatever you talked about) or I would like to talk to you about (name a topic that you anticipate but will be mutually beneficial)
Offer a variety of times to meet. Some people are working full-time jobs, so have evening and weekend times available as well as daytime spots. Link to a self-scheduling tool (Calendly is my favorite) to make it easy to identify a time.
Have a clear ask. Strangers may want to know, “What do you want? Are you trying to sell something to me?” Alleviate their concerns by making it clear what you want. “I’d like your advice on… “ and also make it clear that you’d like to help them as well.

Setting the agenda

With Lizzie, I suggested we schedule an hour, half of the time for her questions and the other half for mine. We got to practice our elevator pitches and give each other feedback. The format worked so well that I made the same suggestion to others in the class. I got to review pitch decks, talk through business structures, and discuss how to prototype products. I asked my classmates to do a user test of a new assessment tool I was refining.

The format makes the purpose of the conversation very clear. Some might not like the transactional nature of it. As someone who spends a lot of time relationship building, I see this particular format as a fair way to determine if there’s chemistry and potential for future conversation . It’s refreshing to know that each person gets half the time and there is no trying to politely segue to another topic. It has reduced the instances when I listen to someone talk for 50 min about their problems and I get 10 min to talk. This happens because I like to think of myself as a good listener and I don’t want to interrupt someone. This format helps me express my needs.

I find people appreciate simple directness. You get time and I get time. We help each other by listening. Sometimes, people may hesitate to ask for help because they feel they have nothing to offer in response. I’ve been surprised by how helpful I can be to those in totally different fields. Don’t underestimate the power your fresh perspective can bring to someone else’s problem.

This agenda reduces the stress of ambiguity. People generally want to be polite. We don’t always come to the conversation with the same expectations. Stating the intention for the conversation takes the guesswork out of trying to read facial expressions and verbal cues. Mind you, I do this for strangers or new acquaintances, not with established relationships. To be honest, I think if I had started some relationships off this way, there would be more reciprocity in conversation.

I think this explicitly reciprocal approach can protect yourself from “takers”. Some people, particularly over LinkedIn, want to arrange a time to chat with me about something they’re working on. I now suggest this reciprocal agenda, which shifts it to a peer- coaching session. Some people never respond to this suggestion. I protect myself from pure takers who aren’t willing to give me some of their time in exchange for theirs.

Decide who to contact

After successfully using this approach, I want to bring this model to another circle of entrepreneurs I will join this summer. I might even reach out to my older networks.

People will either want to participate or they won’t. You won’t know until you try.

I’ve really valued hearing from different perspectives. Whenever I ask for someone to react to something I’m working through, I get to learn about how someone thinks and approaches things, often very differently from how I do it. Instead of small talk, which is often trying to find points of consensus, I’m looking for something I don’t know yet and I’m explicit in asking for that. While validation is nice, I would rather learn about my blind spots.

I am interested to see if this model will help me engage with groups of people I never truly tapped into. To see if I can create new relationships from old networks of acquaintances. I’ll let you know how it goes.

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Tahmina Watson’s Legal Heroes in the Trump Era

June 8, 2021

As a nonlawyer, I didn’t know if Legal Heroes in the Trump Era by Tahmina Watson, Alex Stonehill (Editor), Caroline Doughty (Editor) would resonate with me. To my surprise, I thoroughly enjoyed the slim book packed with stories of mostly ordinary lawyers stepping up to do extraordinary things.

Disclaimer: I first met the author in 2015 when we collaborated to advocate for more visas for immigrant startup founders. Considering our previous relationship, I’m putting extra effort in highlighting not only the strengths, but also the weaknesses, of the book. Watson didn’t ask me to do a review and I first purchased the book as a regular consumer, with no intention of reviewing it.

Back to the review. The book highlights the stories of 14 lawyers, all “legal heroes”, who have “responded to the crisis of the Trump era in innovative and inspiring ways.” Many are ordinary lawyers working in private practice, though she also includes the stories of the head of Washington state ACLU, a retired judge, and the Washington state Attorney General Bob Ferguson, who also introduces the book. Watson herself is an immigration lawyer with her own private practice. Watson also shares her own story of feeling moved to cofound a nonprofit, Washington Immigrant Defense Network (WIDEN). She is passionate about both immigration policy and her legal profession.

Here’s what I particularly enjoyed about the book:

The personal stories of each Legal Hero Watson goes into each person’s family background, what inspired them to go into law, and the event that sparked them to take action. I got a sense of not just what these legal heroes do, but who they are as people. The 14 individuals represented a diversity of approaches to activism, including writing a children’s book about immigration and creating a multilingual website to identify lawyers in case they get detained at the airport. Each story was just 5 to 6 pages long, which meant 14 stories did not feel tedious.

Talking about the law in simple English I appreciated the absence of legalese. Watson writes in a clear, engaging manner and explained the world of lawyers to a nonlawyer. In the process, I got to learn about interesting policies without getting bogged down in the details. I particularly enjoyed being introduced to different legal cases, such “as a class action suit challenging the secret federal program called controlled application review and resolution program (CARRP), which blocks certain immigrant application through malevolent stalling.” (22) I felt more informed.

The evolution of a grassroots movement told from the perspective of lawyersI got to see the mobilization of activists entirely through the eyes of lawyers. In an effort to be inclusive in recounting history, many writers try to capture the multitude of different perspectives and angles and the result is a thin spread of everything and little depth anywhere. Watson has a refreshingly unapologetic passion for her fellow lawyers and pride in what the profession can do to help the world.

Here’s what I the book could have done differently:

The author’s story is absent Considering the richness of the personal details in the profiles, there is a surprising lack of information on the author herself in the book. The rare glimpses are buried in a few mentions and in the acknowledgment section. I want to have a better understanding of Watson as a person, perhaps revealing some of the same kinds of details that she shared about the legal heroes themselves, especially since she is not just a writer, but one of the key instigators.

Needs less “Trump,” more “Trump era” For the most part, Watson focused on describing “Trump administration” policy but there are times that she slips into criticizing Trump himself, assuming the readers are also anti-Trump. It would have been more true to the title to refer to the deep political rifts that the Trump administration symbolized but did not entirely cause. The book could have acknowledged of how the policies the legal heroes fought against reflected growing anti-immigrant sentiment in the US and around the world, not just the views of the Trump administration.

Focus on immigration stories With the exception of the profile on the environmental justice lawyer, all of the stories are around those lawyers focused on immigration or civil rights with a strong connection to immigration. The environmental justice work deserves to be acknowledged, but in this context, the one outlier felt distracting. Or the book could have been enlarged to include more stories of environmental justice and civil rights lawyers to have a more even distribution of topics.

I also got three insights from the book that I can apply to life in general.

The private sector can contribute to social change I’ve talked to many well meaning people working in the private sector who believe that positive social change is limited to government or nonprofits and that their role is limited to providing funding, through taxes and philanthropy. I appreciated the profiles of those who were able to create change from within the private sector, such as the Lawyers for Racial Justice Initiative, as well as those who volunteered working for nonprofits or ended up creating their own, like Lawyers for Good Government. The profiles demonstrate that there is a meaningful, non transactional, role for the private sector to contribute to social change.

Innovation can be approaching something from a different angles There are many examples of innovative approaches and new partnerships and only one example using technology. I loved the example about Margaret O’Donnell who created legal dramas out of Powerpoint workshop presentations to build empathy for those going through immigration court. It gave me ideas for communicating differently.

Curiosity enabled resourcefulness Lawyers, like doctors, specialize in different aspects of the law and usually don’t venture outside their traditional practice areas. The premise for WIDEN was there weren’t enough immigration lawyers to give pro bono services and there were thousands of non-immigration lawyers who wanted to be able to help. Those non-immigration lawyers had to be curious enough to learn from immigration lawyers so that they could be sufficiently trained to meet the demand for legal aid.

This is inspirational, quick read not just for lawyers but for anyone asking, “What can i do to help?”, not just now, but in the future as well. Be wowed by those stories of those who asked the question and then answered it with their own form of activism.

Interested in reading more? Check out our Women in Political Leadership Series.

Check out the series!

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Making the Moment Matter: How Anti-Asian Hate Surfaces Perceptions of Asians Inside and Outside the Asian Community

June 8, 2021

My friend Sylvia Fine, who took the mic at the anti-Asian hate rally at Bellevue Downtown Park on March 24, 2021.

Our nation has seen a marked increase in anti-Asian hate crimes and violence, especially against Asian women, with the recent killings in Atlanta as the most heart-breaking example.

This is a personal matter for me as an Asian woman leading a team of all-Asian women. Though we come from different parts of Asia – Vietnam, China, Myanmar and Korea – many people don’t understand those distinctions. “Asians” are seen as a monolithic group. This inability to recognize our individual cultures stems from a lack of exposure to Asians – of knowing us and understanding our communities. Instead, we are known as, and resented for, being the “model minority.” This stereotype casts Asians as high achieving, hard working minorities who won’t complain and will passively accept abuse. What’s more, some might say, we have suffered far less than Black and Brown people, so what do Asians really have to complain about?

How can we use this current moment to challenge this perception? And how do Asians also change this sentiment among ourselves?

I talked to an Asian American girlfriend recently about people reaching out to check in. “I know it’s bad, but what we are experiencing isn’t as bad as what Black people have suffered,” she said.

I understood what she meant. I have felt this guilt myself. As if I don’t deserve to feel bad, so I should not say anything. That’s part of our problem.

Last month, I facilitated numerous workshops on Exploring Race-Related Assumptions. In one session, an Asian American man told me he’d assumed the facilitator was going to be white or Black – he was surprised I was Asian. He shared that he’d been taught not to initiate hard conversations or create controversy by Asian elders. I so appreciated his candor. His comment reinforces how Asians, particularly women, are seen as not willing to speak out and how this perception is internalized even within our Asian communities.

His comment also underlines why we must challenge assumptions of what leaders look like. We must see Asian women beyond the stereotypes of the silent work horses, tigers moms or submissive sexual objects.

Aside from wanting to foster more curiosity in the world, I founded my company to celebrate and contribute to the diversification of leadership – to challenge how we lead and provide an alternative to the dominant narratives that are largely constructed by white men in the US. I respect many of those men. I also think there’s room for other voices. Increasing exposure for Asians is critical to fighting stereotypes and expectations of passiveness.

America has a short attention span. That means the mic is being passed around to raise awareness to any given cause. It was #metoo movement yesterday, it could be Black Lives Matter again tomorrow. Today it’s anti-Asian hate.

Asians have to take the mic when it’s given to us. If we don’t, we reinforce the perception that even Asians don’t think our pain matters or at least, that it matters less than the pain of others who face prejudice based on the color of their skin. We then perpetuate the idea that we are a stoic, model minority willing to take the blows. And we don’t give others a chance to stand in solidarity with us, to console us, when we need them.

I appreciate all of my non-Asian friends who have reached out to check in on me and who are standing in solidarity with my community. The first friend to let me know he was thinking about me was a Black man from the American South. It was through our friendship he started understanding the different Asian cultures; he said he grew up referring to all Asians as “Chinese.” Through exposure, our perceptions of one another changed. I am also grateful I have my team and other Asian friends to commiserate with. I feel seen and heard.

I know that Chung Park, Hyun Jung Grant, Suncha Kim, Yong Ae Yue, Delaina Ashley Yaun, Xiaojie Tan, Daoyou Feng, and Paul Andre Michels did not die in Atlanta in vain. Their lives will serve as a reminder that even Asians need to step up and take the mic to loudly and publicly decry hate. And a reminder that we won’t be standing alone when we do.

What’s Next?

Interested in reading more? Check out our AAPI-Authored Leadership Booklist!

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Stacey Abrams’ leadership manual is for all leaders

June 8, 2021

I am in awe whenever I hear US politician and voting rights advocate Stacey Abrams speak. I knew I’d be inspired before I even started Abrams’ Lead from the Outside: How to Build Your Future and Make Real Change. But, I didn’t expect the part-memoir, part- leadership manual to be so practical, approachable, and relatable. Despite our very different backgrounds and life experiences, I could strongly identify with Abrams’ stories of self-doubt and anxiety.

There are few “how-to guides” to help those of us who are “other” or in the minority to become the ones in charge. She defines “minority leader” as “anyone who exists outside the structure of traditional white male power.” “Power and leadership are hard, and it’s especially difficult for those who start out weighed down by stereotypes and lack of access,” Abrams wrote in the introduction of the book. She goes on to say this is “a handbook written for our experiences and challenges -a means to become the minority leaders who own our power and change our worlds.”

There are topics and aspects of the book that have universal appeal and leadership application, not just for minority leaders. I’ll quote liberally from Abrams’ book to spare you from my paraphrasing.

Work Sheets

Every chapter ends with a worksheet of questions to answer. My favorite is the worksheet entitled “trying again” in which you have to note “when you have been tempted to pretend you know the answer.” The worksheets pose probing questions that make people reflect deeply on what they want.

Money Matters –

I found the chapter where Abrams shares how much she didn’t understand about managing her finances, even after graduating from law school and earned a high salary to be vulnerable and relatable. . In a country where most people don’t have more than $400 in savings, it’s not just Abrams’ advice that is valuable. Her admission of shame about money also matters. She wrote, “To get ahead of the problem, explore your personal relationship with money and the explicit and silent claims made on your resources.”

Limited resources

Abrams encourages creativity when faced with limited resources. I call this being “scrappy.” Abrams turns the lack of resources into an advantage: “one of the best things about being in the minority is the fact that limited resources often lead to extensive creativity.” “We can become conditioned to believe we must have the same assets, or worse, that whatever we have at hand is inherently inferior. But the creative ability of minority leaders lies in excavating the valuable in what is available.” No matter who you are, you can feel like you don’t have enough or you could use more. This lesson can apply to anyone, regardless of their resources.

Aside from these universal lessons, I found the book refreshing and deeply relevant to my own experience as a “minority leader.” As a Vietnamese-American woman and a refugee, there were so many parts that resonated with me deeply. I keep rereading passages because Abrams articulated how I and so many of my minority leader friends feel, in such clear, jargon-free prose.

Acknowledging ambitions

The need to express our ambitions is a constant theme of the book. Abrams writes, “It’s crucial to understand and internalize our very right to even be ambitious. Because, for too many of us, we are stopped in our tracks before we begin because we don’t believe we deserve to want more. And it is by wanting that we begin.” Abrams keeps her goals on a spreadsheet, as a way of “acknowledging in print.” Abrams talked about being asked about her future political aspirations by a reporter while running for governor in 2017. She knew she wasn’t “supposed” to openly say she aspired to become president and yet she decided to say it aloud. There was initial backlash about her audacity, but it was followed by public support. This chapter made me reflect on how often I refrain from saying what I want aloud out of fear I will sound too audaciously ambitious.

Minority fear– I have read a lot of good leadership books by white men and they don’t address or acknowledge what Abrams refers to as “minority fear,” presumably because it doesn’t exist for the majority of these writers. Abrams writes, “Fears about how our differences are perceived, about stereotypes that kept us back, about how our success begets more responsibility will never die. But once we are aware of them, we can work with them” (48). These words felt especially true: “the complexity of minority fear cannot be dismissed by saying ‘don’t be afraid’ or ‘let it go.’ Our trepidation is often grounded in stories we’ve heard (35).” There were so many times that all my other minority leader friends and I could do was commiserate and comfort one another in this shared fear. Even Abrams admits that she encourages people to be fearless in inspirational speeches. In this chapter, she fully acknowledges the normalcy of minority fear instead of being swept away as if it were trivial. The fear is the “permanent companion eating away at confidence, ambition, relationships, and dreams.”

Let your-light shine-Abrams writes about minority leaders having to “confront..a tacit call for meekness, to hide our light lest we become too noticeable and change the discussion” (135). To fit in, I have had to dim my light so that others don’t feel threatened, I’ve had to shrink unconsciously. I’ve talked to many friends who were the “only” or the “minority” in their workplace who had to dim their light to make other people feel comfortable. Abrams talked about an Advanced Placement English teacher who didn’t want her to use advanced vocabulary words in class, even though she was using the words correctly, lest it make other students feel bad.

Abram’s book shows how when you build something for a minority group, it can actually benefit the majority. Her book is an example of the curb cut effect, in which features designed for a minority then benefit a much larger group than the people they were designed for. The “curb cut” refers to how ramps were cut into the sidewalk for wheelchairs and now these curb cuts are part of standard sidewalk design.

The book was originally titled “Minority Leader” in the first edition. It makes a lot of sense that it was renamed to” Lead from the Outside” in the later edition. Even though it was built for “outsiders”, I can imagine insiders and those within the majority will find valuable leadership lessons and insight into what those who are outsiders have to face.

I hope Abrams’ book also inspires other “outsiders” to share their leadership lessons so that the general public can benefit.

Interested in reading more? Stacey Abrams is featured on our Women-Authored Leadership Booklist.

Stacey Abrams is featured on our Black-Authored Leadership Booklist!

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Leadership lessons disguised as kitchen tales from a self-described asshole

May 21, 2021

Review of David Chang’s Eat a Peach

Leadership, Identity, and Breaking the Model Minority Myth: Reflections on Eat a Peach by David Chang

I didn’t read David Chang’s memoir, Eat a Peach, because I’m a die-hard fan of Momofuku. I read it because there are so few memoirs by Asian Americans published by major houses. It took Chang four years to finish a book he first thought would be a “self-help manual on leadership.” Only after he accepted that he was writing a memoir could he complete it.

Any memoir written by a leader becomes, by default, a book on leadership. Chang, who helped reshape how Americans eat, stands as a pioneer in a mostly white-led restaurant industry.

This reflection explores the themes in Eat a Peach that resonated with me as an Asian American and the leadership lessons Chang conveys through his story.

Challenging the “Model Minority” Myth

In many ways, Chang’s memoir rejects the stereotype of Asians as “model minorities” — law-abiding, hard-working, highly educated, high-income earners who remain quiet, uncreative, and apolitical. He challenges the belief that Asians excel only as individual contributors or middle managers rather than as leaders.

Throughout the memoir, Chang expresses disbelief at his own success. At first, he thought he was suffering from imposter syndrome. Later, he recognized it as survivor’s guilt — the feeling that he succeeded while others did not. Few survive the brutal restaurant industry. He did, and he built his own platform.

That sense of survivor’s guilt mirrors how many Asian Americans feel after pushing back against parental and cultural expectations. Chang describes his father’s “distinctively conditional” love — a familiar form of tiger parenting that prizes achievement. Surviving both family pressure and systemic barriers makes the phrase “survivor’s guilt” fitting in more ways than one.

Craving More Asian American Voices

As a Vietnamese American, I crave more voices like Chang’s — raw, reflective, and deeply personal. His stories feel both familiar and distinctively Asian American. They evoke pride, yet also raise uncomfortable questions about identity and belonging.

Work as Identity and Addiction

Chang writes openly about workaholism, calling it a “socially acceptable addiction.” His work intertwined with his Korean identity. He admits, “I wanted not to be me… work made me a different person; work saved my life.”

He built Momofuku around challenging how Americans perceive Asian food. Working alongside his father — his first investor and business partner — became “the closest thing to therapy.”

Many Asian Americans can relate. I certainly can. After finishing my PhD, I returned to Seattle to work with my family’s Vietnamese newspaper. Like Chang, I knew working together would mean more time — and deeper connection — with my parents.

When Chang wrote that work saved him, it struck me. Is that passion? Fear? Or healing? Perhaps work, for many Asian Americans, becomes both a burden and a form of therapy.

Authenticity, Racism, and Asian Cuisine

Chang recalls classmates mocking the Korean food he brought to school. He says he’d rather see a white person want to make kimchi than dismiss it as strange.

In the culinary world, debates around authenticity and cultural appropriation appear constantly. Chang dismisses them as “boring,” but he also points out their racial bias. For example, diners may gladly pay $25 for Italian pasta yet refuse to pay the same for Asian noodles — even though they’re essentially the same dish.

That double standard runs deep, even among Asian Americans. Many will pay more for European cuisine but expect Asian food to be cheap. This raises a hard question: is that internalized racism? And do Asians need non-Asians to validate our food before we value it ourselves?

Romantic Relationships and Cultural Expectations

In the chapter “Grace,” Chang explains why he married another Korean American. His explanation made me pause. Why do so many Asian Americans feel the need to justify who they choose as partners?

Within the community, partner choices often become statements of identity. Marrying someone of the same ethnicity signals cultural pride. Dating outside the ethnicity — especially another person of color — can be seen as defiance or solidarity. Meanwhile, choosing a white partner is often viewed as assimilation.

These dynamics reveal the complex expectations Asian Americans face. Personally, when people assume my partner isn’t Asian, I feel a quiet satisfaction correcting them. It’s a small act of reclaiming identity and disrupting assumptions.

Leadership Lessons from Eat a Peach

Beyond identity, Chang models leadership through vulnerability and growth. His memoir offers lessons every leader can use:

Apologize with accountability. Chang admits to the anger he directed at his staff. He writes with remorse, acknowledging that forgiveness isn’t owed to him. True leadership accepts that others decide whether to forgive.
Be transparent. He doesn’t hide his evolution. Chang includes old correspondence to show how his thinking changed. For example, he admits that most of his references are about men, writing, “It’s my truth… but I wish some of it were different.”
Take risks. As a chef and entrepreneur, Chang constantly experimented. When launching a new restaurant, he wrote, “The only unifying thread was that we were nervous about every single dish we served.” Risk fueled innovation.

The Value of Imperfect Role Models

The memoir ends with “33 Rules for Becoming a Chef,” which read like life lessons. Yet what makes Eat a Peach powerful is its imperfection. Chang admits his flaws — his rage, ambition, and contradictions.

I appreciate that honesty. We need Asian American memoirs that allow room for imperfection. Letting Asian American “assholes,” as Chang calls himself, publish their stories expands what audiences see as possible. It opens space for complex, multidimensional portrayals of Asians in America.

In rejecting the model minority myth, Chang proves there are many ways to be a successful Asian American — while still embracing cultural identity.

Final Reflection

Chang never set out to be an Asian American role model. Yet by sharing his life so publicly, he became one. As an Asian in America, I hope my leadership also resonates beyond my community. We need more Asian leaders whom non-Asians look up to as well.

Chang proves that it’s possible — whether he intended it or not.n-Asians look up to as well.

Chang proves it’s possible, whether he wanted to or not.

Interested in reading more? David Chang is featured on our AAPI-Authored Booklist!

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2021 AAPI-Authored Leadership Books

May 17, 2021

We created this list to promote leadership narratives written by Americans of Asian Pacific Islander (API) heritage. This list is meant to be a resource, not an official endorsement. The books are not ranked or listed in any particular order.

(Download the PDF version of this list in the link above)

This Is One Way to Dance by Sejal Shah
My Forgotten Seattle by Ron Chew
Sigh, Gone: A Misfits Memoir of Great Books, Punk Rock, and the Fight to Fit In by Phuc Tran
Crying in H Mart: A Memoir by Michelle Zauner
Living for Change by Grace Boggs
Where the Past Begins: Memory & Imagination by Amy Tan
Fresh Off the Boat: A Memoir by Eddie Huang
The Cooked Seed: A Memoir by Anchee Min
Out of the Gobi: My Story of China & America by Weijian Shan
Love, Loss, and What We Ate: A Memoir by Padma Lakshmi
Mixed Plate: Chronicles of an All-American Combo by Jo Koy
An American Family: A Memoir of Hope & Sacrifice by Khizr Khan
Brotherhood: Dharma, Destiny, and the American Dream by Deepak Chopra & Sanjiv Chopra
Hawaii’s Story by Liliuokalani
Nisei Radicals: The Feminist Poetics and Transformative Ministry of Mitsuye Yamada and Michael Yasutake by Diane C. Fujino
See No Stranger: A Memoir and Manifesto of Revolutionary Love by Valarie Kaur
Heart of Fire: An Immigrant Daughter’s Story by Mazie K. Hirono
How to Raise a Feminist Son: Motherhood, Masculinity, and the Making of my Family by Sonora Jha
Empress: The Astonishing Reign of Nur Jahan by Ruby Lal
The Souls of Yellow Folk: Essays by Wesley Yang
Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, & Advice for Living Your Best Life by Ali Wong
Fault Lines: A Memoir by Meena Alexander
Eat a Peach: A Memoir by David Chang
Reset: My Fight for Inclusion and Lasting Change by Ellen Pao
Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth
The Art of Stillness: Adventures in Going Nowhere (TED Books) by Pico Iyer
The Art of Strategy: A Game Theorist’s Guide to Success in Business and Life by Avinash K. Dixit
The Art of the Start 2.0: The Time-Tested, Battle-Hardened Guide for Anyone Starting Anything by Guy Kawasaki
The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success: A Practical Guide to the Fulfillment of Your Dreams by Deepak Chopra
The Checklist Manifesto: How to Get Things Right by Atul Gawande
Limitless: Upgrade Your Brain, Learn Anything Faster, and Unlock Your Exceptional Life by Jim Kwik
Postcolonial Leadership, A: Asian Immigrant Christian Leadership and Its Challenges by Hee An Choi
Enough About Me: The Unexpected Power of Selflessness by Richard Lui
Legal Heroes in the Trump Era: Be Inspired, Expand Your Impact, Change the World by Tahima Watson
Hit Refresh: The Quest to Rediscover Microsoft’s Soul and Imagine a Better Future for Everyone by Satya Nadella
All In by Jerry Yang
Radical: Fighting to Put Students First by Michelle Rhee
My Life in Full: Work, Family, and Our Future by Indra Nooyi
Unprecedented: The Masters and Me by Tiger Woods
Delivering Happiness by Tony Hsieh
Be Water, My Friend: The Teachings of Bruce Lee by Sharon Lee
Unsung Hero: The Col. Young O. Kim Story by Woo Sung Han
You’re More Powerful Than You Think: A Citizen’s Guide to Making Change Happen by Eric Liu
Holding Serve: Preserving on and Off the Court by Michael Chang
Great Asian Americans: Michelle Kwan by Stephanie Cham
Great Asian Americans: Ellison Onizuka by Stephanie Cham
Great Asian Americans: Tammy Duckworth by Stephanie Cham
Great Asian Americans: Patsy Mink by Stephanie Cham
Great Asian Americans: Yo-Yo Ma by Stephanie Cham
To The Stars: The Autobiography of George Takei by George Takei
Big Little Man: In Search of My Asian Self by Alex Tizon
I love a Broad Margin to My Life by Maxine Hong Kingston
Dat: Tackling Life and the NFL by Dat Nguyen
Courage: The backbone of Leadership by Gus Lee and Diane Elliott-Lee
Madame Wu Chien-shiung: The First lady of Physics Research by Tsai-chien Chiang
It Takes Moxie by Maureen Francisco
Finding the Edge: My Life On The Ice by Karen Chen
Rich Dad Poor Dad: What the Rich Teach Their Kids About Money That the Poor and Middle Class Do Not! by Robert T. Kiyosaki
Still Life with Rice by Helie Lee
I’m the One That I Want by Margaret Cho
When Invisible Children Sing by Chi Cheng Huang
Creating the Digital Future: The Secrets of Consistent Innovation at Intel by Albert T.c. Yu
Boundaries by Maya Lin
The War on Normal People by Andrew Yang
Blue Ocean Strategy: How to Create Uncontested Market Space and Make the Competition Irrelevant by W. Chan Kim
Leadership and Crisis by Bobby Jindal
Enduring Conviction: Fred Korematsu and His Quest for Justice by Lorraine K. Bannai
A Principled Stand: The Story of Hirabayashi v. United States by Gordon K. Hirabayashi
Growing Up Brown: Memoirs of a Filipino American by Peter M. Jamero
The Silent Master: Awakening the Power Within by Tae Yun Kim
The Black Widow’s Guide to Killer Pool: Become the Player to Beat by Jeanette Lee
My Forty years as a Diplomat by Feng-Shan Ho
You Can’t Be Serious by Kal Penn
Behind Deep Blue: Building the Computer that Defeated the World Chess Champion by Feng-Hsiung Hsu
Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty…And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, & Unapologetically Being Yourself by Dr. Aziz Gazupura
The Truths We Hold: An American Journey by Kamala Harris
Impressive First Impressions: A Guide to the Most Important 30 Seconds (And 30 Years) of Your Career by Vu H. Pham
With Schwarzkopf: Life Lessons of the Bear by Gus Lee
Purpose Mindset by Akhtar Badshah
Conquering the Chaos by Ravi Venkatasan
You Are A Mogul: How to Do the Impossible, Do It Yourself, and Do it Now by Tiffany Pham
The Diversity Advantage: Fixing Gender Inequality in the Workplace by Ruchika Tulshyan
Shorter: Work Better, Smarter, and Less – Here’s How by Alex Soojung-Kim Pang
Minor Feelings: An Asian American Reckoning by Cathy Park Hong
Come into my Office: Stories from an HR Leader in Silicon Valley by Mai Ton
AugmentAsian: Strategies and Tools for Asian Pacific American Professional & Leadership Success by Asian Upward & Elevate Teams
Edge: Turning Adversity Into Advantage by Laura Huang

We are continually adding to this list. If you have any recommended additions please send us an email at info@curiositybased.com so we can add it here.

Interested in reading more? Check out our Leadership Books Authored by Women booklist!